The Tea Partiers (not to be confused with tax protestors who are way more delusional) have made their names known all across this great land for hating on taxes. They’ve marched pretty much everywhere but do you know where they haven’t marched? On the Internet! That’s right, nothing like a virtual march with politicians up for reelection joining the cause (can’t be seen with those nutjobs in person).
The “march” will occur on, you guessed it, April 15th and it will occur “in” Washington DC.
Some of the other cartoon leaders that will be in “attendance” are
• Former House Majority Leader Dick Armey
• Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee
• Americans for Tax Reform president Grover Norquist
• Senator John McCain (R-AZ)
• Michael Reagan, son of former President Ronald Reagan
• The Tea Party Express – A red bus.
We have to admit that we’re impressed with this risky move by this group that we would otherwise shun a technological feat of this magnitude. Does anyone think that Dick Armey or John McCain even knows what an avatar is? What lucky member of their respective staffs got the responsibility of creating those?
This is especially fun for the tea p’s because since this particular march is virtual, it is likely that certain actions and/or methods that the tax haters could only dream of before, will now be allowed. These may include but not limited to:
• Leaving flaming bags of shit on White House’s front steps.
• Protestors showing “video” of President Obama walking around wearing a Sandwich Board saying “I love taxes.”
• Resurrecting the Founding Fathers (zombie TJ!) to get their testimonials about how the Obama Administration is ruining America.
• Portray Nancy Pelosi giving a speech on the Capitol steps in one of those olive-colored Castro outfits.
• Bring Ronald Reagan back to life, just because.
• Other portrayals of “taxation without representation” taken wildly out of context.
All we ask is that you keep it non-violent. Tea p’s that aren’t too good with them computers need not worry though, actual marches will be held around the country on April 15th where you’ll be allowed to shout, march and carry signs with plenty of misspelled words.
Of the adherents of strange and puzzling belief systems – 9/11 Truthers, Fed groupies, Cubs fans – few work so hard to screw themselves as tax protesters.
By their own account, t www.rothcpa.com/archives/000480.php”>spend “thousands of hours” reading their arcane tracts, expanding on theories of why the 16th Amendment is a figment of our imagination, or why a gold-fringed flag means you’re in an admiralty court, which somehow undoes the income tax.
Or why the federal tax law only covers the District of Columbia and federal forts, or why Section 861 says U.S. source income isn’t taxable. The result? They still owe the taxes, penalties, and maybe $25,000 idiot fees from the tax court – and that’s if things go well. If they go badly, they go very badly.
Every year the IRS updates its handy debunking of tax protester arguments. It does little good. You can spend hours trying to talk tax protesters out of their ideas, but they move effortlessly from one gold-fringed bad idea to another, and they can almost sound like they make sense, until you get outside and get some fresh air. But there is one common problem in all of these “Tax Honesty” arguments: they don’t work.
No matter how convinced you are that Irwin Schiff’s theories of the income tax are true, that there is no income tax, all of the federal judges think there is one. So does the IRS, the Federal Marshals Service, and pretty much everyone in the Bureau of Prisons. What they say trumps what Irwin says, which is why the poor man is likely to die in jail.
But what about the glorious courtroom triumphs of Lloyd Long, Vernice Kuglin and Tom Cryer? They were acquitted by juries! Yes, these guys beat criminal charges. Why the juries voted the way they did, we’ll never really know. Maybe they were nullifiers, striking a blow against the income tax. Maybe they decided that the defendants really believed their schtick, so they didn’t “willfully” fail to pay their taxes. But these acquittals debunk the income tax only if the O.J. acquittal debunks California’s murder statute. Even though these guys didn’t go to jail (unlike many, including their pied piper, Irwin Schiff), they still have to pay their taxes.
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking “Of course he says that. He does taxes for a living. He’s in on the conspiracy!” If so, come on. If this stuff actually worked, I wouldn’t grind my way through every tax season pretending there is an income tax. If it worked, I would just talk to a few of my wealthiest clients, work out a deal to take 5% of their income for the next 10 years in return for making their taxes go away, wave my wand, and spend March in Mesa.
But here I am, grinding out those returns. That no more makes me “pro-tax” than believing in germ theory makes a doctor “pro-bacteria.” Still, if you really want to ruin your financial life, you’re welcome to choose your poison. But first ask yourself: are all of these big companies and rich guys who pay taxes crazy or stupid? Or is it just you?