Going Concern

Big 4

Rumor Mill: More KPMG Layoffs

Caleb Newquist
September 9, 2009

Frankly, this is getting ridiculous. We got wind of more staff layoffs going down in the Metro audit practice in New York today. Sounds as though emails may have been sent out last night and meetings are being held today.
One explanation we heard was that associates not currently assigned to a client were let go which seems dubious, even for an accounting firm, but we’ll run with it. If you’re one of the unlucky few, or have details on rumors concerning next week, drop us a line or discuss in the comments.

Uncategorized

Sometimes You Need Help Getting Your Game On Track

Caleb Newquist
September 9, 2009

We’re going to talk about a serious topic people. Many of you have discovered tricks of the trade to hep you focus on work that functions better than any sleeping aid out there.

What it basically amounts to is your focus. Sometimes, just sometimes, you require a little help getting your concentration back on track. It can be anything really. For example, if your plans for meeting your less-overworked friends out for a cocktail are totally blown, you might eat five frozen entreés out of the fridge that aren’t yours to feel better and just get your ass in gear to make last call.

Some of you probably rely on less-proven methods but sometimes this is a mental challenge and you have to take the necessary steps to up your game.

Others of you may take advantage of the discounted, yet ever inflating soda prices in your office or at a client location combined with the Adderall that you swiped from your spastic roommate.

We’re pretty sure some of you have come up with your cocktail of methods that, somehow, allow you to do an insurmountable amount of work in a a freakishly short amount of time. Since time is money, your superiors probably have no problem with whatever approach you’ve discovered so share your favorite method of reigning in the focus in the comments. We’re not encouraging illegal behavior here, so keep it below the felony level.

UPDATE: On the advice of counsel and because we care about all of you (yes, all). If you or someone you know needs help, call 1-877-RxAbuse (1-877-792-2873).

Uncategorized

We Picture the Trophies as Gold Plated 10-Key Calculators

Caleb Newquist
September 9, 2009

You may have noticed that we reference a lot of stories from across the pond. Simply, it appears that the British seem to be a little more concerned with accounting world than us here in the States, where we’re virtually ignored at every turn (except when poop + fan).
The Brits are so enamored with accounting, in fact, that Accountancy Age, bless their hearts, has an awards ceremony.
The awards have their own website with a countdown clock, a gallery with last year’s winners, oh and you’re allowed to vote on Employer of the Year and Personality of the Year. Other awards include Audit Team of the Year, Tax Team of the Year, and Accountant of the Year.
The dream, continued, after the jump

There’s a lot of directions we could go with this but this has to be the most obvious case of accountant self-aggrandizement we’ve ever seen. We can’t even fathom the idea of hundreds of bean counters in tuxedos and cocktail dresses accepting hideous trophies under the pretense that the work done demands such recognition.
Perhaps since accountants are so used to an environment devoid of gratitude, Accountancy Age thought they would go out of their way to start showing some appreciation. WTFK really?
In any case, we would request Accountancy Age to assign us as a Joan Rivers role of sorts in order to liven up the bean counter Oscars. Since Accountancy Age’s list is a little ho-hum, come up with some of your own ideas for awards and their nominees in the comments.
Accountancy Age Awards 2009 shortlist announced [Accountancy Age]

Uncategorized

Launch Your Career, Part Deux

Caleb Newquist
September 9, 2009

We took another look at BusinessWeek’s Top Places to Launch a Career list because: 1) lists out of business magazines, no matter how trite and meaningless, have a way of sucking us in and B) we figured there may be more information that you would find interesting.
As we mentioned last week, Deloitte knocked E&Y off the mountain by having the best stats in some key categories like salary, three-year retention rate, and lowest drop in entry level hiring.
Here are a few more stats we discovered in BW’s list:
• Only 2% of Deloitte’s new associates received a performance bonus, and the average bonus was $296. This compares to 35% for E&Y, 27% for P. Dubya, 68% for KPMG, and 85% for GT. The respective average bonus was $5,141; $4,900; $3,700; $1,552.
Continued, after the jump

• E&Y really loves their new associates so much that they spent, on average, $18,500 on training for each one. The next hightest was KPMG at $7,689. We double-checked the E&Y number, thanks.
• We mentioned the three year retention rates for the firms last week and Guest 3 noted how this is um, not good. Interestingly enough, the five year retention rate is worse, with all the firms hovering around 34%, except for GT whose five year retention rate was 28%
• PwC had the youngest partner at 30 years with eight years seniority while E&Y and GT both had partners with seniority of seven years with seven years. Deloitte’s youngest was 31 with ten years and KPMG’s was 32 with 9 years.
Unfortunately, the list does not contain happy hour to new hire or hottie to nottie ratios but we figure these fairly close too. So of you’re a recruit this probably leaves you just as confused as before.
Discuss the stats in the comments and try to guide our college friends in the right direction. Recruits, if you’ve got your mind made up, let us know which firm and why. You’re going to have to sell it though.

Big 4

Who Knew that E&Y had a Creative Art Department?

Caleb Newquist
September 9, 2009

Today, in how your firm spent your bonus news, we present you with Zitor, an alien who somehow ended up in Uncle Ernie’s shop. Zitor then ended up being assigned a counselee for year-end reviews which is fairly realistic considering his lack of expertise and work experience.

Zitor was apparently designed and plugged into the Ernstiverse to demonstrate how to be completely unprepared for a the year-end review process as a counselor.

What’s odd is that most counselors seem to be using logic from another planet so it’s not outside the realm of possibility that this was based on actual methods used.

Regardless of the genesis of this idea, it probably goes without saying that this had to be complete and utter failure for those of you with maturity levels above the age of 13. Nevermind that no one can decipher how accounting firms determine who the best performers are anyway.

Included with this frivolous attempt to relate to the troops, if you were so inclined, you could submit ideas for the line below from Zitor to end up in the next video for this “Coach from Another Planet”. While that sounds incredibly lame and worthy of our ridicule, we’ve decided to let you take a stab at it instead.

The line has been modified slightly to allow your much more creative suggestions to be submitted in the comments:

“At E&Y, we do not give feedback. We give ___________.”

Do your worst.

Preliminary Analytics

Preliminary Analytics | 09.09.09

Caleb Newquist
September 9, 2009

• War of Words Heats Up Over Cadbury – “Kraft Foods Inc. ratcheted up the rhetoric in its takeover battle for Cadbury PLC Tuesday, with the U.S. food giant dismissing criticism that the $16.8 billion offer is too low, as the two sides dug in for what is likely to be a months-long merger saga.” This will be the new story that involves confectionary in the coming months.
• Madoff’s Belgian Shoes Stashed as U.S. Markets Home – Shoes only get mentioned once but dog feces being thrown at the marshals gets mentioned at least twice. A title change may be in order. [Bloomberg]
• Goldman chief hits at ‘useless’ banking – Stemming the tide LB? [FT]
• July consumer credit falls a record $21.6 billion – “July consumer credit outstanding fell at a 10.4 percent annual rate to $2.47 trillion”. In other words, people are either wising up or we not interested in helping participating in the economic recovery. [Reuters]

Review Comments

Review Comments | 09.08.09

Caleb Newquist
September 9, 2009

• Obama’s Advice to Aspiring Politicians: Be Careful on Facebook – This is what some parents were worried about? [Bloomberg]
• Accounting firms – Have maintained their reputation? [FT]
• Madoff feeder fund settles with Massachusetts – $8 mil from a $7.2 billion fund? [Reuters]
• Danger! Jobs most likely to kill you – Instantly. Not after a grueling, tortuous 30+ years, thus accountants are not on the list. [NYDN]
• PCAOB Backs FASB Codification – But if you’re ignoring it, that’s fine too. [Web CPA]

Mail Order Porn Is Not a Red Flag at the SEC

Caleb Newquist
September 9, 2009

The latest Ponzi scheme busted by the new and improved SEC just reminds us that the Commission is rarely chasing after criminal masterminds and thus, has a long way to go before we’re going to be impressed with their efforts:
Continued, after the jump

The SEC alleges that Philip G. Barry and his firms Leverage Group, Leverage Option Management Co., Inc, and North American Financial Services defrauded investors, including senior citizens and retirees, by selling securities in Leverage investment funds….According to the Commission’s complaint, Barry spent the money by purchasing real estate in his own name and those of other entities he controlled, paying expenses of a separate mail order business that sold pornographic materials, and supporting his lifestyle.

Mail order porn? What century is this guy living in? Did he also churn his own butter and crank start his car? We understand that certain forms of entertainment are best appreciated when tangible and we do like getting pleasant surprises in the mail but porn in the mail?
This guy started ripping off senior citizens in 1999. Since porn was on the web pretty much from the get-go we’re pretty sure that the mail order stuff was at falling out of favor by this time. Nevertheless, it appears that no one at the Commission was aware that hot action was available on the web for the past ten years and more advanced training may be needed.
SEC Charges New York-Based Money Manager in $40 Million Ponzi Scheme [SEC.gov]

Uncategorized

Congress Needs More Testimony on Accounting Stuff They Won’t Understand

Caleb Newquist
September 9, 2009

Maxine Waters2.jpg We don’t know about you but we here at GC are relieved that Congress is back in session this week. For starters, we’re trying to find someone that will help Charlie Rangel keep track of all his money.
Also, we feel as though we’re a little overdue for some legislative nose-poking into accounting and auditing rules. Thankfully, the House Financial Services Committee is scheduled to revisit H.R. 2664 this week.
The Promoting Transparency in Financial Reporting Act would require annual testimony from the SEC, FASB, and PCAOB big wigs on accounting and auditing rules before the committee.
More legislative wisdom, after the jump

The testimony is supposedly going to enlighten the committee on progress of:

• Reassessing complex and outdated accounting standards;
• Improving the understandability, consistency, and overall usability of the existing accounting and auditing literature;
• Developing principles-based accounting standards;
• Encouraging the use and acceptance of interactive data; and
• Promoting disclosures in ”plain English”.

Excuse the cynicism, but since this particular bill’s title doesn’t include the words “patriot”, “American People”, or “anti-bonus”, there is virtually no opportunity for shameless grandstanding and most members of the committee will probably opt out of sitting in on the testimony.
That being said, the collective competence of the committee will increase exponentially if Maxine Waters is not in attendance so maybe our judgment is premature.
Promoting Transparency In Financial Reporting Act Up For Vote In Congress [FEI Blog]

Big 4

Uzbekistan Gives KPMG the Boot

Caleb Newquist
September 8, 2009

two thumbs up.jpeg Not sure how we missed this but since it’s still slow out there we’ll kindly inform you that the country of Uzbekistan has had enough of KPMG.
According to Kazakhstan Newsline, “Uzbekistan’s Ministry of Finance has canceled licenses for audit activity on the part of KPMG Ltd.”
Obviously you can see how this would not be good if you wanted to audit anything in Uzbekistan. If any of you are willing to bite the bullet for everyone and get a subscription to this fine source of media so we can know the full story, that’d be great.
Otherwise, just use your imagination about the reason for the Radio Station banishment and discuss in the comments.
Personally, we’re hoping it had something to do with two physically repelling male employees running naked around in a hotel conference room but perhaps that’s a stretch*.
Uzbekistan takes away KPMG’s license [Life of An Auditor via JDA]
*Thanks for pointing out that Borat was from Kazakhstan. They’re neighboring countries, close enough for today.

A Week Really Isn’t That Long

Caleb Newquist
September 8, 2009

We feel compelled to remind everyone that there is exactly one week to go until the corporate tax filing deadline of September 15th. By now, with seven days to go, most of you working in tax compliance have probably had one of the following experiences:
• A nervous breakdown
• MSG overdose
• Showered using the bathroom sink at the office
Regardless of your sitch, we’re here to get you to the finish line, even if the layoff rumors are still lurking. Discuss how things look down the stretch and drop us anything you hear regarding potential layoffs at your firm after the deadline.

Big 4

PwC Isn’t Starving

Caleb Newquist
September 8, 2009

Since flat is the new up or whatever the hell people are saying these days, we’ll go so far to say that PwC continues to kick ass in the UK. Their revenue increased 0.5%, to to £2.25 billion, for the latest fiscal year. Advisory revenues managed to drag the audit and tax business out of the negative as the advisory revenue increased 5% while audit and tax dropped 1% and 4%.
BFD. Standard boilerplate statements accompany these numbers. Tough economy. Challenges. Hard work. Whatever. Partners still seem to be doing ok, as per partner profit was £777,000, although that’s down 3%, according to Accountancy Age.
More, after the jump

Fine but what we’ll kindly remind you of is that the firms in the U.S. don’t have to issue these fancy-schmancy annual reports with all the gory details. If they exist, we’ve never seen one.
Wouldn’t it be nice if the U.S. firms were required to put out thousands of copies of reports with plenty of pictures of happy employees, oh, and squeeze in some financial statements? One more explanation from Dr. Phil or Jimmy Turley about the awesome job you’re all doing wouldn’t hurt either.
Maybe you get enough of that already but isn’t knowing how much potential liability the firm has relevant to everyone that is stakeholder in the firm? Or what is being spent on magic 8 balls? The Brits don’t seem to have any problem putting out there. Just a thought.
PWC_Annual report 2009.pdf

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