Please ensure Javascript is enabled for purposes of website accessibility
October 4, 2023

And the Award for Deloitte Analyst Most Likely to Sleep His Way to the Top Goes To…

Gents, are you sick of being treated like eye candy? Are you tired of getting attention for your looks when all you want to do his serve your capital markets? Being judged for alleged promiscuity with superiors?

No? Cool with it? Good, because there are awards being handed out across the pond primarily based on your superficial qualities and your willingness to whore yourself out for personal success (click to enlarge).

Picture 2_jpeg.jpg

We’re filling out our ballot now but as the message says, you’ve got until the 18th, so ponder these carefully. Barry Salzberg is a lock at #6, especially if he’s wearing a hard hat.

Btw, who is going to tabulate the votes? We sure as hell can’t trust anyone from Deloitte to do it. Consider this the official RFP.
Also discuss your thoughts on the categories included, what categories are omitted, nominate yourself by sending us photos (we’ll pass them along). Anything on your mind, really.

Gents, are you sick of being treated like eye candy? Are you tired of getting attention for your looks when all you want to do his serve your capital markets? Being judged for alleged promiscuity with superiors?

No? Cool with it? Good, because there are awards being handed out across the pond primarily based on your superficial qualities and your willingness to whore yourself out for personal success (click to enlarge).

Picture 2_jpeg.jpg

We’re filling out our ballot now but as the message says, you’ve got until the 18th, so ponder these carefully. Barry Salzberg is a lock at #6, especially if he’s wearing a hard hat.

Btw, who is going to tabulate the votes? We sure as hell can’t trust anyone from Deloitte to do it. Consider this the official RFP.
Also discuss your thoughts on the categories included, what categories are omitted, nominate yourself by sending us photos (we’ll pass them along). Anything on your mind, really.

Latest Accounting Jobs--Apply Now:

Have something to add to this story? Give us a shout by email, Twitter, or text/call the tipline at 202-505-8885. As always, all tips are anonymous.

Related articles

young woman looking at her phone in a dark room

Deloitte Survey Finds Zoomers Are 3x More Likely to Fall For Scams Than Boomers So Why Don’t More of Them Work at Deloitte

Buried in the fourth annual Connected Consumer survey announced Wednesday by Deloitte is a concerning figure: Gen Zs were more than twice as likely as boomers to have their social media account hacked (17% vs. 8%) and three times more likely than boomers to fall for an online scam (16% vs. 5%). Can we please […]

Deloitte University Is Getting Bigger Because God Forbid KPMG Have the Superior Brainwashing Compound

Dallas Morning News reported yesterday that groundbreaking on a “massive expansion” of the already massive Deloitte University campus in Westlake, Texas will begin in January. Deloitte’s been wanting to expand for a while but was waiting on Tarrant County commissioners to approve more than $5 million in tax breaks. “We certainly appreciate the great corporate […]