Thanks to a tipster for sending along the following note which curiously appeared in one EY office AFTER the Above The Law bathroom etiquette email was posted but BEFORE GC managed to get on that. Although it's too close to the original to call it a parody, it's nice to know someone over there has a sense of humor.
You should be efficient when using a public restroom or public stall, as there may be others waiting who desperately need to use it. This is more an issue when using a single stall restroom, so if you need extra time is to fix your makeup or admire the reflection in the mirror, make sure that there isn't a line forming outside the door. Yield the right of way to children, the incontinent and our more senior partners.
Treat the public restroom even better than the one at your home. At home, wallowing in filth is very much a personal choice and need not affect your coworkers. It may be your practice to save water and not flush every time. In a public restroom, flushing every time is considerate. If you make a mess, use every effort to clean it up. The restroom should be left in as good as or better condition after your use than it was before you entered. Always wash your hands with soap after conducting your business. If you have trouble remembering, pretend you are a chef in a fine dining establishment.
Avoid socializing in public restrooms. Speak only when spoken to, talking to a person who is doing personal business may make them very uncomfortable, especially if they are a stranger. In particular, remarks, even if complementary, about body parts can be misinterpreted.
At the Office
Use extra care in an office washroom. Your professional reputation is linked to your washroom etiquette, so just assume that everyone in the office will hear about your code of restroom conduct. Imagine leaving urine on the toilet seat or toilet paper everywhere and opening the stall only to find your boss waiting to use it. Also, keep business out of the restroom, even if a colleague wishes to talk business suggest that the conversation be moved elsewhere. No-one wants to talk about the “unhh, grunt, grunt..” unpaid invoice from inside a stall.
In urinals, once you’ve located everything and fixed your aim, keep your eyes up and ahead and avoid looking around as a mistaken glance in the wrong direction may be embarrassing and might even result in a confrontation. Practice if necessary to minimize time rummaging in your pants, as this can also give the wrong impression. Also, keep as much distance between yourself and others in public restrooms. Always choose the urinal farthest away from other people if possible; this goes for stalls too. Avoid touching the fellow beside you, even with your shoulders. And, one man per urinal at a time, even if informed there is always room for one more.
Keeping some air freshener or deodorizer handy when using a public restroom can be handy not only for the odors you may create but also for those left behind by others. Leaving a pleasant smell in the restroom can help avoid embarrassment and create a better restroom environment for others. As walking towards the restroom carrying a large can of air freshener may set off alarm in passersby, try to store it in the washroom.
Restroom noises are sometimes hard to avoid and can be embarrassing. Turning on the tap or fan or running the automated hand drier can help mask them. Alternatively, you could strike up a tune.
I swear I've heard "Practice if necessary to minimize time rummaging in your pants, as this can also give the wrong impression" used in those informational videos firms make on how to succeed in public accounting.