A few months ago business sections across .coms everywhere were getting blown up with articles about “the boomerang,” an imaginary trend whereupon corporate quitters discover the grass is not in fact greener on the other side and come crawling back to their former employers. Like this March piece from Forbes:
According to experts like Anthony Klotz, who predicted and coined the Great Resignation phenomenon, the next sweeping trend in hiring is the surge of ‘boomerang workers’— people who quit their jobs and are now returning to the company. These workers present a potentially untapped pool of candidates as companies continue to struggle to fill open roles.
Your workplace might have a few more familiar faces as the continued Great Resignation wave gives rise to the boomerang employee — a former worker who returns to the company after some time away.
Boomerang employment is a growing trend in general thanks to technology that helps people stay in contact over time, says Brian Swider, a management professor at the University of Florida and an expert on boomerang employees.
It’s a bit of wishful thinking to imagine swaths of people who left making an abrupt U-turn to come crawling back mere weeks or months from quitting, but the boomerang does exist and people have been doing it at Big 4 firms since the dawn of time. Consider this post a reminder not to set fire to the bridge behind you when you make your triumphant exit from the firm responsible for your crippling mental health issues and flabby thighs just in case. After all, we’re barreling straight toward a recession and who knows what will happen in the future. This isn’t April 3, 1865, you don’t need to set the city on fire on your way out.
If you DO insist on going out with a bang, make it a big bang. Like the Craig who wrote the “Come together like butt cheeks” email:
The first breaking point for EY was during my staff 2 year when I lost an inventory count and the bitch of a senior manager WOULD NOT stop hassling me about it. Dude, I told you I lost it. No matter how many emails or sametimes you sent me, that sheet isn’t coming back. Get over it. Rose cried less when the Titanic sank. Needless to say, he personally wrote my review. Didn’t go over too well during roundtables.
Or the former PwC auditor who burned bridges and then pissed all over the bridges to put the fire out. Just a small sampling of her insane 1,061 farewell email:
[Team Member #1], you’re fake important and you stink. I’ve peeped your game…constantly trying to throw me under the bus. You talk too much about everyone and how much you’re so stressed out on all of your clients …everyday we suffer from hearing this ish as well as listening to your countless stories about your girlfriend. You’re such a gossiper that sometimes I think you’re more feminine then you appear. Who does that? You’re a grown man, get your life! #somethingtotakebacktomizzy #f*outtahere #yourlifesucksandyouclearlyknowit #somethingtotakebacktotheteam? #chattycathy #femininemuch? #someoneneedstheirvagwaxed #ohwaityoudonthaveone
P.s. [Team Member #1], I can give two shits about your animals, maids, brother, etc. Is your life really that boring? Never seen people so in love with animals in life. #ewwnotcomingovertoyourplace #probsmellslikefecesandthrowup #couchesprobtornup #ohletmeguesstheysleepinyourbed #absolutelydisgusting | Get some friends to tell your business to. #ohwaitdrakesaidnonewfriends #maybeyouneedjesusinstead #yourvisionofyourselfisskewed #takeyourselfdownacoupleofnotches #youhavenotarrivedimsorry #crownforthequeenbey #ohandbythewaycelinedioncannottouchbey #beyhivebitches
[Team Member #2], I saw you yesterday giving me the side eye. I think those eyeballs need some readjusting. Girl, stop! Don’t play into [Team Member #1]’s episodes. Just because both of you feel the need to give your whole life story doesn’t mean other people will feel that way. Have your own opinions and ideas. #I’msorrybutnotsorry #dontbeafollower #thoseeyeballswerestaringtoohardforcomfort #goodluckonyourmiserablecrapofacareeratpwc #saygoodbyetoyoursociallife #butifyoudecidetoleaveyoucantwerkoutwiththerestofus #twerkmileymileytwerk
[Team Member #3], where do I start? You hate yourself and your job, let’s be honest. Your cat doesn’t care about you so stop caring about it. Stories about your nasty cat are unbearable. Seriously, I can’t even deal. Beyond gross! You’re fake ratchet! I hear you giving weird remarks that are borderline weird….I can definitely hear the twang in your voice. Just be you!
Any good therapist will tell you to journal if you’re drowning in feelings so should you feel compelled to pound out a farewell email worthy of the Going Concern Hall of Farewell Emails, type that shit out in notepad, spew frustration all over Reddit, punch some walls and then sit down to write a short, sweet note to your team. “I enjoyed working with you all.” END.
Odds you come crawling back are low but not zero. Allow for that tiny little percent and then go forth and live your best, well-paid, 40-hour-a-week life as Big 4 gets smaller and smaller in your rearview.