September 24, 2022

Rick Santorum Actually Believes That People Care About His Tax Returns

Ha! President of frozen-over hell, Rick Santorum told everyone that he had to get back to Pennsylvania, apparently, to get his tax returns thrown together. 

Rick Santorum will follow Mitt Romney’s lead and unveil his tax returns, telling reporters Wednesday that he would head home over the weekend to gather and prepare his tax documents for release. “Frankly, I’ve got to get home because everybody’s asking for my tax returns,” Santorum said, speaking outside an event at the First Baptist Church that drew slightly more than 1,000  people – his largest turnout yet in Florida. “I’ve got to get these tax returns, so everybody gets what they’ve been asking for.” Asked what he expected his tax returns to  reveal, Santorum raised his hand to his mouth and let out a fake yawn.
Yes, Rick. That is correct. Not only will your tax returns be boring but they will serve no purpose in the discourse of your pursuit of our nation's highest office. You'll probably have an adjusted gross income of over $1 million. You might have a mortgage; you might not have a mortgage. You probably gave a lot of money to the Catholic Church and various other religious charities. The amount of income on your Schedule D is probably close to what Mitt Romney spends on hair product. Per day. No one cares. You're not going to be President. You don't have to go to this trouble. Seriously.
 

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