• JPMorgan Earnings Soar as It Finds Profit in Slump – “Even as it weathers the worst economic downturn in decades, JPMorgan Chase on Thursday announced a $2.7 billion second-quarter profit from stellar trading and investment banking results.” BO-NUS! BO-NUS! BO-NUS! [New York Times]
• U.S. Regulators to BofA: Obey or Else – “Bank of America Corp. is operating under a secret regulatory sanction that requires it to overhaul its board and address perceived problems with risk and liquidity management, according to people familiar with the situation.” Obviously the FDIC’s idea of double-secret probation. [WSJ]
• Citi close to secret deal with regulator – Wow! What a co-inky-dink! Citi is on double-secret probation too! [FT.com]

• Young ‘depressed’ about money – Has everyone forgotten that spending makes us happy?!? C’mon people! Go out there and get pre-approved on something! [BBC]
• Judge won’t drop charge vs ex-Bear Stearns exec – “A U.S. judge refused on Tuesday to dismiss an insider-trading charge against former Bear Stearns hedge fund manager Ralph Cioffi, court documents showed.” [Reuters]
• Franklin drops out of group eyeing AIG unit: source – “AIG’s asset management business had drawn interest from both private equity and strategic buyers, sources told Reuters previously. Initial bids for the unit had come in around $500 million but it has taken the company several months to work out a deal.” [Reuters]

• Lawyer Gets 20 Years in $700 Million Fraud – We’ve heard that Butner is lovely this time of year. [New York Times]
• Credit Swaps Investigated by U.S. Justice Department – We’re quite this is occurring at the behest of Maxine Waters because banning CDS is the only logical solution to solving this economic crisis. [Bloomberg]
• Goldman executives sold $700m of stock – If there’s anything that Maxine Waters loves hating on more than CDS it’s L to the B and Goldman Sachs. BON-US! BON-US! BON-US! [FT.com]

• Stage Set For Sotomayor’s Confirmation Hearings – “As hearings begin, many observers believe only a major blunder could halt the 54-year-old federal appeals court judge’s march toward becoming the first Hispanic, and just the third woman, to sit on the nation’s mightiest bench.” [NPR]
• CIT Group Scrambles to Survive, Avoid a Run – Here we go again? [WSJ]
• Bank of America Said to Balk at Paying Backstop Fee – “Regulators contend Bank of America owes at least part of a $4 billion fee it agreed to pay in January — even without a completed legal document — because the company benefited from implied U.S. backing on about $118 billion of Merrill Lynch assets, such as mortgage-backed bonds, people familiar with the matter said.” [Bloomberg]

•Dollar Will Remain World’s Main Reserve Currency – Sayeth Robert Gibbs, Obama mouthpiece. But there’s more, “‘There are a lot of people that have talked about it, but we don’t think that’s really serious,’ U.S. Commerce Secretary Gary Locke said”. Hear that? Not serious! Wa-hoo! GO TEAM AMERICA! [Bloomberg]
•GM Will Exit Bankruptcy With $48 Billion in Debt – This will be the “new” GM. The “old” GM will get “unwanted assets, including contaminated factory sites, a parking lot in Flint, Michigan, and a nine-hole golf course in New Jersey.” Sounds like a winner! [Bloomberg]
•U.S. jobless claims drop steeply – Calm down. It’s new jobless claims. It’s not like the unemployed are finding work. [Reuters]

•Switzerland thwarts US tax deal – The Swiss Government is not down for any kind of deal. They figured offering Toblerones was the best they could do so now they want the IRS to drop it. [BBC]
•Apple’s Disclosures on Jobs Said to Be Subject of SEC Review – “Apple Inc.’s disclosures about Steve Jobs’s health remain under scrutiny by U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission investigators over how his condition went from ‘relatively simple’ to “more complex” in nine days, said a person familiar with the matter.” [Bloomberg]
•In California, Even the I.O.U’s Are Owed – “The only thing worse than being issued an i.o.u. rather than a check from the State of California may be not getting the i.o.u. at all — at least in time to meet the deadline of your bank.” Keep it up Cali and we’ll take your beaches away. [New York Times]

•U.S. House May Include Surtax on Wealthy in Health-Care Package – In this particular case, wealthy means greater than $200k [Bloomberg]
•Obama Adviser Says U.S. Should Mull Second Stimulus – Because you knew it was coming [Bloomberg via Clusterstock]
•NOT THE BAIR MINIMUM – She Bair might be playing in somebody else’s sandbox [New York Post]

•GM bankruptcy plan gains approval – Because anything less might get you a meeting with the President. [BBC]
•A Goldman trading scandal? – “On July 4, Aleynikov was processed on a ‘theft of trade secrets’ charge in a criminal complaint that was filed in federal court in Manhattan. As of this afternoon, he was still being held in federal custody pending posting of bail.” Someone is messing with GS? This aggression will not stand, obv. [Matthew Goldstein/Reuters]
•Stanford Funneled Millions Under Florida’s Nose – “But to pull it off, he needed unprecedented help from the state of Florida, which would have to grant him the right to move vast amounts of money offshore, without reporting a penny to regulators. He got it.” Because if any state was going to be good for a little shady dealing with a Texas billionaire of questionable means, it would be F-L-A. [DealBook/NYT]

•California in ‘fiscal emergency’ – Can’t really decide which state capital has more clowns per capita, Sacramento or Albany [BBC]
•Former HealthSouth executive gets prison time – 3 months. Meh [AP via Miami Herald]
•Big Pay Packages Return to Wall Street – Paging Congressman Frank [WSJ]

A Forecast With Hope Built In – Hope has got nothing on reality [New York Times]
Justice Department demands UBS client names – “Swiss bank UBS AG ”systematically and deliberately” violated U.S. law by dispatching private bankers to recruit wealthy Americans interested in evading taxes and must be forced to reveal the identities of 52,000 of those clients, the Justice Department said in a court filing in Miami Tuesday.” [AP via Miami Herald]

ADP Estimates U.S. Companies Cut Payrolls by 473,000 – Estimates ahead of tomorrow’s number keep us under 10% unemployment! Cross your fingers! [Bloomberg]

Waiting for Madoff, Angry Crowd Is Disappointed – Apparently, everyone was hoping for a lynching in Union Square. 150 years is so unsatisfying. [New York Times]

Madoff Faces Harsher Imprisonment Than Corporate Predecessors [Bloomberg]

Deficit forces California to issue IOUs – Still as good as cash, right? [FT.com]

UBS Selling Park Ave. Stake [New York Post]

State Street may face SEC charges over mortgages – “The Boston-based company said on Monday that Securities and Exchange Commission staff issued a ‘Wells’ notice to its banking unit on June 25 related to disclosures and management by State Street Global Advisors of “active” fixed-income strategies in 2007 and in prior periods.” [Reuters]

UBS Said to Seek U.S. Tax Deal in Weeks – “With a payment of 3 billion to 5 billion Swiss francs, UBS hopes in the next two weeks to settle a lawsuit over the tens of thousands of American clients suspected of tax evasion, the Swiss newspaper Sonntag reported. Analysts on Monday, however, questioned the figure.” [DealBook/NYT]
A Unified Bank Regulator Is a Good Start – Penned by rock star CEO, Jamie Dimon [WSJ]

The SEC Is Too Lax on CEO Health Disclosure – Because someone’s personal health is everybody’s business [Business Week]
Indicted Billionaire to Appear in Court in Texas – It’s showtime: “On Thursday, the 59-year-old Texas financier was expected to have a chance to formally declare in court he is innocent of charges his international banking and financial empire was really just a Ponzi scheme.” [DealBook/NYT]

Study Ties Madoff Losses to Charity’s Board Size – [DealBook/NYT]

At Least Seven Killed in Red Line Crash – “One Metro train slammed into the back of another on the Red Line at the height of the evening rush yesterday, killing at least seven people and injuring more than 70 others in the deadliest accident in Metrorail’s 33-year-history.” [Washington Post]

Conspiracy surrounds $134bn ‘bond’ find – If the blogosphere is good for anything, it’s a conspiracy [BBC]

Experts: Apple Disclosure ‘Falls Short’ – [Business Week]

U.S. seeks delay on calculating Madoff restitution – Sentencing will not be delayed. Whew! We’re not sure if we can wait much longer for victims’ statements [Reuters via DealBook]

Sorry America, We Still Have No Clue What To Do About ‘Too Big To Fail’ – Newspeak phrase of the day: “Tier 1 Financial Holding Companies” [Clusterstock]

All together now: ‘F is for failure’ – Hey, it’s all around. Somebody’s got to talk about it. [FT Alphaville]