Things are getting pretty bad financially for all of us right now; grocery trips are digging deeper into our pockets every time we pick up a few things, rents are rising, and gas is up to $37 a gallon ($40 by the time I finish this sentence probably). Inflation is expected to remain high through 2022 so expect things to get worse from here.
You will no doubt be disappointed by your raise this year (unless you quit and find a new firm) but the bills still have to be paid. Sometimes you just don’t feel like dusting off your resume and hitting the job market, so you reluctantly stick around collecting your meager paycheck as you watch it spread thinner and thinner every pay period. How about adding a side hustle? Here are 10 possibilities we hand picked just for hardworking Big 4 accountants.
First of all, there are plenty of accountants on OnlyFans already. You might run into a bit of conflict between you and your firm’s rules on outside work but whatever fuck ’em, these are tough times.
Those of you in California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Iowa, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, New York, Oregon, and Vermont should pay special attention to this part. Take all those empty beer bottles we know are stacked up on your coffee table as we speak and return them for profit! Some states even have deposits on liquor bottles which means even more cash for Big 4 grunts grappling with work-induced alcoholism. $$ AND booze! Win.
Remember how there were magical people who brought you meal after meal at the beginning of the pandemic? Now you can be one of them! At $2-10 per delivery you’ll be buying that summer house in no time.
You might also consider Ubering in your copious amounts of free-time. Sure you’ll probably break even between wear and tear on your vehicle and current gas prices (it’s $45/gal by this point in the article) but think of all the fun exciting people you’ll meet!
Facebook Marketplace reselling
Personally I use Freecycle to get rid of the old crap I no longer want and no matter what I post there’s always this one lady who messages asking if she can have it. What are the odds a single person needs a broken vacuum cleaner, size 8 1/2 shoes, a cat toy, and a bag of assorted chargers? What I suspect is happening is that she grabs all the free stuff and sells it who knows where, Facebook Marketplace or a flea market, I really don’t care as long as it’s no longer my problem. I imagine this hobby of hers must be at least somewhat profitable otherwise why would someone dedicate so much time to fondling other people’s junk?
Do you have opinions? Of course you do. Well now you can get paid for giving them. Granted you’ll get paid pennies per minute but that’s 50 pennies more than you had ten minutes ago. Every cent counts in this economy! NerdWallet spent 50 hours testing out online survey sites and calculated hourly earnings from 41 cents to $2.03. Who needs a bonus when you can sell your labor for $2 an hour!
This one is a bit tricky as the firm probably won’t give you time off if the drug you’re testing gives you a set of mean side effects. But consider the positive, you might test a drug that gives you anhedonia (which you probably have already now that I think about it) and become too numb to be depressed by the state of your bank account and the world at large. Win! Healthy human volunteers earn between $150 and $13,000 with a median clinical trial compensation of $3070 making it easily the most profitable option on this list.
Chances are your lack of work-life balance has already alienated you from your loved ones making multi-level marketing a perfect side hustle option. Yes you will get blocked by the few people you still talk to as you desperately bombard them with emojis but you’ll gain a closet full of inventory! Unlimited leggings woooooo! The most profitable MLM according to this nets an average of $556 annually, or approximately $46 per month. That’s at least good for half an Aldi run?
Do you have a skill people would pay you to perform? No, we’re not talking about those skills, we covered that already in the OnlyFans section. If you can use the lasso tool and paste heads onto bodies in Photoshop you’re only minutes away from charging for graphic design on gigwork sites. Maybe you’ll get lucky and score a gig ghostwriting furry erotica. It’s a thing. A thing people get paid to write. Don’t ask how I know.
Of every item on this list, Airbnb is the only one that isn’t a joke, people can clear an easy $1,000 a month renting out their homes. Since you’re never at yours, this could be the perfect opportunity to afford all that avocado toast we know you waste your limited income on. Because we live in a strange dystopian future where every inch is commoditized, you can also rent out room at the back of your closet to someone looking to store some boxes. Definitely nothing at all weird about a stranger wanting to stick some boxes in your house, no way.
There you have it. Don’t let partners’ pursuit of profit get in the way of having your basic needs met, you’ve got this.
I’m sorry but anyone who got a job at one of the big 4 would never stoop so low to take these ideas. This article is more for recent graduates with a 2.5 GPA or lower for degrees in accounting.
It wasn’t obvious this list was a joke when you got to the part about being a medical research guinea pig?
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