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PwC Employee Gives Himself Mixed Reviews on Making Legendary Carpenter Look Good During Tenure at the Firm

Posted on July 13, 2012 by Caleb Newquist

What makes for a good PwC employee? Excel skills? Critical thinking? The number of high-fives given to co-workers when they manage to not screw something up? Every one measures him or herself differently even though your superiors often measure you by indecipherable arbitrary platitudes.

But in a farewell email that several sources have sent to us, we learn that one soon-to-be ex-employee admits that he has fallen short of his own expectations: 

Hi Everybody, 
 
Today is my last day with the Firm. I just wanted to thank everyone for everything. I learned a lot about myself and I am grateful for the friends I made. 
 
I remembered when I was in an interview years ago for my internship, I told my interviewers what defined me first and foremost as a person is Jesus, my family then friends. Today, I would say that Jesus still defines who I am as a person because I believe He is good and He loves us so much that He died on the cross so that we can come back to Him (John 3:16). I know that I had many opportunities to make Jesus look good during my time in the Firm and many times, I failed to do so because I was timid and did not love people as I should. However, I believe everyday is a new day of grace and there is another opportunity to make Jesus look good. I’ll leave you with one of my favorite Bible quotes: Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 
 
My personal email is [redacted]. Feel free to contact me if you ever wanted to talk about Jesus. 
 
Thank You! 
This strikes me as a sincere email and I mean, seriously, who wouldn't want to be down with JC? You know how it is when the party is going strong and all of a sudden the food and booze is running low. With the SoG around, those problems can be fixed with some water, a few loaves of Wonder Bread, and a box of fish sticks. So anyone that could use a little more of that (or maybe some of that salvation stuff) should jump at this opportunity.
 
But as for this guy's performance (i.e. making Jesus look good), I think this guy is being a little too hard on himself. JC was betrayed, doubted, and denied by his closest friends. You're an auditor. He's already forgiven you just for that.
Posted in Big 4, PwCTagged Auditors, carpenters, Farewell emails, Jesus, Performance, PwC, What? No Ezekiel 25:17 in the farewell email?

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Not sure if this is the beginning of something great or not but with lyrics like, “Gonna sit and eat time ta-cos,” we’re hopeful for more and P. Dubs employees are lucky to have so much talent in their midst. And now that Steve’s American Idol run is over, he can record this for the HLSP Group’s future presentations.


Btw, this should be sung to the tune of Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok.”

The real lyrics:
Wake up in the morning feeling like Tim Ryan,
Read my FASs, I’m out the door, I’m gonna vouch this Citi.
Before I leave, grab my keys with my secure ID
‘Cause when I leave for the day, I ain’t coming back.

I’m talking 10-keys and our phones, phones
Freshly laundered clothes, clothes
Ready to confirm loan, loans
Fast-talking, requestin’ our PBCs,
Staff barely in their twenties,
Bookin’ forty – workin’ sixtyy+

Don’t stop, Aura locked
GADM please just hurry up,
Fortnight, it seems like
Since I’ve seen the sunlight,
Tick tock, on the clock,
But the audit don’t stop, no

(Repeat)

Ain’t got a friend in the world,
But the ones that are here.
Ain’t got no money in my pocket
Cuz I’m not non-exempt.
Now the work is piling up,
But now we know better,
And we’ll keep it till the end
Until we get that Rep Letter.

I’m talking about errbody workin’ through lunch, lunch.
Fluxes due to credit crunch, crunch.
Gonna sit and eat time ta-co’s

Now, now we work until they kick us out, out.
But my XP won’t shut down, down,
XP won’t shut down, down,
XP won’t shut down.

Don’t stop, Aura locked
GADM please just hurry up,
Fortnight, it seems like
Since I’ve seen the sunlight,
Tick tock, on the clock,
But the audit don’t stop, no

DJ, you build me up,
You break me down,
My heart, it pounds,
Yeah you’ve got me.
P-Dub’s Help Sucks
Book Vaycay now,
If you’ve got free time,
Yeah, book Vaycay.

Look my ARMS up,
Look your ARMS up,
Look your ARMS up.

(And the Senior says, “Nobody can leave ‘till I say so…”)

Don’t stop, Aura locked
GADM please just hurry up,
Fortnight, it seems like
Since I’ve seen the sunlight,
Tick tock, on the clock,
But the audit don’t stop, no

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