Editor’s Note: A controller friend of GC — who is clearly in the Holiday spirit — presents their top methods of annoying the hell out of their co-workers. We have kept their identity secret* for their own protection. No one likes tragedy around the holidays.
Top ten ways a Controller can piss off co-workers:
1. Start charging for stamps.
2. Stop reimbursing your #1 sales guy’s T&E and when he calls to ask you where his check is tell him to “get fucked” and hang up.
3. Get up during a company meeting and announce that the new per diem has been reduced to $20 a day and that all employees must stay at La Quinta when traveling for business.
4. March into the CFO’s office and tell him your quitting and the books are fucked. Give him/her about 30 minutes to digest and then send them an email to say “just joshin’ ya, boss”.
5. Siphon off ALL the company’s money to an offshore bank account then parachute out the window into your Ferrari waiting below.
6. Write an all company email on December 25th announcing massive layoffs and your recent promotion to CFO.
7. Cancel the holiday party for “budgeting purposes”.
8. Announce that you need to sublease most of the company’s office space and that all employees will be doubling up in offices.
9. Let your corporate checking account go into the negative so that all your year-end bonus checks bounce.
10. Tell your staff that in order to close the books in three days you’re doubling the staff but and they’re going to have to work in shifts.
*For a price, certain information (read: name, address, usual routine) could be provided.