Someone call the fashion police.
If there’s one thing sober minded people can agree on, it’s that “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN” hats are ugly. It’s a rope style cap that is solely fashionable at private golf clubs that only allow white, straight males as members. The hue of the classic MAGA cap is a hideous shade of red. What is it? Crimson? Scarlet? Rose? Who gives a shit, it’s ugly. The font is in all caps Times Roman, so we know that it’s meant to bellowed like a drunk Patriots fan. And the slogan is basically plagiarized, making it soulless, unimaginative and blatantly dishonest. Regardless of your politics, I think you’ll agree that these eyesores should be smote into ash.
Which brings us to this story. Greg Piatek is a manager at Deloitte who is suing The Happiest Hour, a bar in New York’s West Village, for refusing to serve him and his buddies over his #MAGA cap. Yep! This is a real American story, people. Here’s the New York Post:
The shake-up started when Piatek and two pals, after a visit to the 9/11 Memorial, ordered drinks at the posh tavern around 6:30 p.m. Jan. 28.
A female bartender served Piatek a $15 jalapeño margarita and his pals beers. But when he tried to order a second round, a male bartender noticed his hat — and skipped them, he said.
One of Piatek’s pals pointed out it was their turn to be served, but the bartender scoffed. “Is that hat a joke?” the Manhattan Supreme Court suit claims he said.
Yes, yes it is a joke! It’s a hideous item of clothing that you should not wear on your head. If you were cast out into the cold naked and alone, you should refrain from wearing this hat, even if to cover yourself. The hat is ugly.
But it also infers a political message. A political message that lots of people in, say New York City, don’t agree with and many find offensive. Thereby, wearing the hat in a West Village bar cannot be construed as anything other than an audacious troll move. Piatek knew or should have known that wearing that particular hat in that particular place was bound to get a reaction out of someone. And, what do you know, it worked like a charm.
Now he’s claiming that the whole situation has left him “humiliated, degraded, victimized, embarrassed and emotionally distressed.” In other words: Sad! No, really, Piatek’s lawyer said that it was his client’s “saddest hour.”
Anyway, someone give Greg a new hat, please. Not just to cheer him up but also to give him something a little more fashionable to wear. Maybe a mesh visor or a fedora? Any other ideas are welcome.
