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KPMG Is Sorry for Not Sorting Through This Giant Charlie Foxtrot (aka MF Global) a Little Faster

Posted on by Caleb Newquist

Initially the House of Klynveld wasn’t worried about any MF Global clients getting their money back. Then yesterday we learned that plenty of people were pretty cranky, including one trader who thought the firm’s efforts so far were hilarious. Now, after a number of cranky phone calls and thousands of sternly-worded emails, KPMG is apologi[z]ing for all the “disruption” since they’ve been appointed as the administrator of MF Global:

“We are working with the companies’ staff to transfer client positions wherever possible. Where exchanges and counterparties have defaulted the company under their own rules, we have worked closely with them to try to optimise the outcome,” said Richard Fleming, UK head of restructuring at KPMG. “We understand the frustration among clients and market participants at the disruption that is currently being experienced and are sorry for the inconvenience this is causing. In relation to client assets and monies held by the company we are actively working to reconcile holdings and accounts in order to enable assets to be released as soon as possible.”

So, c’mon guys; I know it’s been over 72 hours but please bear with them.

KPMG apologises over MF Global disruption [FT]

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First Marblehead Taking a Mulligan on Financial Statements

More importantly, how are the KPMG auditors celebrating (because we want to know)?

From the 8-K, filed this morning:

On May 10, 2011, The First Marblehead Corporation (the “Corporation”) announced that its board of directors (the “Board of Directors”), in consultation with management, the audit committee of the Board of Directors (the “Audit Committee”) and KPMG LLP, the Corporation’s independent registered public accounting firm, concluded that certain unaudited financial statements previously issued by the Corporation should no longer be relied upon.

In order to correct errors in the recording of certain non-cash items, as described below, the Corporation will restate the unaudited financial statements contained in the Corporation’s Quarterly Report on Form 10-Q for the fiscal quarter ended September 30, 2010 (the “Q1 Form 10-Q”) and the Corporation’s Quarterly Report on Form 10-Q for the fiscal quarter ended December 31, 2010 (the “Q2 Form 10-Q”). The Corporation expects to file the restated Q1 Form 10-Q and the restated Q2 Form 10-Q, as well as the Corporation’s Quarterly Report on Form 10-Q for the fiscal quarter ended March 31, 2011 (the “Q3 Form 10-Q”), no later than May 16, 2011.

If you really want to get into the gory details, First Marblehead is bringing 14 securitization trusts onto the balance sheet that were previously accounted for off-balance sheet and its deferred tax assets in Q1 and Q2 are jumping over to the liability side (and the corresponding benefits are becoming expenses). The company says this is NBD as CFO Ken Klipper said, “These restatements … do not affect our cash position and are expected to have no impact on our ongoing business operations.” But the next six days may be a little uncomfortable for the accounting department and the KPMG audit team.

KPMG’s Latest “Green Initiative” Has One Employee Demanding Sherpas

[caption id="attachment_24110" align="alignright" width="150" caption="Clearly a KPMG auditor; all the supplies are blue."][/caption]

As many of you are aware, schlepping around a laptop, supplies and God knows what else is standard operating procedure for many Big 4 employees. If you work in New York, this annoyance is compounded by the fact that you have to coordinate all this stuff in an awkward balancing act in order to walk (at least partially) to your desired location. Even if your engagement budget allows you to take a cab, the annoyance factor is high.

Unfortunately, this has now been made worse (never mind the slick sidewalks for two), according to a tipster who has a beef with the New York office of KPMG’s latest attempt to save the planet:

I don’t know why this set me off the way it did, but this really made me very angry so I thought I’d send it in to you to post for open internet mockery. Now in addition to carrying around a laptop, printers, the new second monitors, binders etc all over the city, KPMG expects me to strap a MUG to myself and heaven forfend I use a “Guest Mug” because then how will I compete in this swell “Original Mug Contest”?

I’m 115 pounds, I don’t have the body mass to deal with what is gradually turning into some sort of fully equipped mountain climbing expedition. KPMG needs to start handing out sherpas. Immediately after this email went out, about three different conversations involving stockpiling paper cups in various drawers started around me. What is 500K cups anyways, about half a tree? My free cup of crummy coffee in my paper cup that requires next to no effort to get is the high point of my day, so screw you KPMG Green Initiative.

Here’s the email describing the initiative (sorry for the disjointed look, we had to clip it twice) that caused our tipster to fly off the handle.

So not only does insufficient auditing space have their unforeseen repercussions, the quantity of stuff that auditors are asked to drag with them is reaching critical mass. No lives appear to be in danger yet but one has to wonder where the breaking point is. Your concerns and reactions are welcome at this time.

Confidential to KPMG: If Phil Mickelson Wins the PGA Championship, Don’t Send Him Omaha Steaks

[caption id="attachment_15841" align="alignright" width="260" caption="Not thinking about Five Guys...Not thinking about Five Guys...Not thinking about Five Guys"][/caption]

As we briefly mentioned this morning, KPMG Poster Boy Phil Mickelson is only about 90% for this week’s PGA Championship because he’s been suffering from psoriatic arthritis for the last two months.

While this may have hampered his game in the last couple of tournaments, there’s been a far more serious development. Phil has gone vegetarian.

We can only imagine what kind of frenzy this development this has sent the KPMG Phil-handlers into. There’s no doubt in our minds that Omaha Steaks are the go to “FTW Phil!” gift that he receives before after every tournament he wins. But now what? This veggie thing is serious.

“I know this is crazy,” he said Tuesday. “For the last two months now, I’ve been a vegetarian. Can you believe that?”

This puts Mickelson in an awkward position. Not only is he a connoisseur of all things beef, but he is part of an ownership group that has purchased the rights for Five Guys burger and fries franchises in Orange County, Calif.

“The real test is driving by a Five Guys and not stopping,” he said. “I don’t know if I can do that yet, but we’ll see.”

Since it’s only been a couple of months, we doubt that Phil has gotten over the meat sweats yet but if he happens to pull out a victory in this last major, you can expect the big guy will be dumping those Five Guys franchises ASAP.

Mickelson a Strait shooter [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]