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October 1, 2023

Just What We Need, Another Stupid Article About Millennials at Work

Kids these days!

If you haven't had your fill of broadly generalized, stupid Millennial articles, boy do I have a good one for you.

From The Buffalo News:

Millennials typically are restless workers, generally only content to stick with an employer for about two years before moving on, studies show.

One recent survey found that about a quarter of millennials (workers in their 20s to early 30s) think they should only be expected to stay in a job for a year or less.

Here's the formula for these articles:

  • Identify your Millennial group; 18-34, 20s, 15-35, 21-36, born after 1980, etc. You can pick any age group you want as long as they are "young" and desire "flexibility" and fuck around on their iPhone a lot
  • Choose from the following to make generalized statements about this group of people: flexibility, technology, meaning, work life balance, lazy, entitled, selfies.
  • Find a single person in this group of 80 million Americans to make whatever point you're trying to make. They're all on the Internet so feel free to embed stupid tweets if you can't find an actual Millennial to speak to
  • Make no less than 20 references to "how good Millennials are at technology" (don't worry about being vague here, no one cares that what you mean is "they knew how to set the correct time on the VCR when their parents didn't)
  • Give it a punchy title and admire your work as a true Millennial advocate!

In this particular piece, we meet 29-year-old Darah Kirstein who threw caution to her entitled Millennial wind by sticking with the same company — Bank of New York Mellon — for SEVEN YEARS. For those who aren't aware, that's 49 in Millennial Years.

Her advice for millennials itching to switch jobs is to fully explore opportunities with a current employer before jumping ship.

“If you are truly feeling you aren’t learning from a position or maybe getting bored in a position, communicate that,” she said.

All it may take is a new challenge to feel satisfied.

“Things are constantly changing for me. That was enough, so I didn’t need to hop around,” she said.

Are any of you bored in your positions? Show of hands. Alright, now I want you to write an email to your managing partner and tell them that. Mention how because you're under the age of 40, a "challenge" is really important to you. My guess is you'll be challenged to make a living after you get coached out of the firm.

It's great that Darah found a good fit for herself straight out of college but there's nothing wrong with needing a few different jobs to "find yourself" in your career either. Unlike articles about stereotypical Millennials, workers evolve. What worked for you fresh out of college may not work in two years, as anyone who has put in their two years at Big 4 and split for private as soon as possible will tell you.

Contrary to what these articles would like you to believe, disliking your work or trying out several jobs before you find a good fit is not a trait exclusive to Millennials. It's called being human. Indentured servitude ended long before the Millennials got here, stop acting like it's a reflection of their flighty, entitled nature to want to enjoy what they do for a living. Like Darah. Good for you, lady.


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