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In Case You Thought Things Were Getting Too Serious…

Posted on by Daniel Braddock

Here are some accounting jokes for you. Why? Because this is a blog, dammit; we need to lighten things up around here.

Human Resources:
10 explanations that employees might say when they’re caught sleeping at their desks.
1. “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
2. “This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.”
3. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper. You probably got here just in time.”
4. “This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work.”
5. “It’s okay … I’m still billing the client.”
6. “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement.”
7. “I was doing a yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress.”
8. “Rats! Why did you interrupt me? I almost had figured out a solution to our biggest company problem.”
9. “The coffee machine’s broken.”
10. “Amen.”


On Taxes:
“And there are a lot of new taxes coming. California state legislators want to solve our state’s giant deficit by taxing marijuana. Meanwhile, Oregon wants to increase a tax on beer, while New York wants to tax Internet porn. You know what this means? By the end of spring break, this whole thing could be paid for.” –Jay Leno

“Regis Philbin’s back in primetime, hosting 11 new episodes of ‘Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.’ But because of Obama’s tax plan, it’s been re-titled ‘Who Wants To Win Just Under $250,000.'” –Jimmy Fallon

What’s the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Your lawyer friends might tell this joke:
What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he is boring.

May I suggest this be your rebuttal:
What’s the difference between an accountant and lawyer? The accountant is never unemployed.

Partners, feel free to use this one at the next compensation meeting:
When do accountants laugh out loud? When somebody asks for a raise.

Accounting and Relationships
If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep, what does she say? “Darling, could you tell me about your work.”
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: “Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.”

Related Posts

Eight Things Accountants Can Do This 4th of July Weekend

Study for the CPA exam: July is a testing month, so study up on whatever exam is hanging over your head. Your firm is giving you time off – stay sober for six of those hours and cram some knowledge.

Spend The Man’s money: Are you done with the CPA exam and now have an incentive check for doing so burning a hole in your madras shorts? Cash it in, treat yourself to something nice, and begin the b*tching about fulfilling upcoming CPE requirements.

Eat some meat: If you’re a lucky KPMG Kamper that already received your Omaha Steaks package, light up the grill and cook up a feast. (I hear outdated Becker CPA review books make excellent fire starters.)


Jump Start things early: E&Y, PwC, and Deloitte are all closed tomorrow and Monday (at least that’s the case in New York City), leaving Uncle Peat as the lone office stuck with just a three day weekend. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that…sucks? Skip out early, Kampers.

Click on the ads all over Going Concern. Come on, Caleb deserves your ad revenue.

Network you patriotic pants off: Holiday barbeques bring together both friends and strangers. Also be open to the possibility of talking shop with the acquaintances you meet; you never know when a job or new client opportunity will present itself.

Work on your resumé: Your resumé should always be updated; simple as that.

Spend time with family and friends: No, really. You public accountants work too hard and spend too much time together (yes, I’m referring to the romantic couplings occurring at Thursday night happy hours). Branch out and reconnect with your friends – you know – “those people” with 40 hour work weeks. They miss you. Plus, the tan-less look you’ve been rocking since busy season is so February’s look.

Share your plans or off-the-cubicle-wall ideas below. See you all on Tuesday. Cheers!

Managing Diversity for the Accounting Firm of the Future

E&Y tweeted an interesting release this morning regarding their outlook on cultural diversity and how it relates to future success, both at their firm and in tomorrow’s global economy. I encourage you to read the full text (linked above), but here is an exercept I want to focus on:

“Our recent study “Redrawing the map: globalization and the changing world of business” reveals that the boards of many global companies lack the diversity to deal with intercultural challenges. At the same time, they cite the need for internationally experienced staff as the most important cultural factor in conducting business globally.”


Every firm is well aware of the importance for cross-cultural efficiencies as an accelerator to getting business done in the global markets. I agree with the article’s point that, “If an organization does not leverage the potent weapon of diversity, it risks limiting its creative potential and ultimately losing its competitive edge.” This is absolutely true. But how does a firm balance the “need” for cultural diversity with the reality that the leadership of many clients oftentimes resembles more of an Old White Man’s Club than that of an idealistic HR workplace? From schoolyard to the boardroom, we as people are naturally drawn to the bubble of comfort created by surrounding ourselves with those who are similar to us; commonalty breeds security. Think back to your last happy hour or the lunch table in 4th grade – what has changed?

On a personal level, E&Y isn’t failing at its internal diversity efforts; per Caleb’s post last week, they are second among the Big4 in terms of overall diversity hires (29%) and their male/female ratio is an even-steven 50%. These numbers are most likely bolstered by increased retention over the last 18 months as well as a focus on diverse hiring from the campus pipelines.

That’s not to say that the ongoing effort to strike a better diversity balance is unrealistic or futile. The next generation of partners (i.e. you new associates sweating through your first 80 hour workweek) are better prepared for the global workforce than the average 20 year veteran partner. The influx of group work, community service, and international students enrolled in American higher education institutions remains at the origin of preparedness. Couple these attributes with the fact that these colleges and universities see the statistical advantage to stirring the Diversity Melting Pot, today’s students are prepared more than ever for the corporate boardroom. If only you could send your partners back to experience the same thing.

The challenge for any firm lies in managing the differences created across cultures and generations. The basis of this responsibility lies within personal relationships formed between colleagues; something that no report or Fortune statistic can analyze.

You can follow Daniel Braddock, your friendly Human Resources professional, on Twitter @DWBraddock.

Another Survey, Another Reason Parents Will Pressure Their Kids into Accounting

Welcome back, people. Stuffed with watermelon mint juleps, fireworks and Klynveldian meats, most of you probably returned to full stomachs and fuller inboxes. That said, I hope your day is as painstakingly slow as mine (HR is a beautiful thing).

My morning news feed (i.e. Caleb’s morning news round-up) contained a story that is all too familiar – graduating college with an accounting degree is a safe bet. Of course. This report could have been 10 days or 10 years old; the song and dance would be the same. Consistently one of the best (meaning safest) bets for an undergraduate degree, the report from National Association of Colleges and Employers that, “jobs in accounting paid an entry-level salary of $50,402.” (It should be noted that – rumor has it – NACE pays a circus monkey to regurgitate these statistics EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR.)

Not too shabby, 50 grand a year after college. This number obviously comes with a salt shaker, as those entering into a career in public need to factor in their location and the fact that the number is pulled upwards – at least to a degree – by private salaries. My beef is not with these numbers but with the parents, high school guidance counselors and university staff that use these numbers as a means to push their products on to naïve students. Alas, my list of Flakey Reasons You Should Be an Accounting Major:


“My (insert random acquaintance reference here) is an accountant, and he/she does just fine.” That’s wonderful for your barber’s cousin’s friend, but really the success of one accountant means nothing. Doctors are successful, as is the 15 year old kid bagging my groceries. This “Mr. Smith is successful” argument is generally used as a conservative reference to a job that is less popular. Quality of life is a relative term; so who’s happier, the produce bagger or the family tax accountant?

“You need to graduate with a degree that will earn you a job.” I understand this argument; however isn’t the point of college to study a subject which you actually like? Don’t get me wrong, I am all for being realistic about this, but the long-term consequences of studying a particular subject and focusing on an industry cannot be overlooked. This leads me to…

“You can work in any industry with an accounting degree.” I like Skittles. I am downright passionate about Skittles. Skittles are my life*. Is an accounting degree the only way to work for their producer, Mars Inc? Umm. No.

“You need a job to pay back your student loans.” No argument here, except for the one about overall crisis in higher education (you know, no big deal really). A recent CardRatings.com poll showed 36 percent of college graduates are carrying student loan debt on a credit card. Sleep soundly knowing the remaining 64 percent of the group is simply burdened by lower interest rates.

But I digress. The loans should be considered a necessary means to an end (i.e. – finding a job and career of interest). If you’re majoring in a subject so you can pay down the debt…that you took on…to earn…said degree…you’re vastly missing the point of going to college.

*Don’t judge.