Welcome to Unpopular Opinion, a new semi-regular series on Going Concern addressing topics impacting the accounting profession from the contrarian perspective. Have an unpopular opinion to share? Get in touch. Note: opinions are not necessarily mine.
Diversity and inclusion are hot-button issues not only in accounting but in the business world at large these days, with entire teams of old white guys declaring a renewed focus on building teams with diversity in mind. This attitude extends to leadership roles, with Cathy Engelbert as a recent example of a woman heading up an accounting firm. Wait, maybe she’s not the best example since she only lasted one term.
What was I saying? Oh right, chicks in accounting. Unless you’re a Big 4 firm in the heart of San Francisco where 95% of new hires are Asian women, chances are your firm is a little light on the ladies, especially in leadership. Know what? That’s totally OK, and here’s a few reasons why:
Why change something that already works? Look, this great nation was founded over 200 years ago by old white guys. Old white guys are literally the foundation America was built on. If you’re any kind of patriot, you’ll acknowledge that old white guys are part of what makes America the greatest country in the world. Why mess with something that clearly worked well enough to create America out of nothing but other people’s land and dreams of freedom?
Women are emotional. Look, I’m a woman so I can admit that we can sometimes be emotional. The whole reason the word “hysterical” exists is because some women in old-timey days were crazy bags of emotion, annoying the shit out of their husbands. We can’t have that, especially in business. It’s not like grown professional women are capable of making rational decisions, what with our feral lady parts and constantly surging hormones running the show.
Hair. Hair everywhere. No one wants a boardroom that looks like a second-tier state university dorm bathroom. And the bobby pins, so many bobby pins. As we all know, men are obviously way cleaner and don’t leave their head yarn stuck to every chair they sit in.
Kids. The female sex is capable of nuturing life, and while this is pretty amazing, it’s also really inconvenient when you’re trying to run a business. And then what happens when your female CEO has her baby? I bet she’ll have the nerve to ask for time off to be with her newborn child! Who is gonna make all the important decisions while she’s neglecting the firm to bond with her baby? Eww.
So that’s all I’ve got. Thankfully all that diversity and equality nonsense is mostly limited to press releases rather than practice anyway. So forget Lean In, ladies, go ahead and Sit Down.