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Ernst & Young Tax Associate Forced to Deal with the Slobs Around Him

We all know that when you're in the throes of busy season, a key to an effective team is having people spend as much time at their desks as possible. When the pressure is on, even spending a few minutes to take in some natural light or fresh air could mean the difference between a successful project and a blown deadline. Thus, ordering meals in for lunch and dinner have become standard operation procedure for many teams.  

The process from there is quite simple. Go to food. Take food to desk. Shovel. Throw utensils away. However, if family-style or a buffet is a common on your team, there is the question of the clean-up. Ordinarily, this shouldn't be complicated. What are interns for anyway? If your team doesn't have an intern and the other members of your team are used to being picked up after by butlers, spouses, or parents, then you might have a situation.
From: [E&Y Head Janitor] 
To: [A whole mess of people]
Cc: [A few people who needed to be aware of the mess, apparently]
Subject: Clean Up Crews 
There have [sic] been some unpleasantness caused [by] the food, that we all consume, not being cleaned up.  To ensure the cleanliness of Tax Prep Area and to spread out the responsibilities I have created a list, which includes the names of EY (Mon.,Tues,Fri.,Sat.,Sun.), [client] (Thurs.) and KPMG (Wed.) employees.  Each day consists of teams, whose responsibility is to 
(1)  Empty the pans of food and any excess perishable food after everyone is done with lunch. 
(2)  Empty the pans of food and any excess perishable food in the evening before the members of the assigned team go home for the evening. 
For your cleaning convenience there is a large grey square trash can in the Tax Prep area for the trash to be put in.  If you are reading this and do not know where the Tax Prep Area is, it is the area in which the food is set up daily. 
I put the same four people for both Saturday and Sunday, as I know everyone does not work every weekend and I know some people might work Saturday or a Sunday and not both.  These teams should coordinate weekly to ensure the food is taken care of each weekend.  I'm sure I've missed some names from [client] & KPMG, so feel free to share your responsibilities with your coworkers on your company's assigned day, should you feel the need to do so. 
As of now this cleaning schedule will continue until we no longer have the need to order our large group meals. 
For any questions, comments or concerns please see [the people who call the shots around here]. 
Thanks in advance for your participation in this matter. 
I feel bad for this guy. He probably realized later that he could have simply said, "Guys, it's been brought to my attention that we've been a bunch of slobs. After meals please pitch in so the workspace doesn't stink. Option 1: Tupperware. Option 2: Trash. Thanks." Everyone would have been all, "Yeah, you're right. No problem."  
Instead he came up with the plan above that he put far too much thought into and he ran into some resistance. Someone from the client's tax team responded, basically saying, "Yeah, sorta busy right now." The E&Y head janitor replied that there were two options: 1) Find someone to pick up your shift or 2) Pick a different day. Client's tax dude further protested with "I am new here. I don’t know who are able and willing." Roughly translated: "Can't help you, chieftain."
The E&Y senior cleaning chief finally decided to put his foot down and pulled the "talk to your people" card:
I understand your situation and sympathize with your workloads, as I have seen you and [the poor bastard who didn't ask for this shit] here working late and on weekends alongside me, KPMG and the other EY employees.  Seeing as the cleaning of the Tax Prep area was a concern voiced by [a concerned party] in your Tax Dept, I would talk with him or any of your supervisors about an appropriate […] replacement for you and [the poor bastard who didn't ask for this shit] tomorrow. 
Where it went from here is not immediately known. Perhaps this cleared the air or perhaps lunch and dinner privileges were revoked. Either way, let this be a lesson to teams that insist on smörgåsbords  during the fall busy season.


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