Klynveldians have been warned about certain software that should not, under any circumstances, be downloaded by any of you:
In the firm’s defense — and since they didn’t mention it — many of these programs are used by you to waste precious billable hours complaining to each other about a myriad of things including why the Phil Mickelson hats only come in black and white and where Tim Flynn and John Veihmeyer buy their suits (we hear Marshall’s but that could be total bupkis).
Furthermore, we’re not going to sit here and say that none of these programs present a legitimate risk. That would be foolhardy and insensitive.
What we do wonder about is what “disciplinary action” involves. Feel free to wildly speculate on this in the comments.
Tag: Waste Some Billable Hours
Caption Contest Reminder
Don’t forget to submit your captions for last Friday’s contest. We’ll take submissions through midnight tonight and run the poll tomorrow morning.
Employee Satisfaction Survey: GC Edition
In the spirit of what appears to be survey week, we’re honoring requests to do our own survey. Plus we’ve been inspired by some questions that we’ve seen in the comments.
We’ve presented a few questions for you to answer, after the jump. Feel free to add your more appropriate “D” answer to any of them. We also encourage you to keep submitting your questions with multiple choice responses.
Question 1 – I feel that I am recognized for my performance:
A. Too frequently by ass-grabs.
B. Not frequently enough by ass-grabs.
C. I prefer to not be recognized for my performance because I don’t like anyone talking to me and if I have one more conversation with one of these idiots I’m punching that idiot in the face.
Question 2 – Leadership’s communication:
A. Is jamming up my inbox to the point that I can’t locate my porn newsletters.
B. Is helpful when I’m having trouble vomiting.
C. Would be much more tolerable if it was a show tune sung by Hugh Jackman.
Question 3 – I feel that my compensation:
A. Is about as fair as getting kicked in the genitals on a daily basis.
B. Is appropriate if I had not finished high school.
C. Makes my friend, who delivers newspapers, laugh.
Ernst & Young Pranks Involve Heavy Lifting, Possibly Spending $200-$300
In these tough times, office pranks are the perfect remedy for all the bad attitudes out there. Except for you no-fun-under-any-circumstances types.
From an E&Y office in (we’re assuming) the Northeast:
our latest prank was to get the nascar fan in the office a thrill by putting a race car bed over his cube when he returned from his trip to dover for the weekend with some co-workers for the Dover 400 race.
Photos, after the jump
Wonder Bread getting a little exposure.
It’s one thing if one of perpetrators boosted this thing from their nephew. It’s a whole new level of prank-commitment if they put it on the expense report.
Firm Mascot Challenge: PwC
We’ll assume everybody is down with the KPMG Pomeranian and Uncle Dangle for Deloitte. If not, speak now or shut your pieholes.
There’s some resistance to the idea of famous Governor banger, Ashley Dupre, being worthy of the PwC Mascot.
Frankly, since P. Dubs has made some feel like prosties already and has also shown that, as firm, they don’t mind whoring themselves out for some scratch, the argument can easily be made that Ashley is the perfect mascot. On the other hand, the point has been made, and is duly noted, that high-priced call girls are much cooler than any accounting firm.
So you see the problem here but it’s not our decision. We’ll leave it up to you. State your submission for the PwC mascot and give a brief explanation for said suggestion in the comments.
Keep it clever people, mascots already assigned to any other team or organization will be ignored with extreme prejudice. On with it then.
GC October Survey
All right people, it’s gotten to the point where we need to know some things about you. TPTB kindly ask that you take a short, perfectly harmless survey.
Your participation is strongly encouraged because 1) you get to tell us how you really feel and B) we asked Chuck for a favor and he’s agreed to track down those of you that don’t play ball.
Personally, unless you’re Natalie Gulbis, we’re not interested but we don’t call the shots around here. Oh, and if you participate, you have a chance to win $100 AMEX gift certificate, which sure beats the hell out of a sharp stick in the eye.
We appreciate your participation.
Accounting Today’s List of Top 100 People Is Kinda Predictable
It’s nice that the folks over at AT put a list together so we’ve got something to talk about but it’s a fairly predictable list. The inclusions that we did like were Paul Caron over at TaxProf Blog and Bernie Madoff but otherwise it’s not too exciting.
There are a fair amount of politicians (including BO and T. Geith) and bureaucrats on the list which just indicates the slow, antagonizing descent financial accounting rules are making into direct government oversight. Barney Frank on the list is no surprise, we’re just thankful that Maxine Waters didn’t sneak on there because we would have stormed the AT offices with torches.
Pols aren’t nearly as surprising from a tax policy perspective but still, seeing Charlie Rangel on the list is dubious since he can’t even track how many rent-controlled apartments he has.
More, after the jump
The Big 4 are represented by:
• KPMG – Tim Flynn and John Veihmeyer
• PwC – Dennis Nally and Robert Moritz
• E&Y – Jim “I heart global accounting standards” Turley.
• Deloitte – Jim Quigley and Dr. Phil Salzberg
Eddie Nusbaum also made the list for GT but sadly, he doesn’t have a rose in his teeth. The token “large but not TOO large” picks are the McGladrey & Pullen Managing Partner and Clifton Gunderson CEO.
If you’ve got some time to waste today, go download the digital edition and approve of or call bullshit on whoever you see fit.
The Year Ahead Poll
Well done people. Your creativity is unmatched. Here’s the poll to appease your craving for democracy. Since we know this will be a tough choice, the poll closes at 11:59 pm on Monday, giving you the weekend to ponder your decision.
Vote, after the jump
Caption Contest Friday: I Think You’ve Got My Handcuffs
Not too much explanation needed. E&Y auditors at the Emmys. Leave your caption suggestions in the comments. We’ll run a poll next week with the best submissions.
The Year Ahead
We’re sure that some of you need some cheering up, so we’ll throw out a little participatory exercise.
The BBC ran a piece yesterday asking readers to predict their year ahead in three words. We’ve noticed that brevity isn’t a strong suit for some of you so this should be a nice challenge.
In the comments, describe your year ahead in three words. If we get enough good submissions we’ll run a poll tomorrow because we’re sure we won’t want to work that hard. Keep it relevant people. ‘Pwn more noobs’ and the like will be ignored with extreme prejudice.
Impress us.
The Accountants Plug at the Emmys Is Made Watchable By an E&Y Hottie and Dr. Horrible
When we heard that the accountants at E&Y with elephant-like memories were the butt of a joke on last night’s Emmys we weren’t really surprised. That being said, we weren’t really expecting a joke that would be that entertaining.
So, we were pleasantly surprised when 1) one of the E&Y reps, Mika Velga (sorry if we butchered the spelling), turns out to be a hottie and B) the sketch featured Dr. Horrible, courtesy of the comedic genius of NPH.
Video, after the jump
If you’re not familiar with Dr. Horrible, feel free to waste a few minutes of your morning getting caught up. Oh, and if you know Ms. Velga, tell her she has fans.