October 17, 2021

Petty Thieves Being Mistaken for Big 4 Auditors Now

If there's one thing clients can't stand, it's a pesky auditor. They're always asking stupid questions, rummaging through the supply closet, drinking all free beverages. God, they're the worst.
Be that as it may, auditors are people too and it's unfortunate that we would receive a tip like this one from a Big 4 auditor:
Thought this email might be good for a GC article. It's from a secretary at my client about an "Office Thief" and no one reporting the suspicious person because they thought he was an auditor… 
I don't know about you, but I can't imagine mistaking a petty thief for your run-of-the-mill auditor. In a reputable place of business, no less! However, that's exactly what happened in this case. Our tipster went on to explain:
After this email came out, I realized that I too saw the thief. He was shady and dressed in casual clothes, hoody over t-shirt, raggy jeans, etc. He was going into the "locker room" where there are showers, so I didn't think much of it as lots of people go in there to change. Not sure how anyone would think the thief was the auditor. However, this secretary really dislikes us and is always looking for something to point to as our fault, haha. 
I know auditors aren't paid so well relative to other white collar professionals, but they can afford a couple of business casual outfits from Nordstrom Rack, for crissakes.
And furthermore, auditors are guardians of our capital markets. Sure, collectively they might be performing their duties at a C-level (or worse if you're Grant Thornton) but, goddammit, they are not here to intentionally do you harm!
Let's get to the email. It's too disgusting for words:
From: [Secretary who doesn't like auditors]
Subject: Office Theft 
Yesterday, someone managed to get on our floor and steal a purse from one of our offices.  They took all of the cash and a check.   (The man tried to cash the check – fortunately the bank was suspicious and the individual left the bank abruptly). 
We have been in touch with security but the odds of finding the thief are slim.  This is an unfortunate reminder that despite our security, people can get into our office space.  Just as they say at the airport:  If you see something, say something!  If you don’t recognize an individual, ask them who they are and if you can help them. 
Apparently, there was someone on the floor yesterday but those who saw him, assumed he was an auditor. Don’t assume anyone who is not one of our employees has business in our space.  If you have any information that might be helpful in determining who and when the intruder was on our floor, please let [a security guy, presumably] know. 
And last, the obvious is to hide any valuables.  Keep wallets and purses out of sight.  And if you are in the habit of leaving a wallet in a coat pocket hanging by the door, you may want start putting that wallet in a desk drawer as well. 
[Secretary who doesn't like auditors]

I hope this sheds some light on the rabid anti-auditor sentiment that's going on. Don't stand for it. 

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