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Here’s Your Authoritative Guide for Likening Game of Thrones to Public Accounting

I came late to the Game of Thrones party. After hearing rumblings about a “Red Wedding” and the emotional scars it left on people who I thought didn’t have shred of empathy in their bones, I immediately stopped watching Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 5 to binge on GoT. 
And as we approach the finale of Season 4, it felt appropriate to post about GoT as it parallels the world of public accounting. Silly? Yes. A complete waste of time considering the serious issues facing the profession? Without question. But necessary? Indubitably. 
Now, I know what some of you people are thinking. Yes, you people who started reading A Song of Ice in Fire, in the 90s. You people will nitpick through this post, pontificating about “what happens in the books” and I have a rebuttal for you: SHUT UP. This post represents the current knowledge that I have in place as an Unsullied GoT fan and I reserve the right to amend any statements at a later date. 
But really, that’s not true. I’m only going to write this once and I’ll probably never look at it again. And really, I envy you people who read the books first. Believe me, if there’s anyone who enjoys berating people late to a particular aspect of popular (or not-so-popular) culture, it’s yours truly (and Adrienne, too, for that matter). 
I intend to start reading the books in the near future because I refuse to wait for the show. It’ll take time but I imagine I’ll join the ranks of anxious GoT fans who read the books are waiting to see if George R.R. Martin dies before he finishes the final two (or is three?) books. WRITE, DAMN YOU, GEORGE! WRITE! Dragons! Gratuitous sex! Beheadings! It’s not that hard!  
Seriously though, it’ll be fun for those of you who have read the books to fill in the holes. I mean there are no less than 100,000 characters in the GoT series and there are roughly 10 notable accounting firms. It’s not an easy task and I don’t expect everyone to see the Worlds of Westeros and public accounting the same way I do.
I will give my best reasoning possible, but you have been warned: SPOILERS AHEAD. I REPEAT: SPOILERS AHEAD. I will not be held responsible for anyone who accidentally reads too much and finds out that Joffrey gets eaten by a dragon while he attempts to chop off Daenerys’s head. 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No, that’s not what happens. But, seriously, if you don’t want to know anything about anything then stop reading now.
Arryn:McGladrey — They’re a major player but not quite at the level of their contemporaries; lately, they’re often forgotten about because they’re so damn weird and no one cares if all of the residents went — whoosh! — right through the Moon Door. 
Baratheon:EY — Does it seem odd that man like Robert Baratheon, a man who excelled at fighting, womaning, drinking, hunting and the like would die at the hands…er… tusk of a wild boar? Not really, actually, since he was super drunk. He couldn’t even believe it while lying on his deathbed. An unlikely death but, perhaps, given his nature, not inconceivable. Likewise, doesn’t it seem strange that a firm like EY, with endless resources, would change its name, brand, tagline; go to all that preparation of changing the look, feel, tone and vision and NOT google “EY”? To this day, there are shirtless young men all over Google Images when you search “EY.” Did it not occur to anyone at the Black and Yellow to check that out? It defies comprehension, and, yet, it happened. Perhaps Renly had something to do with it?
Greyjoy:Grant Thornton — You get the distinct impression they resent everyone else. I suppose that has something to do with the widely held view that they’re the 5th kingdom/firm and the four above don’t pay them much mind. 
Lannister:PwC — This is an easy one. First of all, the colors match. Second of all, the money. Third, you can’t help but admire them; there’s just so good at what they do but sometimes their tactics make you go, “Jesus, guys. Take it easy.” Fourth, “A P. Dubber always pays his debts,” has a nice ring to it. Fifth, Tywin and Dennis Nally have an uncanny resemblance. Here, look:

Okay, maybe it’s just the same balding pattern, but it’s something!

Martell:Mazars — Who are these foreigners? Sure, they have good looks and sexy accents but does that mean they get to hobnob with the most prestigious? What’s their game? They’re obviously up to something but no one knows exactly what. Revenge? To revel in depravity? Champion some cause that you wouldn’t expect? It’s such a mountain of mystery I want to gouge my eyes out.

Night’s Watch:PCAOB — Where castoffs, rejects, misfits and others from around the realm end up. Their role is important and they have a range of talents, but it’s not a sexy job. Literally. They can’t have sex or they get thrown out. Oh, and the people they’re protecting don’t really give them a second thought. Why? Because their benefactors don’t believe they’re being protected from anything. White walkers, giants, audit failures, giant audit failures — they’re not real!

Stark:KPMG — Another no-brainer. How much bad luck can one group of people endure? Betrayal after betrayal after betrayal befalls these people. Just when you think they’re making a comeback something kicks them down again. You’d like to see them pull it together but you can’t help but think they’re damaged beyond repair.

Targaryen:Andersen — Who else? A once great and powerful house is now just a shell of its former self. Cast off. Ashamed. Largely forgotten. Still, they’re legends. But like many legends, all they talk about the good ol’ days and spend their days hatching futile plans to reclaim their glory.

The Iron Bank of Braavos:Clients — In case you’ve forgotten, this is who’s really in charge. “You can’t run from them. You can’t cheat them. You can’t sway them with excuses.”

Tully:BDO — They’ve been around a while but don’t quite have the allure that they had when in their heyday. They narrowly escaped a fatal situation.

Tyrell:Deloitte — The main rival of the Lannisters (aka PwC) and yet the two manage to keep things amicable and even work together to get what they both want. It’s clear that they can’t stand each other but sometimes you associate with people who can help you. It’s just business. Their power and influence is irritating because they’re devious and underhanded. They want people who aren’t paying close attention to think they’re good people…and compared to their main rivals, they are! But ultimately, they are phonies. They have their own agenda and they’ll do whatever it takes to see it through. 

I’ll turn over the remainder of Westeros to you. Yes, I’m missing the Boltons, Dothraki, DRAGONS, Free Folk, Freys, The Unsullied, White Walkers, but I feel like I’ve done this post some justice. And if you disagree, I’ll remind you — If you want justice, you’ve come to the wrong place.