As we’ve discussed, some farewell emails can be morbidly melodramatic while others are a bitter “good riddance” that makes you pity the poor bastards that will hear your former colleague’s cynical musings.
The latest Big 4 sendoff comes courtesy of PwC and we only share it with you because, well, we don’t know what to make of our hero’s crime fighting dreams.
It is with a great mixture of emotions that I leave the firm today. As many of you know, I never imagined myself as a mild-mannered accountant. I always thought that there was a greater destiny out there for me, a tale of wonder and adventure, a story most epic. And so, after careful consideration and consultation with my closest companions, I’ve decided to leave PwC in order to become a costumed vigilante of the night.
It wasn’t an easy decision; declaring war on crime never is. There will be some hard nights ahead of me as I craft the tools necessary to take back this city. Intense martial arts training and an iron-clad will might not be enough, but it’s all we got. Where evil lurks in the hearts of men, where innocents are lost and forgotten, where citizens call out for a savior, I will be there. Rest easy, Baltimore, your avenging knight has arrived.
I am vengeance. I am the night. I. AM. BATMAN.
P.S. Could everyone do me a solid and keep my new secret identity to themselves? It’ll make avenging the weak a lot easier if super-villains aren’t bugging me at my new job all the time. Thanks.
Okaaay, so lots to discuss here. For starters, the lack of originality is dreadful. Batman is TAKEN you DOLT. Secondly, Batman is a scientist; you’ve got an accounting degree. Unless you’ve been whipping out a engineering/chemistry/physics set in your cubicle testing gadgets, we’re pretty sure a cap gun will be more effective than anything you’ll be strapped with. Thirdly, this is BALTIMORE we’re talking about. We’ve only spent a little bit of time there but if The Wire is as realistic as its creators say it is, this dude will last all of two seconds. Now, it’s possible that this could be a comic nerd trying to give his friends a laugh on his way out the door but what if we are dealing with another Phoenix Jones?
So if our hero is serious, we’re guessing you can count on a future report from the local Baltimore news detailing the injuries suffered by the masked avenger/former accountant.