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These CFA Horror Stories Will Make You Feel Better About Not Having To Take the CPA Exam This Month

Posted on by Adrienne Gonzalez

Everyone enjoying your blackout month so far? Great.

While most CPA exam candidates are probably recovering from a marathon race to the end of the last testing window of 2013, future CFAs everywhere are preparing to write their Level I exams on December 7th. Naturally, Business Insider has shared some CFA horror stories ahead of this to make sure everyone gets nice and anxious.

The stories cover the gamut from stabbing threats to urinal cake-crusted calculators, food poisoning to the guy who took an explosive dump in the sink, and really most of these could have happened to any CPA exam candidate. It's safe to click over, laugh and point at these chuckleheads since most of you are safely avoiding your study materials until at least a week after New Years.

Of course, there's always this guy.

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Sometimes You Need Help Getting Your Game On Track

We’re going to talk about a serious topic people. Many of you have discovered tricks of the trade to hep you focus on work that functions better than any sleeping aid out there.

What it basically amounts to is your focus. Sometimes, just sometimes, you require a little help getting your concentration back on track. It can be anything really. For example, if your plans for meeting your less-overworked friends out for a cocktail are totally blown, you might eat five frozen entreés out of the fridge that aren’t yours to feel better and just get your ass in gear to make last call.

Some of you probably rely on less-proven methods but sometimes this is a mental challenge and you have to take the necessary steps to up your game.

Others of you may take advantage of the discounted, yet ever inflating soda prices in your office or at a client location combined with the Adderall that you swiped from your spastic roommate.

We’re pretty sure some of you have come up with your cocktail of methods that, somehow, allow you to do an insurmountable amount of work in a a freakishly short amount of time. Since time is money, your superiors probably have no problem with whatever approach you’ve discovered so share your favorite method of reigning in the focus in the comments. We’re not encouraging illegal behavior here, so keep it below the felony level.

UPDATE: On the advice of counsel and because we care about all of you (yes, all). If you or someone you know needs help, call 1-877-RxAbuse (1-877-792-2873).

We’re Probably Going to Have to Accept the Fact That Accounting Rules are No Match for the Bank Lobby

reservoir-dogs-mexican-standoff.jpgWe’ve been over this 1000 times but like a bad rash, the issue keeps coming back.
NYT has already accused politicians of meddling in the esoterica of accounting, though personally I think that accusation might have been expressed just a tad too late.
As I mentioned when the July article came out:
More, after the jump

Ex FASB chair and former KPMG partner Edward Trott got it right saying “The area for bank regulators to be involved with accounting standards setting is to help identify the financial information the banks need from others to make appropriate lending and investing decisions. In my experience, banks want current fair value information about assets that serve as collateral for loans. They do not want information about what assets cost two or three years ago.”

Exactly! So what’s the debate about?
Assets are not being valued rationally. If someone can explain the model to me, I would love to hear it.
Or as we now call it, “fuzzy math.”
I’ve never been a huge fan of math, probably a large part of why I ended up on the fringes of the accounting industry, we hardly use it. It’s the rules that are being perverted, not necessarily the numbers. That’s Trott’s point, and he’s not the only one who feels that way.
The problem is that companies (non-financials) need to navigate these waters that have been artificially stirred up to allow banks to appear healthier than they are. Companies are licking their wounds and selling off assets while banks are preening over their profitable quarters? That doesn’t make sense.
Accounting pressure is not new either:

What’s gone unnoticed is that in the late ’90s Summers did nothing to stop former Fed chair Alan Greenspan from pressuring US accounting rule makers to water down a proposed new derivatives accounting rule that may have helped stop the current crisis. Many business leaders had strongly opposed the new rule…In fact, in 1998, Summers testified in Congress against regulating the derivatives market.

The ongoing debate gets stranger. What is there to debate about? The pressure is there, minus the understanding of what occurs as a consequence of these actions. Somehow, the behavior continues and we’re still arguing over it.

Possible Confirmation for Your Unfounded Rumors about Partner Expenses

magic money.jpgThere’s a large misconception that partners and directors can run anything through on their expense reports. Lapdances, red meat at Bobby Van’s, shoes at Bergdorf’s, you know, the usual rumored fare.
Alleged abuse notwithstanding, one KPMG director in London has managed to live up to the reputation of flagrantly assaulting the expense reimbursement policy:
More, after the jump

Andrew Wetherall, a director at the firm, fraudulently claimed expenses to pay for holidays, cars, computers and even his divorce from his first wife. The 49-year-old also used them over five and a half years to keep his second wife happy by funding her £15,000-a-month lifestyle. Southwark crown court heard today how he falsely claimed £545,620.89, making several claims for flights abroad and expenses relating to business trips he never went on. After a boss raised the alarm, Wetherall initially claimed it was a mistake. But he owned up to the fraud after an internal probe.

We’re all for bending the rules for some bagels here and there but seriously. What did this guy spend his salary on? Did he have a Stevie Nicks-type coke habit? Whatever happened, all’s forgiven because according to the piece, Wetherall was “suspended by KPMG and has repaid more than £337,000.” It’s only money, right?
Accountant paid for divorce and holidays with £545,000 fraud [London Evening Standard]