Over the years, we’ve shared countless firm farewells with you. From viral rants about Beyonce and fake auditors to sappy, totally unnecessary prose about how much they’ll miss the firm, farewell emails are as varied as the soon-to-be-former grunts who write them. Sometimes, they’re just awful, like the tax associate who wrote this actual garbage on his way out the door:
Throughout history, man has faced a continual struggle- both collectively and individually- between two disparate factors. Applying the nomenclature presented by Aristotle in describing argumentative approaches, this conflict derives from the habitual incongruity between logos and pathos. While logos emphasizes the use of reason, pathos accentuates emotional appeal. The majority of Western philosophical thought, from Heraclitus to Hume, appears to favor concepts of logos and reason over pathos and emotion. Unfortunately, this perspective fails to take a sufficiently comprehensive view of the individual. Instead, individuals frequently engage in practices without sufficient reason or logic. Conversely, the pathologically focused philosophers- from the Stoics to Nietzsche- inordinately understate the importance of logical reasoning. Thus, a coherent approach should optimize the underpinnings of both theoretical schools of thought. In full cognizance of the aforementioned necessity for a compromise theoretical view, I often prove reticent to embark upon major decisions without fully analyzing the application of both contrasting theories. It is only after the application of this more holistic view that I have elected to dissolve the bands which have connected me to McGladrey.
Yikes. We get it, bro, you read Nietzche once in 10th grade and know where the thesaurus function is in Outlook.
Even with 11 years of farewell emails in the archive (and countless more in our inboxes that we don’t share, usually because they’re just too boring and clearly submitted by the person saying the farewell in some weird attempt at Internet notoriety), gotta say what I’m about to share with you is a new one. A former Deloitte director used his pending exit from the firm to quantify what it was he actually did in his 11 and a half years there. No really.
“I have been fortunate enough to gain experience and exposure that exceeded far beyond my own expectations and I have no doubt that it has set a solid foundation for the rest of my career. I am really looking forward to the start of my second chapter of my career journey, wherever it may be! Words can’t possibly describe what my time at Deloitte looked like, but in true consulting style, I have attempted to do it in a slide,” Jung wrote on LinkedIn.
Look, it’s corny sure. And it’s not nearly as poetic as “For those of you staying, I refuse to ‘wish you the best.’ Rather, I pray you keep your head up and find ways to make drinkable lemonade out of the rotten produce inherited.” But hey, at least it’s something we haven’t seen done 500 different times in barely distinguishable ways.
Consultant goes viral for fancy slide on his Deloitte career [Consultancy.com.au]