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Let’s Brainstorm Shopping Ideas For Underwear Strong Enough to Accommodate This PwC CEO’s Massive Balls

Two basketball balls hanging in mesh sack

It’s been a little over a year since Australian Financial Review uncovered a scandal when it peered underneath the rug PwC Australia was trying to hide its dirty business under, a scandal that saw a trusted partner using his position on a government tax panel to monetize confidential information that clients could use to get ahead of an upcoming change in tax law.

Since then, partners have been ousted, a tainted practice sold off, clients lost, trust shattered, leadership not only at PwC but all Big 4 firms relentlessly grilled by lawmakers, and worst of all the prestige-iest Big 4 firm in the world has lowered itself to groveling for a crumb of forgiveness. Like this:

The face of a man nearing retirement who can’t believe he’s got to deal with this shit

Now the sad-faced CEO in that apology video is saying it’s time for everyone to move on. I mean, what do you all want? They released an independent report! Let it go already.

AFR:

PwC chief executive Kevin Burrowes says it is time to draw a line under the damaging tax leaks scandal that has plagued the big-four firm, while conceding the task of restoring its tattered reputation will take years.

After a horror period in which PwC was blackballed from lucrative federal government contracts, forced to hive off its 100-partner public sector consulting business for $1 and lost another 200-odd partners, Mr Burrowes said he was confident “enough progress” had been made to begin rebuilding.

“We feel we’re in a good position now to start to turn to a new chapter, look to the future and drive the firm with a new strategy,” he said.

That new strategy includes four items, only one of which is related directly to the post-scandal rebuilding while the other three essentially translate to “making us money”:

  • Reaffirms the firm is delivering on its Commitments to Change;
  • Repositions the firm to support clients in an era of disruption and economic uncertainty;
  • Highlights multi-disciplinary support for clients across core market-leading capabilities such as; audit, tax and deals, risk and transformation, cloud and digital; and
  • Prioritizes four new key market areas; artificial intelligence, trust in what matters, climate and business model reinvention.

“Never in my 30 years working in this firm have I seen the level of corporate disruption that is happening at the moment,” Burrowes said to AFR. “We have to look at that level of corporate disruption and make sure the firm is able and capable to serve those clients in the way they want to be served. And that’s why it’s the right time to launch a strategy.” See, moving on isn’t for the firm, it’s for the clients. Why won’t these rabid senators and media jerk-offs think of the clients! Do I need an /s here? Hope not.

We’re curious how Kevin’s counterparts at Deloitte, EY, and KPMG feel about his desire to put this all in the past. They too have lost business as a result of PwC’s actions and have gotten pummeled in Parliament…

…and investigated by a media that was wholly disinterested in what happens behind the curtain up until this salacious story made its way to the public eye.

Kev admits there’s work left to do but that could take years. It’s not easy to upend a culture that breeds the sort of egregious behavior that led to this happening in the first place. “It was never going to be something that was done in six months,” he told AFR. “It’s probably going to take us a couple of years, if not longer, to get all of the actions embedded.”

And who will service clients in the meantime?? Grant Thornton?! Please.

Burrowes wants everyone to move on from PwC’s tax scandal [Financial Review]

2 thoughts on “Let’s Brainstorm Shopping Ideas For Underwear Strong Enough to Accommodate This PwC CEO’s Massive Balls

  1. “We take full accountability for our shortcomings and the culture of our firm that allowed THEM to go unchecked over time.”
    Hmmm…where do I even start..?
    Ok then…from the beginning…
    ‘We take full accountability’ is not synonymous with even a modicum of what is called commonly called Responsibility.
    Additionally, it is equally clear that ole Kev is emphatically (as CEO) not to be included in the ‘them’ to which he refers.
    Between the lines its clear that to him all this…would be a great gig if it where not for those pesky people charged with regulating this plum position with regard to other peoples money and the safety and reliability of the financial institutions as well as the entire worldwide monetary systems.
    Sheesh.

  2. Would be keen to see a complete list of all the terrible things Big Consultancy has accomplished against society. Treason. Getting children hooked on opiods. Tax evasion. Enhancing inequality. Supporting poor practices for the environment. Fraud. Promoting alcohol abuse internally… (It’s fine if Power mapping their way through it all while telling everyone everyone to trust them. Guuyyyzzz, it’s not about us making huge money for poor services and criminal activity!!! We are the good stewards of a healthy society & planet! Big Ballsy Kevy would have such a pinnacle weekend if you simply nod in agreement and moved on with your life.

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