Please ensure Javascript is enabled for purposes of website accessibility
December 4, 2022

Poll Results

Poll: Americans Would Rather the Next President Get Some Jobs Up in This Piece Rather Than Stick the Rich with Higher Taxes

Surely most people wouldn't mind if the 1% were paying a little bit more in taxes but when compared to other issues, Gallup found that it's a pretty low priority: Creating good jobs, reducing corruption in the federal government, and reducing the federal budget deficit score highest when Americans rate 12 issues as priorities for […]

Bennie Bankes Poll Results

We have a landslide on our hands. Not only are most people we talk to disturbed by the suited swine, the winning caption was a clear choice.
Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for ben bankes at the NYC marathon.jpg

Big 4 partners adopt truth in advertising and are wearing pig costumes to all recruiting events.

With over 55% of the vote. Now, just for the sake of argument, anyone could wear the costumes to the recruiting events, people, not just partners. Embrace the truthiness.
Thanks for voting!

Salary Satisfaction Poll Results

An official tally was necessary since it’s pretty obvious that Americans are way more hung up on money than our British counterparts. Results after the jump.


So satisfied I need a cigarette – 8.7%
Even if it’s bad, it’s still pretty good – 36.4%
I can’t get no satisfaction – 54.9%
Frankly, we expected a larger margin of victory for “no satisfaction” what with the ubiquitous Siberia treatment and some of the staff making more than you. We admire your resolve.
As for the 9% of you that are getting hot thinking about your paycheck, we’re assuming you’re either in a constant state of bliss or delusional. Kindly elaborate.
Thanks to all that voted!

Caption Contest Results: KPMG Scary Stories

Not a surprising choice but we thought it would be a closer race. The winner, garnering 45.5% of the vote, after the jump.
Thumbnail image for RL-Stine-and-kids_350.jpg

KPMG hires replacements for staff who were laid off.

What’s not known is what kind of offers they are getting. It’s an absolute certainly that it includes the standard CYA language: “Due to the volatility of the current economic conditions, your starting salary may be adjusted to market at the time you begin employment.”
Thanks to everyone for voting and we’ll have the results from our salary satisfaction poll later today.

The Year Ahead Poll Results

The voting ended last night and we know your anticipation is reaching fever pitch so we’ve finally presented the results, after the jump.


1. White Collar Slavery: 47.3%
2. Happiness Rating: Zero: 26%
3. Swap Green Visors:13.7%
4. Big Four Union: 13%
Troubling news as you can see. Nearly 75% of you are expecting to be underpaid and miserable. We recommend that you start some sort of cash only business and get your asses into therapy.
The bottom 27% of you seem to be proactive at least but 13% of you may be viewed by some as socialists. However, that seems to be the hot thing these days so we say go for it.