Tag: Brits

Stupid Man Frustrated with Girlfriend Engages in Random Act of Accounting Firm Violence

Are you a jobless loser? Is your significant other driving you batty? Not sure how to vent your frustrations? One man found himself in such a predicament an acted in the best way he knew how:

An unemployed man who smashed the window of a Burton accountancy firm during a heated row with his girlfriend has been ordered to pay £750 compensation.


Luckily, Craig’s Guy moment of rage resulted in some poetic justice for Mom and Pop accounting firms everywhere:

The 28-year-old, of Balfour Street, Horninglow, was left with a ‘substantial injury’ to his wrist after he punched and shattered the 10ft by 5ft window on Monday evening. Emma Thompson, prosecuting, told magistrates: “It was 6pm when two witnesses saw the defendant put his fist through the window. Police were called and they traced him 45 minutes later in Evershed Way. He was found to be bleeding heavily. “He made full and frank admissions straight away and said he’d had a heated row with his partner,” Ms Thompson said. “He told officers he punched the nearest thing to him and he accepts it was a stupid thing to do.

[via Burton Mail]

Accountant’s Neighbors Disgusted with His Overgrown Bush

It would probably surprise no one that landscaping is hobby that many accountants are fond of. Or maybe it would. Whatever. The meticulousness of making sense of numbers seems to jive well with a finely manicured lawn, trees and bushes that adorn one’s property. Plus, the green thumb matches the eyeshade.

Anyway, putting all that time and energy into natural aesthetics could cause anyone to get a little possessive. If anyone so much as lays a finger on a single tree branch without permission, things could get ugly. To wit:

An accountant who allegedly left a former policeman bleeding and concussed in a brawl over hedge trimming before launching an expensive law suit has defended his response insisting: “It wasn’t just trimmed it was butchered”.

Now if that sounds like a bit of an overreaction, the accountant in question – Anthony Branson – claims that this incident was part of ‘extreme intimidation’ by his neighbors, the Marreros. Intimidation that was ultimately brought to a head:

The next day Mr Marrero, who had been away, sent family to attempt to finish off clipping the hedge, something Mr Branson said further antagonised the situation. He also claims he discovered the gates of the adjoining paddock, where he and his wife Corrinne keep around a dozen alpacas, left open, apparently deliberately.

Trimming a man’s bush without permission could be understandable. But dragging innocent, sometimes overly hairy, camelids into the situation? That just seems uncalled for.

Hedge brawl accountant: ‘It wasn’t just trimmed it was butchered’ [Telegraph]

KPMG Is Sorry for Not Sorting Through This Giant Charlie Foxtrot (aka MF Global) a Little Faster

Initially the House of Klynveld wasn’t worried about any MF Global clients getting their money back. Then yesterday we learned that plenty of people were pretty cranky, including one trader who thought the firm’s efforts so far were hilarious. Now, after a number of cranky phone calls and thousands of sternly-worded emails, KPMG is apologi[z]ing for all the “disruption” since they’ve been appointed as the administrator of MF Global:

“We are working with the companies’ staff to transfer client positions wherever possible. Where exchanges and counterparties have defaulted the company under their own rules, we have worked closely with them to try to optimise the outcome,” said Richard Fleming, UK head of restructuring at KPMG. “We understand the frustration among clients and market participants at the disruption that is currently being experienced and are sorry for the inconvenience this is causing. In relation to client assets and monies held by the company we are actively working to reconcile holdings and accounts in order to enable assets to be released as soon as possible.”

So, c’mon guys; I know it’s been over 72 hours but please bear with them.

KPMG apologises over MF Global disruption [FT]

Brits To Give Big 4 the Full Monty

Britain’s top accountants are to have their own books scrutinised after the consumer watchdog referred the business of checking companies’ figures for a full-scale competition inquiry. The Office of Fair Trading (OFT) said it had been concerned for some time that the audit market is highly concentrated with low levels of switching and substantial barriers to entry. The watchdog estimates that in 2010 the “big four” firms, PwC, KPMG, Deloitte and Ernst & Young, earned 99% of audit fees paid by FTSE 100 companies, while between 2002 and 2010 only 2.3% of FTSE 100 firms changed their auditor. [UKPA]