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DC Cops Need Your Help Finding The Scrub Who Robbed DC Auditor’s Office

DC cops are looking for help from the public in tracking down the loser in jorts who nabbed two Dell laptops from the DC Auditor’s Office located at 700 block of 14th Street, NW.

On Monday, April 16, at approximately 5:30pm, this scrub in a white t-shirt and blue cargo shorts entered the DC Auditor's Office and walked out with two computers. April 16th is Emancipation Day in the District so all DC government offices were closed, meaning the perp had to break in. MPD states he possibly has a tattoo beneath his left knee, making him a really stupid criminal for wearing shorts to a robbery.

The D.C. Auditor's Office is the DC Council's investigative branch, its main job is investigating allegations of fraud, waste or abuse within DC city government.

The crook is described as a white male (duh), 6' tall with a stocky build. Looking at the surveillance footage, he may also be rocking a completely out-of-date baby beard (according to my analysis of the tape).

Anyone who knows this guy should not attempt to apprehend him but should call 202-727-9099 or text 50411. MPD is offering a $1,000 reward to anyone who provides information that leads to the arrest and conviction of the person or persons responsible for any burglary committed in the District of Columbia.

The video is hilarious. Camera? Fuck you, camera!

Even funnier is DC Council Chairman Kwame Brown's response to the incident, saying "I have no idea why anyone would steal anything. I'm very concerned about it." Right, bro; right. No one who might know what was on the computers will say if anything important was on them, so let's just assume yes.