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Will a Former PwC Employee’s Superhero Aspirations Lead to Trouble?

Posted on by Caleb Newquist

As we’ve discussed, some farewell emails can be morbidly melodramatic while others are a bitter “good riddance” that makes you pity the poor bastards that will hear your former colleague’s cynical musings.

The latest Big 4 sendoff comes courtesy of PwC and we only share it with you because, well, we don’t know what to make of our hero’s crime fighting dreams.

Friends,

It is with a great mixture of emotions that I leave the firm today. As many of you know, I never imagined myself as a mild-mannered accountant. I always thought that there was a greater destiny out there for me, a tale of wonder and adventure, a story most epic. And so, after careful consideration and consultation with my closest companions, I’ve decided to leave PwC in order to become a costumed vigilante of the night.

It wasn’t an easy decision; declaring war on crime never is. There will be some hard nights ahead of me as I craft the tools necessary to take back this city. Intense martial arts training and an iron-clad will might not be enough, but it’s all we got. Where evil lurks in the hearts of men, where innocents are lost and forgotten, where citizens call out for a savior, I will be there. Rest easy, Baltimore, your avenging knight has arrived.

I am vengeance. I am the night. I. AM. BATMAN.

[Bruce Wayne]
[brucewayne]@gmail.com

P.S. Could everyone do me a solid and keep my new secret identity to themselves? It’ll make avenging the weak a lot easier if super-villains aren’t bugging me at my new job all the time. Thanks.

Okaaay, so lots to discuss here. For starters, the lack of originality is dreadful. Batman is TAKEN you DOLT. Secondly, Batman is a scientist; you’ve got an accounting degree. Unless you’ve been whipping out a engineering/chemistry/physics set in your cubicle testing gadgets, we’re pretty sure a cap gun will be more effective than anything you’ll be strapped with. Thirdly, this is BALTIMORE we’re talking about. We’ve only spent a little bit of time there but if The Wire is as realistic as its creators say it is, this dude will last all of two seconds. Now, it’s possible that this could be a comic nerd trying to give his friends a laugh on his way out the door but what if we are dealing with another Phoenix Jones?

So if our hero is serious, we’re guessing you can count on a future report from the local Baltimore news detailing the injuries suffered by the masked avenger/former accountant.

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PwC India Consultant Did Not Technically Die From Work-Related Hazards

Over the weekend, we got news that a 34-year-old PwC India senior consultant was found dead at his Calcutta home. A maid noticed smoke and alerted the man’s parents, who lived downstairs. When the parents rushed into the room, they found their son’s bed partially in flames. Police and fire department officials initially suspected Sayan Chowdhury died of electrocution after discovering his charred body lying close to his charging laptop and iPod, headphones still in his ears. Police believe the man fell asleep with the laptop on.

“The preliminary post-mortem suggests he died of carbon monoxide inhalation, apparently while asleep,” joint commissioner of police Damayanti Sen said.

A friend told The Telegraph (India) that Chowdhury was “a very bright professional and had been rising fast in the organisation since switching from Cognizant Technology Solutions.” He leaves behind a six month old daughter and a wife, who also happens to work for PwC.

It is suspected at this time that Chowdhury died of carbon monoxide poisoning after the laptop charger short circuited in his tightly closed bedroom. The victim’s wife and newborn daughter were not in the home at the time, as they have been staying with his wife’s parents, who have been helping to care for the baby.

Experts suggest that it is possible the adapter attached to the power supply cord may have failed, leading to a 230-volt alternating current surge into the laptop, turning it into a death trap. Or, the battery may have got overcharged and exploded, spilling lethal chemicals on Chowdhury. Aside from the short circuit scenario, investigators have not ruled out the possibility that the fire and subsequent fatal CO inhalation was caused by a burning cigarette. “To identify the source of the CO, we have to wait for the forensic reports. The state forensic science laboratory officials collected samples of charred wire, the sample of half-burnt cigerettes,” an officer said.

What is the lesson here, kids? Well for one, don’t work too hard. Two, don’t leave your laptop on the charger. Three, don’t pass out with your laptop on the charger. Safety first!