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September 28, 2023

KPMG Is Spreading the Love With This Kuddling Kampaign

Thank you to the understandably skeptical individual who provided the following via the tip box:

I received this informative health postcard in my work mailbox this morning.  No word yet on whether they will provide a cuddle partner for me.  HR must be looking for job security as I'm pretty sure cuddling in the audit room will result in more sexual harassment claims.

Specimen 1:

Well that is cute! Who doesn't want a cuddle? I could use one right now. Maybe not by a creepy dude in a linen outfit but everyone loves cuddles. Glad KPMG has a team dedicated to cutting through the complexity to bring us this life-changing information.

Moving on to Specimen 2:

Notice how they took the time to explain what cuddling actually is for anyone who may have been raised by wolves and might not understand the complexities of simple human affection:

Cuddling or hugging, a kind of physical relationship, involves holding or closing your arms around the back, waist or neck of another individual.

Is it really appropriate for KPMG to suggest every person in the world should be handing out free cuddles in the middle of busy season when stress is at a high and people who normally wouldn't choose to spend most waking hours with each other are forced into a kind of co-habitation that revolves around work? Oddly, I went to KPMG's Richmond office this afternoon and said I was there to hand out free cuddles only to be thrown off the property for being a weirdo.

We would advise all KPMG staff to approach this matter delicately and resist the urge to cuddle colleagues until further information is received from the firm. And definitely don't try going to their office to distribute cuddles, they don't like that.

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