October 26, 2020

Meat

A curious cow

PwC Is Getting Into the Exciting World of Fraudulent Meat

We’ve talked a lot over the last few years about accounting firms biting off more than they can chew, with ever-growing consulting arms and now even legal services, but this one takes the cake. The Telegraph reports: The accountancy firm Pricewaterhouse Coopers (PWC) is developing an edible signature with an agent used in spices and […]

Excel Can Help You Choose Where to Get a Meaty Lunch

The Internet’s viral sensation of August 2014 was an off-menu Arby’s sandwich known as the “Meat Mountain." For the low, low price of $10 you can get a stack of eight meats and two cheeses. I think even PETA has been too shocked to respond. And what exactly does this have to do with Microsoft […]

Here’s Your Open Thread for Omaha Steaks at KPMG

This is a really exciting time of year for some people at KPMG, if for no other reason than FREE MEAT. Yes, it's Omaha Steaks time again. Says one tipster: Surprised I haven't seen a post about this yet- my Omaha Steaks arrived today thanks to the house of Klynveld. Weiners, steaks, chicken and burgers […]

KPMG Gives Employees Just the Thing to Pick Up Their Spirits

The first half of 2013 took an unexpected turn for Klynveld Peat Marwick Goerdeler back in April when we all learned that former partner Scott London had shared material non-public information about the firm's audit clients with his watch-concert ticket guy/golfing buddy. While there has been almost no client backlash — the firm hasn't lost […]

Wendy’s/Arby’s CFO: Killing Cows and Pigs Isn’t as Profitable as It Used to Be

This is especially troublesome for the House that Dave Thomas partially built because eating more produce isn’t an option for most Americans.

Higher costs for commodities like beef and bacon will take a bite out of margins at Wendy’s/Arby’s Group (WEN.N) in the second half of 2010, an executive for the No. 3 U.S. fast-food chain said on Tuesday.

“Beef and bacon are two commodities that have been troublesome to us in this current environment,” Steve Hare, Wendy’s/Arby’s chief financial officer, said at an investor conference.

Beef, bacon to bite margins at Wendy’s/Arby’s: CFO [Reuters]

Confidential to KPMG: If Phil Mickelson Wins the PGA Championship, Don’t Send Him Omaha Steaks

[caption id="attachment_15841" align="alignright" width="260" caption="Not thinking about Five Guys...Not thinking about Five Guys...Not thinking about Five Guys"][/caption]

As we briefly mentioned this morning, KPMG Poster Boy Phil Mickelson is only about 90% for this week’s PGA Championship because he’s been suffering from psoriatic arthritis for the last two months.

While this may have hampered his game in the last couple of tournaments, there’s been a far more serious development. Phil has gone vegetarian.

We can only imagine what kind of frenzy this development this has sent the KPMG Phil-handlers into. There’s no doubt in our minds that Omaha Steaks are the go to “FTW Phil!” gift that he receives before after every tournament he wins. But now what? This veggie thing is serious.

“I know this is crazy,” he said Tuesday. “For the last two months now, I’ve been a vegetarian. Can you believe that?”

This puts Mickelson in an awkward position. Not only is he a connoisseur of all things beef, but he is part of an ownership group that has purchased the rights for Five Guys burger and fries franchises in Orange County, Calif.

“The real test is driving by a Five Guys and not stopping,” he said. “I don’t know if I can do that yet, but we’ll see.”

Since it’s only been a couple of months, we doubt that Phil has gotten over the meat sweats yet but if he happens to pull out a victory in this last major, you can expect the big guy will be dumping those Five Guys franchises ASAP.

Mickelson a Strait shooter [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]

KPMG Is Getting Hot Over Some of Your Comments on Summer Blast

We don’t need to remind you that there is a long weekend coming up. In fact, some of you may be bolting later today so you could get a jump on a weekend full of bad decisions.

Sensing your anxiety, KPMG wanted to let you know, that contrary to what some people are saying, there are plenty of Klynveldians who are pleased – nay – ecstatic about the KPMG’s Summer Blast.

It’s been suggested to us that “[The] Radio Station engages in masturbation over Summer Blast” which seems about right. The only other thought we had was of John Veihmeyer printing out the most glowing comments and writhing around in them on a conference table (with the Notre Dame fight song playing in the background).


We received the communiqué and have included some of the comments for your own pleasuring purposes:

“I am a long-time employee of KPMG, over 23 years, and have seen a lot of changes occur over that time. I most appreciate the Employer of Choice initiatives that have transformed this firm and made it truly a great place to work. I think it’s the best campaign ever devised by the firm.”

“I’m so happy to see some of what makes KPMG a great place to work is back! It really made my week – made me feel more confident about the future, made me feel like all the hours and hard work are appreciated, and made me even prouder to say that I work for KPMG.”

“Great news to receive on a Monday morning! Thanks so much for the Summer Blast email; I must admit that it has been quite the buzz since the first teaser email was sent. Good to see colleagues hypothesizing about what it could be. Thanks again for the benefits provided through Summer Blast!”

“KPMG ROCKS!!” [Submitted by Tim Flynn]

“I think this is AWESOME that KPMG cares this much about their employees. While other companies are more into ‘what is best for the company,’ OUR firm is saying ‘what is best for our people.’ That goes a long way with me!” [Easy on the caps, Kanye]

“This is such great news! There has been lots of speculation of what Summer Blast would be. The entire package has exceeded our expectations! What an awesome way to start the summer! The staff really appreciate the acknowledgment of our hard work these past few years! Thank you!” [Speaking on behalf of the staff seems presumptuous]

If you don’t see your thoughts here but would like share, fire away.

One Office Will Be Enjoying a Bonus Denim Day During KPMG’s Summer Blast

Last week we were notified that KPMG’s Summer Blast would soon be in full swing and that details would be forthcoming.

TPTB obviously sensed your anxiety about the details and we’re happy to report that we have the details via the Silicon Valley office. And KPMG SV seems pret-tay, pret-tay excited that two days out of your (presumably) five day week will be spent sporting only 50% of the biz casual uniform.

This Summer, Have a Blast on Us!

Our firm is slightly ahead of plan at this point in our fiscal year, and it’s due in large part to your hard work, teaming, and market development focus. Looking ahead, your continued commitment is critical as we push to meet our business objectives for the year.

In appreciation of your efforts, and to help you to recharge your batteries so we can meet the challenges ahead of us, we’re excited to announce KPMG’s Summer Blast!, a program of food, fun, and perks that lasts all summer long and features:

• A Summer BBQ gift that includes a selection of steaks, chicken breasts, sausage, burgers, and gourmet franks

• The return of Summer Weekend Jumpstart

• The introduction of firmwide Blue Jeans Fridays – Given our office already enjoys Blue Jeans Fridays, as part of Summer Blast, the Silicon Valley Office will also have Blue Jeans Mondays for the duration of Summer Blast!

• The return of the Vacation Photo Challenge

To redeem your BBQ gift and see what all the fun is about, visit our Summer Blast Web site. And keep checking out the site in the coming months to see what’s hot this summer.

We hope this Summer Blast! helps you to enjoy and recharge this summer, so we can all pull together as a team, do our best work, and finish 2010 even stronger than we started it.

Have a great summer! And thanks again for everything you do for the firm, no matter the season.

Typically there is some sort of acknowledgment of the vegetarian/kosher crowd but this particular message glaringly omits it. We’re sure there’s an alternative but in the event that you non-meat eaters are SOL, please inform.

Speaking of meat, some Klynveldians had made it known that they’d prefer to buy their own flesh for consumption by way of a bonus or something like that. If you’re staying with that narrative, kindly elaborate further.

(UPDATE): We’ve now learned that if you want vegetarian and/or kosher options, you’ll have to ring up Omaha Steaks yourself. You vegetarians can expect an uncooperative customer service rep subsequent to your, “I don’t eat meat,” revelation.