When accounting goes unaccounted for
“Before the fraud broke, people would ask me what I did before I retired and I’d say I was founder and former CFO of HealthSouth. But today when people ask me what I did before I retired I kind of look away and say I was an accountant and hope they don’t ask me any other questions.”
~ Aaron Beam, former CFO of HealthSouth and current lawn-care business owner, at the University of Texas-Dallas Fraud Summit, earlier this month.
Editor’s Note: A controller friend of GC — who is clearly in the Holiday spirit — presents their top methods of annoying the hell out of their co-workers. We have kept their identity secret* for their own protection. No one likes tragedy around the holidays.
Top ten ways a Controller can piss off co-workers:
1. Start charging for stamps.
2. Stop reimbursing your #1 sales guy’s T&E and when he calls to ask you where his check is tell him to “get fucked” and hang up.
3. Get up during a company meeting and announce that the new per diem has been reduced to $20 a day and that all employees must stay at La Quinta when traveling for business.
4. March into the CFO’s office and tell him your quitting and the books are fucked. Give him/her about 30 minutes to digest and then send them an email to say “just joshin’ ya, boss”.
5. Siphon off ALL the company’s money to an offshore bank account then parachute out the window into your Ferrari waiting below.
6. Write an all company email on December 25th announcing massive layoffs and your recent promotion to CFO.
7. Cancel the holiday party for “budgeting purposes”.
8. Announce that you need to sublease most of the company’s office space and that all employees will be doubling up in offices.
9. Let your corporate checking account go into the negative so that all your year-end bonus checks bounce.
10. Tell your staff that in order to close the books in three days you’re doubling the staff but and they’re going to have to work in shifts.
By,
Anonymous Controller
*For a price, certain information (read: name, address, usual routine) could be provided.
Yep! And he allegedly stole about $380,000 from the band. King County prosecutors say that […]
It’s been a while since we shared some cost saving ingenuity from Florida’s CFO–cum-Gubernatorial candidate, Alex Sink. However, this time we learn how she managed to spend some of those savings.
According to the Politics blog of the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, CFO Sink’s Department of Financial Services has “purchased 182 assault rifles – costing $255,000, according to Sink’s office – in the last two years.” When you Google “assault rifle” one of the first links takes you to this.
A spokesman for the wannabe Guv made it plain for those GOP haters (who are all of a sudden against guns?) trying to block Sink from purchasing more BFGs:
The rifles are necessary to protect fraud investigators who deal with “dangerous people,” said spokesman Kevin Cate – arsonists, sophisticated car insurance fraudsters, money launderers. If Republican legislators are taking a shot at Sink with the assault-weapon purchasing ban, “that’s a shot at officer security,” Cate said.
Sink said: “I rely on my law enforcement people to evaluate what the risks are and what they need. I’m going to do everything possible to protect them.”
Look. We’ve got no doubt that some white-collar criminals are dangerous but this seems a tad ridiculous.
On the other hand, since it is South Florida and basically anything can happen (including 10 – 26% returns on arbitraging groceries) perhaps this type of firepower is necessary.