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November 30, 2022

CPA Exam Scores, Explained and Ranked

Today is the first CPA exam score release date for the Q3 testing window, meaning that answered prayers and shattered dreams abound. 

In times like these, it's important to reflect on your score with a bit of context. Sure, you may have passed or failed but what does your score mean? Did you overdo it? Maybe you phoned it in? Are you an embarrassment to the accounting profession, ergo, you should run away and join the circus?

What follows are a few thoughts for you to consider after receiving your CPA exam score. You're free to disagree of course, but it should be noted that you will be wrong.

1. 75: Congratulations, you scored perfectly. To prepare the exact amount necessary and achieve the desired result demonstrates effectiveness, efficiency and mediocrity. You'll thrive in the profession.

2. (tie) 76-79: Admirable job. However, you could've gone on that date with your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend and maybe enjoyed a nice sexual experience afterwards. Instead you studied. NBD. Assuming you didn't ruin the relationship, you can have make-up sex tonight to celebrate. 

3. (tie) 80-100: Show-offs.

4. (tie) 0-69: See comment about circus above.

5. (tie) 70-73: Look, life is full of crushing disappointments. Receiving socks as a Christmas gift; an overdone steak; your favorite football team; Season 2 of True Detective. This is just another one. Move past it; you'll get 'em next time. 

6. Stubbing your toe: The other morning, I walked around the island in my kitchen and stubbed my right pinky toe on one of the stools. I tripped forward, yelping in pain only to stub my left big toe on the chair to my desk that sits in the corner of the kitchen. I cursed loud enough to wake the neighbors. My left big toe bled for 10 minutes.

7. 74: Sorry. Go have a good cry.

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