Everyone’s favorite blue-KPMG-hat-wearing, non-U.S.-Open-winning, left-handed duffer is turning the big 5-0 today. And the honorary Klynveldian was appreciative of the birthday wishes from the Mothership. Thank you @KPMG for the many years of support. I’m 50, time has flown by and I’ve loved every second of it! https://t.co/WMV8XYSRmO — Phil Mickelson (@PhilMickelson) June 16, 2020 […]
KPMG is standing by their golfing man. In the aftermath of the news that Phil Mickelson was named as a relief defendant in the SEC's civil lawsuit against famed gambler William "Billy" Walters and Dean Foods chairman Thomas Davis, all of Phil's corporate sponsors are hanging in there. Most notably for our purposes, KPMG issued […]
Literally. Sorta. Oh god, I don't know. We all have headaches. What I mean is, KPMG happens to be on the hat that is on top of Stacy Lewis’ head and Stacy Lewis is now the #1 female golfer in the world. That has to count for something, doesn’t it? "We are so happy to […]
This morning we shared Tony Nitti's story at Forbes about walking-KPMG billboard Phil Mickelson considering "drastic changes" because he is "in that zone that has been targeted both federally and by the state and, you know, it doesn’t work for me right now." "It" being a combined tax rate that's pushing 62 or 63 percent, […]
His Leftyness turns 41 today, as one of the favorites of the U.S. Open and of course he’ll be rocking the KPMG lid. As fans of the links know, Phil seems to come apart at the seams at the Open, not unlike certain KPMG audits. Will this year be different?
Who knows! What we do know that today is Fill’s day of birth and we send him best wishes and best of luck in the Open. Wouldn’t that be a great send off for Tim Flynn? Not that Mick needs the added pressure.
Anyway, as is (what we imagine to be) tradition for the major tournaments, T Fly and John Veihmeyer are holed up in the executive conference room watching the tournament as the rest of you are probably trying to make heads or tails of the Next Level training.
ANYWAY, leave Phil some well wishes in the comments. Don’t worry, we won’t make mention of this again, unless something hat-related occurs.
The cakehole fillers at McGladrey announced a contest last week where the winner will caddy for Davis Love III at the McGladrey Classic Pro-am. All you have to do is submit “a creative photo and short essay explaining why you should be Davis’ caddie.”
Of course you’ll have to know DL3 inside-out and upside down, just like the folks at Mickey G’s [Someone who] understands my needs, my game, and my love and passion for the game of golf.” Right. Needs like making sure that there is a fresh pair of pants available for photos should Dave win the tournament, keeping John Daly’s hillbilly ass out of earshot and verifying that the McGladrey people put “Davis Love III” on the checks.
As some of you know, the 2011 Masters kicks off today which means Phil Mickelson will attempt to defend his first KPMG major championship. PM is considered a slight favorite to win this year’s tournament (and to win a fourth sports jacket that closely resembles something that you could easily pick up at the Salvation Army).
Surprisingly that there hasn’t been an internal memo forwarded our way notifying everyone that certified Phil-KPMG caps could be worn for the next two days. Regardless, we’re sure that John Veihmeyer and Tim Flynn are holed up in the executive conference room at 345 Park, keeping tabs on Phil (he’s even after two) wearing their KPMG lids and passing chip n’ dips back and forth.
Hell, they did even go with another woman. They figured making Davis Love III the third dude golfer to be sponsored by McGladrey was the best route.
Although no terms were disclosed on DL-cubed’s deal, we’re guessing it’s a decent deal, not Phil Mickelson money mind you, but he won’t be starving either.
And DL3 is pretty flippin’ pleased to be the third amigos, “Following the great work McGladrey has done with the Davis Love Foundation, it was a natural progression for me to join Team McGladrey and proudly support their brand in the way they’ve supported my Foundation. It was great to kick off my new sponsorship with McGladrey in style with a good showing at the U.S. Open, and I look forward to continued success on and off the course as a member of Team McGladrey.”
Likewise, C.E Andrews is pumped to have a 3rd join the team “Davis and the rest of our Team McGladrey Foursome demonstrate the values of integrity, excellence, understanding and teamwork – values that mirror our company’s approach to serving and understanding our clients.”
[caption id="attachment_13910" align="alignright" width="260" caption="All alone in the boys club."][/caption]
Unfortch for all of us, D Love stayed on script and didn’t mention Natalie Gulbis specifically which just reeks of a “bros before hoes” mentality. If McGladrey wants to sponsor a boys club, that’s their business but you can’t tell us that adding another lady on the team wouldn’t have worked just as well, if not better. Oh well. We’re sure Natalie will enjoy watching the three dudes ice each other at the joint appearances.
Philip Alfred Mickelson was born 40 years ago on this blessed day (shares with 2Pac!) and we’re guessing it will be a busy one for the reigning owner of the World’s Ugliest sports jacket.
We imagine he kicked things off with 40 Krispy Kremes donuts for breakfast, followed by a little prep round for this week’s U.S. Open, Five Guys for lunch, maybe another practice round and wrap it up a nice dinner with the fam.
All the while, screening calls from Tim Flynn who desperately wants to wish Phil a happy 40th, good luck on his quest for the KPMG Grand Slam and to congratulate him for the umpteenth time on his third Masters Tournament victory.
It really is a big week for Phil/KPMG, as the U.S. Open has dogged PM for his entire career and a good performance this week (i.e. anything less than a win is unacceptable) could vault him over Tiger Woods who has other problems.
So send some Happy Birthday/good luck/Father’s Day/thanks-for-wearing-our-hat-for-$3-mil-a-year wishes to Phil below or just let him know what you think his chances are.
In the best example that we’ve seen of accounting firm make-up sex, today the RSM McGladrey and McGladrey & Pullen announced that they will now be branded under one name…McGladrey. Since the deciders on the name checked imagination at the door, the firms make it up to all of us with the best possible solution – building a giant putting green cake.
One of the duffers sponsored by McGladrey, Chris DiMarco, will attempt to chip in on the green later today and with any luck you’ll be able to watch it above as it happens.
As exciting as that is, it isn’t entirely clear whether or not this also serves as a tasty distraction from the layoffs and restructuring that is going on McGladrey. Kick that around if you like but also consider the fact that Natalie Gulbis doesn’t seem to be jumping out of this thing at any point in time, and that is a travesty that cannot go unnoticed.
UPDATE: We’ve been assured that the cake’s tastiness or lack thereof will be communicated to us later today. Whether or not there will be pre-cake jays, gallons of Vitamin D milk to wash it down or couches to pass out on has not been determined. Discuss and keep us updated. Spare no details – flavor, frosting, texture, etc.
UPDATE 2: Okay you guys – who witnessed this sorry-ass display? Natalie wouldn’t have disappointed the crowd like these losers. And then someone skulls one right into the camera? Video is completely gone right now. Unbelievable. Get back to us on this cake.
UPDATE 3: The report on the cake is in:
1) The cake is, actually, pretty big. And, it’s all cake, except for the part of the logo, which is made of rice krispie treats.
2) As for a slice of that cake…quite good, actually. The cake part is marble, and very soft and tasty. I nabbed what might be a corner piece with the “rough” frosting. It’s a lot of frosting. A lot.
I’d give the cake a solid A-. There will be a lot to save in the next few days!
Two minutes later we got his follow-up:
I had to stop eating it halfway through — I think I’d go into diabetic shock if I ate any more of it. The grade gets downgraded to a B+.
If you feel like nothing in life is ever certain, know this – John Daly will always be a weight fluctuating, chain-smoking, boozehound. And every once in awhile, he’ll have some serious money trouble or just go completely broke.
This is usually followed up with a major win which is then followed up by a total blow-up at the next tournament that may or may not involve Big John ending up passed out pantless on the 18th green in the middle of the night.
The guy has managed to make $9 million throughout his career yet still owes the IRS over a $1 million in back taxes for ’07 and ’08, according to a lien filed with filed by the Service with Shelby County.
His house in Memphis is apparently for sale, for just a smidge under $700k. So if you’re in the market, help the guy out.
Judging by the pics, you’ll have to schlep in your own kegerator and you’ll likely have to replace the carpet due to the ubiquitous cigarette burns but it still looks like a pretty nice pad.
IRS grips, rips golfer John Daly [Tax Watchdog]
Back in March we told you about non-Phil/Tiger golfer Søren Hansen, who was looking at jail time for dodging about 10 million kroner in taxes.
He managed to avoid the Danish joint but a judge did order him to pay 8 million in back taxes and an additional 8 million in fines. This works out to $2.6 million which is around what Tiger Woods spends on hookers in a weekend. So in other words – a chunk.
Hansen maintained throughout the ordeal that he was not a resident of Denmark because he changed his residence to Monaco in 1999 (it’s on his Wikipedia page for crissakes! What’s it going to take?!?) and thus not subject to the tax. The judge didn’t buy it because “he used his summerhouse in Hornbæk for residential purposes, as well as stayed over in his girlfriend’s Copenhagen apartment regularly.”
Obviously Hansen could have moved his g/f to Monaco to avoid all the trips back but that would have put a serious damper on the Monaco tail situation.
Golfer hit for 16 million kroner [Copenhagen Post]
[caption id="attachment_10491" align="alignright" width="260" caption="Is that Five Guys?"][/caption]
We realize that the above statement will likely result in an army of KPMG lawyers threatening this here site with libel and possibly putting every single person associated with GC in mortal danger but the question needed to be asked.
At the Players Championship, the freshly jacketed Phil said the following, “I grew up on In-N-Out. I thought that was the best burger until I had Five Guys. That is hands down the best burger I’ve ever had.”
At first this may seem like an over-eager chubby man enjoying a newfound joy in life. The guy is happily married, so he’s not going to make like Tiger and bang all the Laker Girls or anything. Anyhoo, it turns out that Phil failed to mention that he hearts Five Guys so much (apparently he went there SIX DAYS IN A ROW last week) that he dropped some coin into the franchise.
Fellow duffer Stewart Cink caught wind of Mick’s little endorsement of FG and took it upon himself to let the cat out of the bag:
We don’t watch
a lot of golf but we do know that Phil pulls some decent scratch putting those four squares on his head. And we’ve never heard him say a single word about the kick ass professional services put forth by all you Klynveldians out there.
Of course this doesn’t really mean anything, Phil could have a special place in his heart saved just for KPMG but he’s just not able to verbalize it. That’s probably what it is.
Since golf is a sport (?) that some of you engage in, you’ll be interested to know that Søren Hansen, the Danish linkster, may be going to jail for tax fraud.
He’s not banging everything that moves or shilling for an accounting firm, he just hates taxes. Just like you!
Hansen owes the Danes 9.6 million kroner which is about $1.75 million. That puts him a shade below Nas tax trouble.
Denmark is claiming that Hansen is a resident but he says that he kicks it in Monaco 24/7. Apparently he summers up in the motherland so this thing is a toss-up at best. If he’s found guilty of failing to pay the taxes he could wind up paying a fine of 10 million kroner and “an unspecified prison term”.
We don’t have any idea what a Danish prison would be like although we’re sure it’s rotten.
Fraud police ready to jail golfer [Copenhagen Post]