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December 3, 2022

Here’s a Good Reminder of Why Accountants Should Never Help Other People

Dateline – Seattle, Washington. An accountant makes a new female friend. Seems normal enough. Fast-forward a few days and the woman texts the accountant to tell him "she had been beaten up by her husband and wanted to stop by." [cue music

The woman came by the accountant’s place, bringing two female friends he didn’t know with her, around 5 p.m. May 26.

At this point, our nameless accountant may have thought that this situation was going to take a very, very strange (but perhaps very interesting) turn. The kind of plot twist that you only find in the finest of Jenna Jameson films. There's a sexy damsel in an unfortunate situation who calls on a new man friend for help. For unknown reasons, she brough her two friends to accompany her. I think you know where I'm going with this. Coulda really been something! But unfortunately for hero, it did not go this way AT ALL.

First:

The three women left after the accountant gave them bus passes.

Dammit! And then:

At 10 p.m. that night, the accountant was in his room with the window open when he noticed one of the woman’s friends standing with a man on a bike in the alley outside the window, according to the police report for the incident. 
At this point in the story, for some reason, I envision this woman and "man on a bike" to be something similar to two random, creepy characters that appear out of thin air in a David Lynch film. 
 
Just picture this: It is night. It is extremely quiet. An accountant sits in his house reading only to look up, turn slowly towards the window and – GAH! – sees a young woman and a strange dude on mountain bike (probably looking like a Mormon missionary) staring at him through the window. GAH! Somehow the accountant manages to keep from soiling himself and, of course, it gets weirder from there:
The woman said she wanted to talk to the accountant, so he opened the door and took her to his room. As soon as they got inside, she took a gun out of her purse, pointed it at the accountant and demanded his money, according to the report.
Again, the poor guy must have thought that this was weird, but certainly not going to turn into a hold up. Luckily, our nameless accountant managed to escape and call police. They picked up the woman a short time later "riding down the alley on a bicycle" and she denied knowing anything about the situation. And just to add a dash more to the creep-factor, the "man on a bike" has not been found. 
 
It's bad enough that you have to be prepared for zombie attacks. Now you can't even try to follow through on some improbable hero fantasy that results in an orgy. Just give up now.
 

 

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