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Deloitte to Slash Benefits For Non Client-Facing Staff

We specifically added the non-client-facing bit in the headline soz not to scare everyone. It's rough enough out there on the front lines as it is, we don't need to…

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Uh Oh, PwC Is Up to Something

By "something" we mean "aggressively enshittifying their product." Bet clients and prospective clients will just love that. Financial Times reports that their birdies are pointing to an overhaul in consulting…

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Apparently Shouting “Promote Me! Promote Me!” in a Partner’s Face Can Get You Promoted at Deloitte

Over in Ireland there's a case before the Workplace Relations Commission (WRC) right now that may be of interest to our readers, our readers being people who are all too…

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AI Will Be EY Auditors’ New BFF, According to EY

While staff in tax at EY US will soon be spending more time with their flesh-based colleagues due to a return-to-office mandate that requires them in the office for an…

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Once Again, a Mid-Tier Firm Beat Out Big 4 on This ‘Best Companies’ List

Fortune has released its Best Companies to Work For list for 2026 and we just realized we didn't cover it at all last year. Shrug, it's all just marketing anyway.…

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News

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Monday Morning Accounting News Brief: AI Boom Investor Fraud Off to a Strong Start; Do We Even Need Tax Pros? | 4.20.26

4/20 you say? Nice. In this news briefWe Shouldn't Need AccountantsFASB Tackles Gamers' Most-Hated Topic: Data CentersYou Just Gonna Let AI Agents Run Wild Like That?Ilhan Omar's Husband's Accountant Struggles…

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Friday Footnotes: PwC Partners Are Doing Great These Days; IRS Encourages Whistleblowing | 4.17.26

Footnotes is a collection of stories from around the accounting profession curated by actual humans and published every Friday at 5pm Eastern. While you're here, subscribe to our newsletter to…

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Deloitte exterior with a scissors overlay

Deloitte to Slash Benefits For Non Client-Facing Staff

We specifically added the non-client-facing bit in the headline soz not to scare everyone. It's rough enough out there on the front lines as it is, we don't need to…

Read More
exterior of PwC building

Uh Oh, PwC Is Up to Something

By "something" we mean "aggressively enshittifying their product." Bet clients and prospective clients will just love that. Financial Times reports that their birdies are pointing to an overhaul in consulting…

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Paper speech bubble with the word "OOPS" on a yellow background.

Faced With PR Nightmare Due to Email Mistake, Becker Chooses the “Fine, Everyone Wins” Option

While I'm sure a majority of our readers got their CPA review courses for free through whatever firm hired them after graduation, for those going it alone the cost of…

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Technology

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AI Will Be EY Auditors’ New BFF, According to EY

While staff in tax at EY US will soon be spending more time with their flesh-based colleagues due to a return-to-office mandate that requires them in the office for an…

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ICYMI: According to This AI CEO You Won’t Have to Go to Work in a Year

Commence to fantasizing about what you'll do with all that glorious free time when you lose your job to AI in 12-18 months because that's the confident prediction made by…

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Another Early AI Accounting Startup Just Bit the Dust

TIL that early AI accounting platform Botkeeper has died. I found out via this CFO Brew article which pointed to a post on Botkeeper's own site. Turns out r/accounting was…

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KPMG Brings Cheating Into the AI Age By Using AI to Cheat on AI Exams

The image is upside down because Australia. This story sounds like a joke but we assure you it is not. KPMG Australia has expanded KPMG's storied cheating repertoire by being…

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KPMG Brings AI Talking Points to a Fee Negotiation, Inadvertently Opens a Pandora’s Box Filled With Stingy Clients

As reported by Financial Times on February 6, included in Friday's edition of Footnotes, and widely chuckled at by public accountants both current and former across the world since, KPMG…

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Practice Management

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Top Remote Tax and Accounting Candidates of the Week | October 16, 2025

Struggling to Find Remote Accounting or Tax Talent? We’ve Got You Covered.If your firm or internal team is having a tough time sourcing qualified remote tax and accounting professionals, you're…

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Top Remote Tax and Accounting Candidates of the Week | October 2, 2025

Struggling to Find Remote Accounting or Tax Talent? We’ve Got You Covered.If your firm or internal team is having a tough time sourcing qualified remote tax and accounting professionals, you're…

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Top Remote Tax and Accounting Candidates of the Week | September 25, 2025

Struggling to Find Remote Accounting or Tax Talent? We’ve Got You Covered.If your firm or internal team is having a tough time sourcing qualified remote tax and accounting professionals, you're…

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tax hiring season

Top Remote Tax and Accounting Candidates of the Week | September 18, 2025

Struggling to Find Remote Accounting or Tax Talent? We’ve Got You Covered.If your firm or internal team is having a tough time sourcing qualified remote tax and accounting professionals, you're…

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Top Remote Tax and Accounting Candidates of the Week | September 4, 2025

Struggling to Find Remote Accounting Talent? We’ve Got You Covered. If your firm or internal team is having a tough time sourcing qualified remote tax and accounting professionals, you're not…

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Quick Reads

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Here Are Tax and Audit Salaries at Top 25, Top 300, and Regional Firms

Recruiting firm Brewer Morris has released its 2025 US CPA salary guide and should you want to read the whole thing you can request it from them here. Perhaps you,…

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Friendly Reminder Not to Work Yourself to Death For This Profession

Saw this on the bird app yesterday and thought its message would be worth passing along what with 20 days remaining until April 15 and nerves as strained as ever…

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Accounting Firm Abruptly Nopes Out of Tax Season Early (UPDATE)

Ed. note: An earlier version of this article's headline stated the sheriff is investigating. The Alexander County Sheriff's Office informed us they are not investigating, only fielding calls from the…

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This Deloitte Office Has Eliminated Trash Cans at Desks to Make Staff Get Up Off Their Asses

Boston Business Journal wrote an article about Deloitte's new office in Boston and for some reason they chose to lead with this: You won’t find trash cans at the desks…

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The IRS Decided to Troll Tax Pros For 10/15

We realize the decision to run maintenance on IRS systems likely isn't made by anyone who understands deadlines but surely someone who does could inform the IT department of these…

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Top Remote Accounting Freelancers: February 3, 2024

Looking to staff up for a season or hire a freelancer for a project? Accountingfly is ready to partner with you! Gain full access to a pool of highly skilled…

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10 Essential Project Management Principles for Accounting Firms

Every accounting firm struggles with project management, with smaller practices that are rapidly expanding taking the brunt of the damage. As your firm adds new clients, takes on more work,…

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6 Ways Email is Secretly Destroying Your Accounting Firm

Email: The word itself sounds innocent, doesn't it? Kind of like "snail mail," but faster, sleeker, and without the slimy trail. But don't be fooled—email is secretly a sinister beast,…

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Don’t Grow Your Accounting Firm Out of Business! Break Up With These Unscalable Practices Now

Business growth is always a high priority for accounting firms, especially small-to-midsize practices. Take care, though, because growth can be a double-edged sword. If your firm expands too quickly or…

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Report: IRS Is Doing More with Less, Still Needs More

[caption id="attachment_23858" align="alignright" width="260" caption="We need to be here."][/caption]

In a report released today, the inspector general said attrition and a heightened workload have combined to leave the IRS understaffed.

The new hires in the agency’s small business and self-employed division resulted in a net gain of just 580 revenue officers by the end of fiscal 2010, according to the report. The IRS watchdog predicted a net gain of 127 revenue officers by the end of fiscal 2012. The study could affect the debate over funding for the agency. It comes two days before IRS Commissioner Douglas Shulman is scheduled to testify before a congressional panel on the agency’s budget. The inspector general warned that, unless the IRS is fully staffed, compliant taxpayers are at a disadvantage. “If the IRS does not have a sufficient number of qualified” revenue officers, the report said, “it could create an unfair burden on the majority of taxpayers who fully pay their taxes on time.” [Bloomberg]

KPMG’s ‘Next Level’ Is Here and You’re Probably Going to Be Very Disappointed and/or Confused

For those of you that have been anxiously awaiting the details on KPMG’s “Next Level” like the Royal nuptials, we have the details straight from John Veihmeyer and Henry Keizer (via a couple of tipsters). Before we get to the message from The Gipper and Hank, you should be warned that if your excitement was piqued by the “Next Level” movie-trailer video, you might – MIGHT! – not be that enthused with the actual “Next Level.”

With that said, let’s turn it over to the boys:

Welcome to the Next Level: Our High-Performance Culture
A Message from John Veihmeyer and Henry Keizer

It’s no secret that we operate in an increasingly cve environment, one in which our clients—both internal and external—are demanding more from us every day. More than ever, they need the skills and services we can bring, as long as we continue to raise the bar on our own performance and add more value and insight than ever before. To meet these demands and take full advantage of the opportunities ahead of us, we must be committed to fostering a High-Performance Culture, one in which we have the best people, with the skills and determination to deliver above and beyond.

If you managed to make it through that paragraph, you’re probably queasy already. The bad news is, it gets worse.

By now you’ve likely heard about our focus on high-performance culture. But chances are you still have some questions about exactly what it is, as well as what it means for you and for the firm as a whole. That’s why we’ve created The Next Level, a Web-based orientation for all partners and employees.

This mandatory 1 CPE credit self-study program will help you to:

• Articulate the key elements of our High-Performance Culture (HPC) initiative, including why it is critical to our firm’s success and your individual success
• Describe what the firm is doing to drive HPC, as well as what’s expected of you
• Identify and model the key attributes of high performers to elevate your own performance
• Effectively use our streamlined performance development process
• Give and receive feedback more effectively
• Most important, you’ll learn how high-performance culture will help you to share in our collective firm success, build skills for tomorrow, and have pride in being part of something extraordinary.
• The deadline for completion of The Next Level is July 7. (Note: All partners and employees are required to participate in this self-study program.)

Thanks in advance for your participation! And keep in mind that this is only the jumping-off point… you’ll be hearing a lot more about our HPC efforts in the weeks and months ahead.

Okay Klynveldians, I don’t know about you all but I’m still not sure if I understand what the “Next Level” is. What is clear is there is nothing in this email about loyalty bonuses, allegations of gender discrimination or the opportunity to wear jeans (given that you’ve got a five-dollar bill in your pocket).

BUT! There is something about a “high-performance culture,” which gets its own acronym so that might be the “Next Level.” Then there’s stuff about a web-based orienation, feedback, streamlined something or other and MANDATORY PARTICIPATION FOR EVERYONE (this means you, 30+ years partner who can barely turn on your laptop). Granted, I’ve been out of the HoK for quite some time so maybe I’m misinterpreting John and Hank’s prose but this “Next Level” seems like the same “level” only with a few more hoops to jump through and definitely more emails from J&H that may or may not explain how this will “foster a high performance culture.”

If you’re more hip to this, please enlighten everyone. But if you’re confused, annoyed or mortified with disappointment you can share those feelings too.

So You Think Your CPA Can Dance?

One thing I’ve always loved about the Maryland Association of CPAs is that they aren’t afraid to shake things up, do what everyone else isn’t doing and, uh, break out into a dance routine in the middle of a dinner reception.

Remember the “big surprise” they were planning for the 2011 CPA Summit? Here it is, enjoy:

Comp Watch ’11: KPMG Kicking Around the Idea of Loyalty Bonuses for Senior Associates

We’re still waiting to hear what the Next Level is but this should tide you over in the meantime.

I’m a second-year audit senior associate at KPMG in the New York Office. This past Wednesday there was a round-table discussion with about a dozen seniors to discuss compensation. I’ve been looking on Going Concern to see what has turned up, and since I’ve yet to see anything i figured I would send along what was discussed…

The meeting was run be a couple of our heads of compensation, and they were certain to tell us that in no way has this been approved by leadership, but as long as feedback from the round-table sessions is positive, they think it has a good chance of happening. They asked us about how the above and beyond award [Ed. note: aka utilization bonuses] was received, to which everyone responded negatively, and they unveiled their plan for future bonus compensation to reward loyalty for the firm. They said that this plan would be in addition to any raises and variable comp that the firm already has, so this would act as a reward for loyalty to the firm. I will highlight the details below.

-This plan is applicable for senior associates
– In December everyone makes an election that they classified as immediate, one-year, and two-year. The immediate pays $1,000, the 1-year pays $4,000, and the 2-year pays $8,000. This election would be made each December by senior associates. One example they gave of a first-year senior associate entering this bonus program was as follows:

December 2011: two-year election – pays $8,000 in May 2014
December 2012: two-year election – pays $8,000 in May 2015
December 2013: one-year election – pays $4,000 in May 2016

They were selling us on the fact that you would be paid out $20,000 in the span of twelve months, which of course sounds pretty great. One thing to keep in mind is that the terminology “immediate”, “one-year”, and “two-year” isn’t completely accurate. In reality it is more like one, two, or three busy seasons. Some of the particulars are that once you make an election you’re stuck with it, so if you take the immediate payout and happen to stay another few years, you are less loyal than someone who knew ahead of time. Also, if you leave the firm before you reach your payment date you obviously get nothing.

The plan was generally well received in the meeting, but didn’t get good reviews at all when I told some of my co-workers about it. I am curious to see how others feel about it. We all seemed to agree that it didn’t seem worth it to take the $1,000 payout because after taxes you’d barely notice it, and that it would take real guts to take the $8,000 payout, because as a first-year senior associate the length of your deferral is longer than your employment at the firm to date, so you never really know if you’ll still be there to collect.

Say what you will about the KPMG, they are trying to get creative with the bonus structure. Whether or not it takes with Klynveldians is another matter entirely but you can get started by commenting with your reactions below.

Accounting News Roundup: CFOs on Auditor Rotation; A Tax Lesson for Cat Ladies; Madoff’s Undies | 06.06.11

CFOs Wary of Auditor Rotation [CFO Journal]
[T]here is currently very little auditor turnover among large companies. As of last year, companies in the Standard & Poor’s 500 index have on average been with their auditor for 24.5 years, according to data from Audit Analytics. Of that group, only 77 companies have been with their auditor for seven years or less, while seven companies have used the same auditor for over a century.

PCAOB Shifts into High Gear under Jim Doty [Accounting Onion]
[T]he fact remains that PCAOB inspectors have uncovered far too many problems, in far too many audits, to conclude that something short of broad-based change is called for.

Puma take leap towards green accounting [Accountancy Age]
Puma took the brave step of producing the first environmental profit and loss account from a global organisation. It not only put a price on its carbon usage, but also represented the cost of future damage incurred from its emissions and water usage.

BDO in the News! [The Summa]
Professor Albrecht takes a little trip down memory lane in accounting firm failures.

Cat lady’s feline foster care tax deduction slashed from $12,000 to $250 [DMWT]
A house full of feral cats demands some sort of tax planning.

“Sideshow Bob” Marshall Gets His Panties In a Bunch Over Richmond Fed’s Gayness [JDA]
Who knew a rainbow flag could cause so much trouble?

Updating a Résumé for 2011 [WSJ]
In case you’re looking.

Madoff’s underwear fetch $200 at Fla. auction [Reuters]
It was fourteen pairs of boxers.

Learn to Like Your Job [WSJ]
Toxic workplace relationships, failing company fortunes and limited advancement opportunities are just a few compelling reasons to quit a job. But career experts say many workplace problems that employees may think are irreconcilable can be improved or even resolved with some action and a change of attitude.

Goldman Sachs CFO Admits That the Company Is Sensitive to Trash Talk, Doesn’t Go Looking for Trouble

Reuters reports that David Viniar told an investor conference in California that God’s Shop “take[s] all of the criticisms quite seriously” and “We never at least intentionally take reputational risk.”

Personally, I’m not sure why Vin is trippin’, since it’s pretty clear that most people don’t think Goldman is going the way of the dodo Andersen. [Reuters]

Several KPMG Denver Employees Go Rogue, Wear Jeans Without Approval

I agree with our tipster who wrote, “I’m just sitting here in disbelief that it’s such a big deal (in Denver of all places) that it merited an officewide email.”

From: [Denver OMP]
Sent: Friday, June 03, 2011 2:03 PM
To: US-DEN KPMG Office Everyone List
Subject: Today

It appears as though many of you thought that today was a regularly scheduled jeans day for the Denver office. This was not a scheduled jeans day; however let’s turn this into a positive. If you are wearing jeans today, please [see the] receptionist, and pay your $5. All monies will be donated to the Red Cross to benefit the tornado victims in the south. Thanks everyone for your generosity to those in need.

A source in HoK Denver told me that he saw “several partners wearing jeans” so it’s entirely possible there’s a Rocky Mountain mutiny in the works but I’ll try not to jump to any conclusions.

PCAOB Chairman James Doty Is Concerned That Some Auditors Either Don’t Care or Are Completely Ignorant About the Notion of Independence

As you may have heard, PCAOB Chairman Jim Doty gave a speech at the University of Southern California yesterday where he discussed among other things, the possibility of mandatory auditor rotation and changing the standard auditor’s report. The prospect of these two changes aren’t exactly something auditors are stoked about but some people are of the opinion that a) auditors like to get a little too chummy with their clients which leads to b) not taking the “independence” thing too seriously and c) the auditor’s report, in its current form, its pretty much worthless.

You can read Doty’s entire speech over at the PCAOB website where touches on all of these but here’s one example around independence that probably qualifies for, in Doty’s words, “[an] approach [to] the audit with an inappropriate mindset”

[An] audit partner’s self-assessment claimed that he “overcame long-standing barriers against non-audit services at [two audit clients] with a series of well-planned meetings and supporting presentations with the Audit Committee Chair, the full Audit Committee, the CEO and the CFO at both companies.”

In response, his reviewing partner noted that he was –

highly alert to cross service line opportunities and has successfully penetrated both of his accounts where few services had been
provided in the past. The results of these efforts were a number of proposals and wins but the efforts will likely impact FY 11 in [a] more significant way.

Anyway, there are other stories of bad auditor behavior, so check the whole speech if you feel so inclined. And while Chairman Doty admitted that “We don’t see these problems in all the files we look at,” it causes he and others to wonder if “these audit partners are unaware of, or simply unconcerned about, the independence rule that should make such considerations irrelevant to their compensation, and why a firm would allow such unawareness or unconcern to continue unabated.”

So flagrantly bending the rules to the point where they might as well be breaking or stupidity? Neither is too flattering.

How Should a Big 4 Auditor Handle a Manager Blocking a Transfer to Transaction Services?

Welcome to the at-least-you’re-not-John-Edwards edition of Accounting Career Emergencies. In today’s edition, a first-year auditor has an opportunity to do a rotation with Transaction Services but feels that his senior manager has taken an aggressive cock-block position. Will our hero have to get their performance manager involved or resort to thinly-veiled threats?

Looking for new endeavors? Are the men in your office giving you a hard time? Is your job making you ill? Email us at advice@goingconcern.com and we’ll give you a remedy for your troubles.

Meanwhile:

Caleb,

I am a long time GC reader, and I usually only read the career advice postings to feel slightly better about my own situation. Now, however, I find myself with a question that I would love to put before the GC readership. I am a first year at a B4. I enjoy my job, but am always interested in a new opportunity. Recently, I was offered a rotation in transaction services that will last a few months. I accepted the opportunity, but the timing of the rotation was not set in stone. I just found out that a sr. mgr. on my biggest client is trying to keep me staffed on that engagement at the expense of the opportunity of taking the rotation.

I have made my interest in taking a TS rotation since day one, and my performance manager supports it 100%. He knows that I was offered the rotation, but not that the sr mgr is standing in the way. I would like to know how to proceed. Should I go over the sr mgr? Should I forget the rotation? I enjoy my audit clients and don’t want to be seen as someone who will leave as soon as a better opportunity comes along, but this is a particular interest of mine that I made know upfront.

Please help!

Dear Cock-blocked Auditor,

Sounds like your senior manager has a non-sexual, professional crush on you. That can be a good thing but in your case, it’s a very bad thing. Your senior manager probably wants the best team possible and it sounds like that would involve you but you’ve got your own ambitions and those need to be respected. This especially true because TS has already offer has been extended to you. It’s not for someone else (senior manager or not) to stick their beak in your business and prevent you from following the career path you choose.

Having said all that, I suggest that you first talk to the senior manager on your audit engagement. You say that they are blocking the rotation but how do you know? Nothing in your email indicates that (s)he walked straight up to you, pointed a finger in your chest and said, “You’re mine, bitch!” It’s entirely possible that the SM kept you on to prevent you from getting picked up by anyone else. This will allow you to get the story straight before running off to your performance manager. If your suspicions are true (or you did experience a finger pointing incident), then it’s time to get your PM involved. If he is “100%” behind this opportunity like you say, then this should get resolved rather quickly. Transaction Services obviously wants you to work with them and it’s something you’re interested in doing. That isn’t complicated but these things do take time and that may be the hold-up.

So be patient but be direct. Until your rotation’s timing is finalized, there’s no need to get anxious but confirm the motivation behind the scheduling before you have to pull out the big guns. Good luck.

Post-Nasal Drip Ruins One CPA Exam Candidate’s Experience

Perhaps Caleb can confirm for us whether or not the exotic Colorado climate is snot-inducing, inquiring minds are dying to know.

We love tales from the CPA exam (if you have one, please let us know), especially ones that make us wonder if Prometric staff are human beings or robots. Once again, we totally get the high security environment but have to question the logic that dictates a drippy nose should be left to annoy the rest of the room instead of providing a candidate with a damn tissue (or a barf bucket). Absent a pen (unless they’ve keistered one, obviously), what exactly could the candidate do with the tissue to compromise the security of the CPA exam? Copy MCQ by swirling around the snot?

Seriously.

I got kicked out of the CPA exam (but let back in) because of the sniffles. I had just moved to Colorado and was having a hard time adjusting to the climate so I had a constantly running nose. When I got to the exam I asked if I could take some Kleenex in with me and they told me no. It was my first part of the exam so I was still feeling out how it all works, etc. I was in my second testlet and occasionally had a sniffle here and there (not hocking a loogie or anything, just a small sniffle). I feel a tap on my shoulder which scares the pants off me since I’m in the zone. I turn around and pull off my headphones and the moderator tells me she’s going to have to ask me to leave the exam (which is all she says). I stare at her dumbfounded and my heart starts racing “but why?? what did I do wrong??!” trying to think if I had taken off my hoodie during the exam (which is a no-no) or something else to get me kicked out of my first exam. She says “I’m going to have to ask you to come blow your nose, we’ve had some complaints”. So I stare at her more. “But I’m in the middle of a testlet, should I wait and come out after the testlet is closed?”… she responds “No, please come with me.” So she escorts me out of the testing room, points at a box of kleenex and demands I blow my nose in front of her and throw it in the trash can. I had flooding memories back to kindergarten….. So I return to my testing room, relieved I was allowed back in, only to wonder to myself “Who the hell would have complained about my sniffles? Were they not wearing their headphones or something?”. So when I got to the typing portion of my test I made sure to bang my keys as loud as I possibly could.

Colorado CPA in Australia.

Fine, it’s a Pandora’s Box… first Prometric starts providing tissues and next thing you know candidates are demanding emergency tampons for unplanned monthly accidents, insulin, and porn to accommodate their masturbation disability. We get it, it’s a slippery slope of accommodation and Prometric shouldn’t be expected to have a solution for every possible scenario but let’s be reasonable here, it’s just a little snot.

Really, Prometric?

Big 4 Summer Intern Open Thread

Let me just say first off that this will not be an exclusive thread to the Big 4, I simply have to appease my SEO fanatic co-workers. That means if you’re interning at Grant Thornton, BDO, McGladrey, Moss Adams, Rothstein Kass, it doesn’t matter, don’t be afraid to jump in with questions or comments or respond to any of the regular commenters out there (“GT Partner” is a treat).

Anyway, it’s not technically summer but DWB encouraged me to drop an open thread on you all so that A) interns can share their skyrocketing anxiety and B) the veterans can bestow some of their wisdom upon these coffee gophers so that they don’t get in the way too much. Since I saw my fair share of interns pass through my time inside the House of Klynveld, I’ll jump in first.

For starters new interns, you need dress nice. If you show up in baggy Dockers without a belt and a Nike golf shirt and scuffed-up shoes – I hate you already. And unless you can do back flips (as it relates to your work) and buy me coffee once a week, my mind is made up about you already. For the ladies, since the dress code is a little more subjective for you, all I ask is you not show up in your pajamas. That said, your female superiors will be eyeing your attire much closer and they will be judging the shit out of you. And if they’re really offended by your fashion forwardness, they aren’t above tattling on you. Believe me, I’ve seen it happen.

As for work – find it. Sometimes you may have to act busy by reading god-awful training manuals or diversity literature or something else that makes you want to bathe with a toaster but FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR MEDIOCRE BIG 4 CAREER, I suggest you don’t look bored. I don’t care if you have to grovel to the lowliest A1 on your team, if you’re not working (or at least appear to be working), someone will notice and that doesn’t bode well for your chances at fulltime offer.

Finally, make some friends. Can you carry on a conversation that doesn’t revolve around your Beta Alpha Psi chapter or the bitch of an Intermediate mid-term you had? Excellent, you’ll be fine. Someone will like you. If you like talking about those things, I strongly suggest you find a hobby fast. The Mets are driving you crazy? Great, talk about that. You just saw the Arctic Monkeys in concert? Wonderful, music is rad. Outdoorsy type? Talk about some camping trips. You’re into Brazilian Jujitsu? Okay but don’t show off your injuries. That’s just gross.

Bottom line: be yourself. Unless yourself sucks. In which case, email the career advice brain trust and we’ll turn this around. Now if you’ll excuse me, some of us don’t have interns and I have to fetch my own coffee.