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January 30, 2023

Here Are Some Viable Alternatives To Naming Audit Partners in Reports

Let no one say our comment section is pointless, offensive, and about as valuable as the stuff I scoop out of litter boxes every day. Would something so worthless come up with a gem like this?

Who the lead audit partner is on the audit of a publicly traded company is irrelevant – he or she has absolutely no idea of what work was actually done, who did it, or what it revealed. But they could make the audit report be like an office get-well card and let everyone who worked on the audit sign at a random location on the audit report page, perhaps adding a brief sentiment such as "Cash Rocks" or "Don't spend your dividend before you get it."

Can someone please get the PCAOB on the phone right this moment?

Other possibilities:

  • Make audit partners stand in front of the client site wearing a giant "I AM THE AUDIT PARTNER" sandwich board
  • Change all audit partners' email signatures to "I am the audit partner on XXX engagement" in large, purple Comic Sans
  • Require the client's product to have a label or sticker — that may not be removed under penalty of law — clearly naming the lead audit partner
  • Tattoos of the client's logo on the partner's ass, sort of like branding cattle

Any other bright ideas?

 

 

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