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January 30, 2023

What Do We Think Is Going Through KPMG CEO Lynne Doughtie’s Mind During This Interview?

Lynne Doughtie KPMG

If you’re a Big 4 CEO, part of your job includes bopping around lavish business events like the World Economic Forum. KPMG U.S. CEO Lynne Doughtie is no exception, but given this week’s events, you can’t help but wonder if she’s doing so with a raging fire atop her head.

Not that you would know by watching this video:

She’s no different than other CEOs. Poised. Optimistic. Inspired.

But in the back of her mind somewhere, she has to be thinking about how, 4,000 miles away, her firm is the middle of public relations and existential nightmare. So what’s that interior monologue saying? It’s impossible to know, but here is one likely stream of consciousness:

  • ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit
  • How many times did I have to go to lunch Middendorf? A dozen? A hundred? The guy ate like a pig. Disgusting.
  • What if I just strapped on a pair of skis and disappeared into the Swiss Alps?
  • How many times have we told people ‘Imagine the content of your email being on the front page of the Wall Street Journal‘? Is it possible that that suggestion doesn’t work?
  • Everyone’s innocent until proven guilty. The DOJ has made mistakes before.
  • ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit
  • Dear God, please have Trump get busted with a Russian prostitute. I’ll never ask you for anything again.
  • My career is fine. Fine. I’m the CEO. Sure, the buck stops with me, but we fired the bad apples. Just a few bad apples. Right? We got them all. Didn’t we? I’m sure we did. I mean, who else is left? Just a few bad apples. Just a few bad apples.
  • ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit
  • When the is interview going to be over? I have to pee.

[BI]

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