December 3, 2021

DC Cops Need Your Help Finding The Scrub Who Robbed DC Auditor’s Office

DC cops are looking for help from the public in tracking down the loser in jorts who nabbed two Dell laptops from the DC Auditor’s Office located at 700 block of 14th Street, NW.

On Monday, April 16, at approximately 5:30pm, this scrub in a white t-shirt and blue cargo shorts entered the DC Auditor's Office and walked out with two computers. April 16th is Emancipation Day in the District so all DC government offices were closed, meaning the perp had to break in. MPD states he possibly has a tattoo beneath his left knee, making him a really stupid criminal for wearing shorts to a robbery.

The D.C. Auditor's Office is the DC Council's investigative branch, its main job is investigating allegations of fraud, waste or abuse within DC city government.

The crook is described as a white male (duh), 6' tall with a stocky build. Looking at the surveillance footage, he may also be rocking a completely out-of-date baby beard (according to my analysis of the tape).

Anyone who knows this guy should not attempt to apprehend him but should call 202-727-9099 or text 50411. MPD is offering a $1,000 reward to anyone who provides information that leads to the arrest and conviction of the person or persons responsible for any burglary committed in the District of Columbia.

The video is hilarious. Camera? Fuck you, camera!

Even funnier is DC Council Chairman Kwame Brown's response to the incident, saying "I have no idea why anyone would steal anything. I'm very concerned about it." Right, bro; right. No one who might know what was on the computers will say if anything important was on them, so let's just assume yes.

Latest Accounting Jobs--Apply Now:

Have something to add to this story? Give us a shout by email, Twitter, or text/call the tipline at 202-505-8885. As always, all tips are anonymous.

Comments are closed.

Related articles

Per Criminal, PwC is Preferred Audit Firm for Criminals

Our favorite 1980s felon, Sam "The Ham" Antar has given his enthusiastic endorsement to every fraudster's favorite audit firm:   Tip for Fraudsters: Every criminal mastermind loves to hire PwC pic.twitter.com/CeinNT9w1C — Sam E. Antar (@SamAntar) March 28, 2014 Hey Sam, can you grab us one of those Koozies? Thanks, guy! Latest Accounting Jobs–Apply Now: […]

If It Sounds Too Good to be True, It’s Probably a Pyramid Scheme

The SEC busted yet another alleged pyramid scheme, and this one implicated the cloud in their malfeasance: The SEC alleges that three entities collectively operating under the business names WCM and WCM777 are posing as multi-level marketing companies in the business of selling third-party cloud computing services, which can include website hosting, data storage, and […]