September 24, 2022

KPMG Wants to Be Sure Its People Know They Are Appreciated

While we here at GC are taking the day easy (sorry to all of you who are working your fingers to the bone, truly), KPMG is busy showing its people thanks according to this report from SoCal:

KPMG may be well behind the salary curve in the Pacific Southwest (see here) but where else are you going to get a goody bag full of incredibly useful items as a thank you for working like a dog during busy season? Ok, maybe the answer is everywhere, I don't know, but here's the consolation prize KPMG is giving its Pacific Southwest auditors.  Highlights include a handy case of office supplies (also available for free in the office and at most client offices, but hey, this comes with a tiny stapler), a highlighter with post-it flags built in (perfect for all the 10-K tieouts we'll be doing this month), first aid kit (upon further inspection this contains about five band-aids and some alcohol wipes), a KPMG towel (I'm very excited to clean my apartment with this once I have enough free time to actually clean my apartment), and it's all wrapped up in a KPMG bag (which may actually be the most useful item of all now that it costs 10 cents to get a paper bag in LA).
I don't know about everyone else, but if I don't leave the firm this year, this will definitely be the reason.  Who cares that I could buy all of this and more with the money I would make practically anywhere else.
OK, so first: those stupid post-it highlighters are the greatest thing since hand sanitizer pens. Remember the bar is super low when it comes to firm-branded tchotchkes, so we're not saying highlighters are better than, say, a 6 pack of Dominion Double D and sloppy drunk sex with the one you love but in the context of this conversation, let's show a little gratitude to the almighty post-it note ALRIGHT?
Second, why do firms do this? Who the hell wants a reminder of the hell that is their miserable life with a bunch of crap that has your firm's logo on it? OOH a KPMG golf ball, that's going to be really useful in busy season when you haven't seen daylight in weeks.
Seeing this just makes me feel bad.
Sorry for your luck, kiddo, but if you aren't going to use that towel, can I have it? I've been doing a lot of driving lately and my rims are looking a tad filthy.

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