The SEC sent a team to India in order to make sure that everything was hunky-dory re: Satyam. The three-member team met with Ashwani Kumar, the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) Director, and the Securities and Exchange Board of India (SEBI). The SEC also met with the KPMG team that is responsible for restating Satyam’s balance sheet.
No details were given on any of the meetings but we imagine that the SEC/KPMG meeting went something like this:
SEC Bureaucrat: Hello KPMG India.
KPMG Paper Pusher: Hello SEC America.
SEC: How are things progressing?
KPMG: Oh this is a blast. Restating balance sheets is a dream job. We were just talking about how we wish we could work in the States so we could do stuff like this all the time.
SEC: What do you mean?
KPMG: Well, there seems to be much more fraud and other problems in the United States than here in India so the need for forensic accountants would be extremely high.
SEC: Are you insinuating that the Commission is unable to detect fraud?
KPMG: Well there have been some signficant fraud over there lately that you guys pretty much ignored or missed. Either way, it makes for a high demand for forensic accountants. Plus, we hear that the guy who tried warning you about the Madoff fraud has issues but still won an award.
SEC: This meeting is over. Keep us informed.
Satyam scam: SEC team meets CBI, SEBI, KPMG officials [The Hindu Business Line]
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Allen Stanford Can’t Get Anything Accomplished Under These Conditions
It’s bad enough that Allen Stanford can’t get out of jail in order to properly prepare his defense but now he’s dealing with what may be a preview of what happens if he’s found guilty of running a Ponzi scheme.
It’s bad enough that there isn’t any cricket coverage in prison but the walking gun show has complained about day to day annoyances like the lack of air conditioning in his prison cell, which he shares with 8 to 10 of his closest friends and also a power outage which likely prevented him from reading How to Win Friends and Influence People (The Prison Edition).
Sir Allen discovers there’s no air conditioning in jail [FT Alphaville]
PCAOB Names Acting Mustache Chair
The PCAOB has announced Daniel Goelzer will be acting Chairman of the Board effective August 1. Goelzer brings an impressive resume with him, not to mention a sheriff-like mustache that will undoubtedly let the accounting firms know that he is not to be trifled with.
Why IFRS is Similar to an Obscure Reality TV Program
Late on Friday we told you about the rager that the IFAC was throwing over the weekend in London and today we get the less than surprising news that they want the governments of the world to push for global accounting standards.
“According to IFAC, participants at the conference agreed that the public interest would best be served by a single set of high-quality, principles-based financial reporting and auditing standards for listed and public interest entities.”
The problem with this whole push for IFRS is that getting anyone to care about accounting rules is like trying to get men interested in the whole Jon & Kate Plus 8 drama. They’re completely clueless at first mention and when you attempt to get into the details interest is immediately lost.
Leading accountants tell governments quicken pace of global standards adoption [Accountancy Age]
Grant Thornton Interns Don’t Get Coffee, Thankyouverymuch
Last week we asked for some perspective on the chicanery and lovable idiocy of your interns. Today we learn that about a Grant Thornton intern who “verifies that clients’ accounting records are accurate and sits in on important meetings.”
That’s right, interns are verifying accounting records and going to important meetings. Probably the type of meetings where they get to take notes on internal control procedures while the experienced associates can barely keep from strangling themselves with a network cable.
Yet, life remains unfair for the interns, “Interns who talked to RedEye said they are gaining experience to prepare them for the workforce, but increased intern responsibilities typically don’t come with increased pay or perks or even more respect.”
After going to those important meetings, interns still aren’t feeling respected people. No increased pay. No perks. How can this be? Haven’t they done enough? They tried to earn your respect by making the copies that you asked for and getting totally bombed at firm events. They didn’t mean to ask so many questions about the copier. They’re just new, so they want to make sure they don’t screw anything up.
What else can they do? Shine your shoes? Fill your car up with gas? Buy your lunch (they’re probably making more than associates on a per hour basis anyway)? The summer internship season is winding down so make sure you’re letting them know (and us) how they can go that extra mile to get that full-time offer.
Chicago interns move up corporate ladder [Redeye]
Harry Markopolos was in Serious Need of Clean Underwear While Investigating Bernie Madoff
Super-star fraud detector Harry Markopolos was named Certified Fraud Examiner of the Year at the ACFE Fraud Conference and Exhibition in Las Vegas last week where he discussed his excellent card-counting method and the Madoff Ponzi scheme.
Harry wanted to everyone to know that just because he blew the whistle on Master de Ponz, that didn’t mean he was a hero. “Heros are brave”, he said, “I don’t think I was brave. I know I wasn’t.” He went on to describe his lack of bravery:
“When I started this case, my underwear were white, they quickly became brown and often times turned yellow”
Okay, after that sinks in, let’s discuss some things:
• We don’t want our fraud detection super-heros to tell us that they soil themselves. It ruins the sex appeal.
• Harry Markopolos wears tighty-whiteys. We were certain that he was a boxers man.
• Was no one helping this guy out? You couldn’t let the guy have a break so he can properly evacuate?
Seriously, the least Marko could have done is stuck his dirty undies, the whites, in a case so the ringer wouldn’t look empty.
Go to Clip 3, “The Math Never Worked Out for Us” on page linked below to see the video. Meanwhile, we’re busy looking for new fraud detection hero that can control themselves.
Madoff Whistleblower Named CFE of the Year [fraudconference.com via Accounting Nation]
H&R Block is Not Letting McGladrey & Pullen Leave Until They Talk About This
So the H&R Block/McGladrey & Pullen soap opera break-up has gotten more annoying. At first, it simply looked like a firm falling out of love with its parent company because M&P didn’t want to be stuck with a loser their whole life.
Natch, H&R Block wasn’t going to just let M&P walk away from the best thing that ever happened to the firm. M&P was not going to have that conversation and said that they were still walking out.
The Block feels so strongly that M&P is making a mistake, that it was announced late last Friday, probably in order to not make a scene, that H&RB sued M&P to prevent the termination of their administrative service agreement. Essentially saying, “WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS!“
M&P is not impressed with this desperate attempt to be won back:
“We are disappointed that H&R Block has chosen to pursue litigation,” said McGladrey & Pullen managing partner Dave Scudder. “We are committed to respecting our legal obligations and are confident we are doing so. Thus we are confident this lawsuit has no merit. Under the terms of our shared services agreement, we have every right to terminate that arrangement. We have chosen to do so because it is the best business decision for McGladrey & Pullen LLP in order to serve our clients in the increasingly complex business and regulatory environment.”
M&P is over being held back by HR&B and wants to get out there on their own. Besides, all The Block does is sit around and prepare tax returns for people who can’t read the instructions on the tax forms. You’ve got no motivation, Block. Oh sure, you got into the online tax return prep business but now what? M&P just wants time to be alone, so please respect that.
Block Files Suit Against McGladrey & Pullen [WebCPA via CPA Trendlines]
Scoping | 07.27.09
• Bernanke defends bail-out package – “Ben Bernanke, the boss of the US central bank, has defended the US bail-out plan citing his fears of a second Great Depression, during a public talk.” [BBC]
• Citi public exchange offer gets 99 percent shares – “Citigroup Inc said on Sunday some 99 percent of its stock was tendered in an exchange offer for publicly held securities, in a key step toward giving the U.S. government a 34 percent equity stake in the bank.” [Reuters]
• Kuwait financier facing U.S. fraud suit found dead – “A brash Kuwaiti financier facing a fraud suit by U.S. authorities was found dead Sunday in an apparent suicide that sent shockwaves through the Gulf Arab financial sector.” [Reuters]
• Chinese state steel workers beat private firm boss to death -“Thousands of angry Chinese steel workers clashed with police and beat to death an executive of the firm trying to take over their company, a Hong Kong-based human rights organisation has said.” [The Guardian]
Review Comments | 07.24.09
• Geithner urges end to ‘dumb regulation’ – “Tim Geithner, Treasury secretary, said there was “a lot of dumb regulation in our country” and urged lawmakers to act quickly in spite of resistance from the financial industry and other regulators to the administration’s plan.” [FT.com]
• California Senate Approves Budget Plan – “The California Senate early Friday approved a plan to close a $26 billion budget shortfall through steep spending cuts and a medley of one-time solutions and accounting moves.” Creative accounting, Cali? FTW! [WSJ]
• Buffett: I’m keeping my Goldman Sachs warrants – But thanks for asking. [Reuters]
• Madoff Trustee Battles Israeli Charity Over $4.7 Mln – “A charity for homeless and runaway Israeli children that lost money in Bernard Madoff’s fraud told a U.S. judge that the trustee liquidating the con man’s business wrongfully rejected its $4.72 million claim in the case.” [Bloomberg]
Yahoo and Microsoft Partnership Talk Continues to Annoy Us
In a follow-up to the most annoying potential corporate partnership in recent memory, Yahoo’s directors actually met with one another yesterday, after just yapping on the phone about it, to decide if they like Microsoft. Microsoft has been putting the moves on the search engine company for over a year now and some directors still aren’t sure they’re ready to put out.
Some directors are still grossed out and think that Microsoft will do naughty things like, “paying Yahoo for selling ads next to its search results”. GROSS. Other directors also don’t think that regulators would like the two companies getting together because it wouldn’t look very good.
No doubt we’ll be hearing more about these two flirting which will continue to make us nauseous.
Yahoo Board to Meet on Microsoft Search Deal [WSJ]
Try to Do Something Constructive this Weekend, Like Get the Whole IFRS Debate Settled
In what might be the biggest rager of the weekend, the International Federation of Accountants (IFAC) are meeting today and tomorrow in London to get down to brass tacks on the whole global meltdown thing.
Also on the agenda for the IFAC: Coming up with a plan to get one set of global accounting standards, and also figure out how to convince the likes of Maxine Waters to BTFO of accounting rules and stick to cooking up dead-end legislation on banning of credit default swaps.
Let us know how it goes.
Accountants’ Group Calls for Single Set of International Rules [Bloomberg]
You Don’t Have the Worst Job in the World
Because we know that many of you feel that way on a daily basis. But nope, sorry. Dealbreaker tells us about the prosecutors in the Stanford case piecing shredded documents back together. If your job sucks worse than that, tell us about it because…WHOA.
