October 1, 2020

Somehow I Found the Source of All Bad KPMG Merch…

Don't ask what I was doing when I "accidentally" came across this, I think I was trying to figure out why Greendotlife.com is down and took a wrong turn at the story about the guy who left KPMG 6 months before he was issued a brand spanking new corporate card from his former employer.

The good news is… I have found all the swag!

Like this sweet "executive" umbrella – because nothing says "I clawed a lot of bitch eyes out to get up this corporate ladder, you ass" like a cheap branded umbrella from China.

Or hey, let's check out the Phil Mickelson collection because he's a winner and I want what he has. Like these… mints?

Call it a hunch but I bet those mints taste like a delicious combo of the crap scraped out of Phil's golf shoes and ass. Just a hunch.

Oh, let's not forget the "KNOW" branded products – so named after KPMG's chicks initiative "KPMG's Network of Women" – even though your only choices are a pink hat, a pink bag or this "vanilla" votive. Show your pride, ladies, come on.

BUT, we did find the elusive hand gel that hasn't been rebranded since at least 1974 and that will never go out of style. Who wants to go in on a 500 pack with me?

 

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