Category: DWB

Will a Fear of Flying Be a Problem for a Future Big 4 Auditor?

Happy MOANday, people. I received the following email last week and wanted to share my response with all of you. Please comment below if you are or have ever been in a similar situation, and detail how your respective firm responded.

I have a question that I can’t seem to have answered anywhere. I just finished my sophomore year a prestigious university in the northeast and am considered working at Big 4 for a few years for the resume stamp so I could transfer for better pay/work-life balance. One thing that interests me is how much traveling is required in the audit department if you work in a big city like NYC…are most of the client sites local or will a lot of flying be involved. The reason I ask is because I have an intense fear of flying and I am wondering if this will be a deal breaker. I would be more than happy to DRIVE anywhere or take Amtrak but I seriously do not want to fly. Would working for Big 4 in NYC, Boston, Chicago, etc give me the flexibility that I seek in terms of flying, or should I be considering another career? Thanks for your time!


The easy answer: Talk to the recruiters that visit campus. I don’t know how hard you’ve looked for an answer but the recruiters are campus know (or should know) their firm’s HR policies well enough to answer the question.

The must-give-Caleb-400-words-of-content answer: Generally speaking, intensive travel is generally affiliated with large corporations with resources in several states or countries; more times than not these businesses are headquartered in the larger cities you mentioned. For example: it is entirely possible to work on a large multinational corporation based in New York City that has factories in several states. Depending on the scope of the audit and the resources of firm, staff auditors occasionally have to travel to the remote sites and perform fieldwork. Most auditors welcome the travel as “part of the job” and enjoy a change in working environment (even if the environment is a chemical plant in Arizona). But because of your legitimate fear, this is obviously not something you’re interested in. I wouldn’t worry, and here’s why:

The advantage to working in a larger office is that the Scheduling team can better accommodate your request not to be assigned to engagements where air travel would be required. However, that’s not to say that should your office location be a smaller office (say, Pittsburgh), your request would be met with a “too bad for you” response. It is in the best interest of the firm to handle needs like yours in a professional manner.

My advice to you is to be discreet but upfront and honest with the firm you choose to worth with. Discuss the need to be on local clients, and remember – the vast majority clients in larger cities are accessible by mass transit or car. I have no doubt that you will have a successful career in public, even if you are there for the “résumé stamp.”

In Case You Thought Things Were Getting Too Serious…

Here are some accounting jokes for you. Why? Because this is a blog, dammit; we need to lighten things up around here.

Human Resources:
10 explanations that employees might say when they’re caught sleeping at their desks.
1. “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
2. “This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.”
3. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper. You probably got here just in time.”
4. “This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work.”
5. “It’s okay … I’m still billing the client.”
6. “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement.”
7. “I was doing a yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress.”
8. “Rats! Why did you interrupt me? I almost had figured out a solution to our biggest company problem.”
9. “The coffee machine’s broken.”
10. “Amen.”


On Taxes:
“And there are a lot of new taxes coming. California state legislators want to solve our state’s giant deficit by taxing marijuana. Meanwhile, Oregon wants to increase a tax on beer, while New York wants to tax Internet porn. You know what this means? By the end of spring break, this whole thing could be paid for.” –Jay Leno

“Regis Philbin’s back in primetime, hosting 11 new episodes of ‘Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.’ But because of Obama’s tax plan, it’s been re-titled ‘Who Wants To Win Just Under $250,000.'” –Jimmy Fallon

What’s the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Your lawyer friends might tell this joke:
What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he is boring.

May I suggest this be your rebuttal:
What’s the difference between an accountant and lawyer? The accountant is never unemployed.

Partners, feel free to use this one at the next compensation meeting:
When do accountants laugh out loud? When somebody asks for a raise.

Accounting and Relationships
If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep, what does she say? “Darling, could you tell me about your work.”
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: “Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.”

Has Senior Leadership Resorted to Parenting in the Workplace?

By the time you read this, Monday will be one foot in the bag for most of you. So not to hurt your already-tuned-out minds with, I wanted to report on something that probably comes as no shocker to you: the difference in working attitudes between generations continues to cause grief for company leadership across the country.

The full FINS article can be found here, but here’s the bit I want to discuss:

Another issue that cropped up in the survey is the subtle generational shift evidenced by more Gen Y’ers infiltrating the accounting pool. The survey concludes that members of a younger workforce have different expectations about their careers, insofar as they’re more focused on work-life balance and not bound to a “work is all I am” mantra. When asked about reasons for voluntary turnover, 45% of respondents said a poor work/life balance, including excessive hours, was responsible.

The other 65% 55% listed “working for cranky old farts that have no concept of a balanced life” as the reason for looking for a new job. But really, there is obviously a clash in working styles and expectations between the different generations.

Older generations worked their way through school, and many were the first in their families to attend college. This work ethic carried over into the workforce, as Baby Boomers competed against one another for everything; jobs, money, social and economic status, etc. Boomers were raised on the concept of “you eat what you kill.” Simply put, they were a generation pushed and pushed and pushed to work and work and work; by parents, peers, and society alike.

Fast forward to the Generation Y and Millenials that are currently entering the workforce. The large “complaints” of senior leadership about the new waves of workers are the necessary changes that must be made – flexible work arrangements, work/life balance initiatives, community outreach programs, etc. All of these HR-friendly programs have one thing in common – they cost time and money. Upper management and partners of the accounting firms complain frequently (even here in the comments) that the Y’s and Me’s are a lazier, more high maintenance group of professionals.

Newsflash, Baby Boomers: you’re responsible for this. This was to be expected after years of an upbringing centered around access to things, supply of stuff, and promises of you can do whatever you want to do. Baby Boomers saw an advancement in education and the quality of professional training required in the workplace. Today’s generations are seeing another advancement; this one being the quality of the workplace.

But I digress. Perhaps we should all agree to disagree on the continued generational differences and focus on these lines from the FINS article:

The survey found that praise and attention from managers can have a more positive effect than cash bonuses and increase in base pay, for example. To that end, CFOs are focusing more on gold stars and less on pay stubs.

Sounds like parenting, doesn’t it?

A Friendly HR Reminder: The Workplace Is Not a Dating Service

Yes, your calendar is correct. Sir Caleb asked me to post on Whisky Wednesday. Fill up your glass, kick back in your chair, and let’s do this, shall we?

An area that I want to address is a topic that is otherwise whispered about or downright ignored by most engagement teams at accounting firms – dating in the workplace. For the purpose of this post, we’re going to let “dating” stand for anything from a one night stand to full fledge monogamous relationships. When done correctly and professionally, there is nothing wrong (from a legal or career perspective) with dating a co-worker. However – at least from my observations – the majority of cases do not fall under this description.

Sleepin’ your way to the top; shacking up with the enemy; earning an Encore award; shagging the secretary; deserving an early promo. Whatever you want to call it, getting drunk and hooking up with a coworker falls into a grey area. And by grey area, I mean the “what the hell were you thinking” area. I suggest treading lightly.


Why it happens – Birds and bees conversation aside, I’m talking about why so many accountants hook up with one another. On paper, it makes sense – similar backgrounds and interests, close and frequent exposure to one another, the lack of time to spend with others outside the office, and of course your campus recruiting department did a kick-ass job when “randomly” selecting resumés. Sure, your associate seems like a catch – but whom have you compared him/her to? Your manager? The mailroom staff? Security!? Come on. Your firm is not Match.com or the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist.

People talk – Newsflash of the day – your co-workers are a bunch of gossip mongers. Again, some of this is due to the “work is my life” mantra. Gossip flies around larger engagement teams when cliques are prevalent – do yourself a favor and head it off from the start of things – DON’T HOOK UP WITH SOMEONE FROM YOUR ENGAGEMENT TEAM. If you absolutely must “keep it in the accounting family,” try a different practice. (Didn’t you hear? Internal audit advisory services is saturated with hotties.) But really, avoid associating yourself with this kind of gossip. As time goes on and people get promoted and shuffled around, you never know who you’re going to be working with. Avoid the guaranteed awkwardness.

It can hurt your career – I’m not saying this is common, because it’s really not. It’s not ethical, but when it comes time for reviews, managers and partners are human. Non-work related factors – like sleeping your way around the block – can have an impact.

If you’re going to date someone from work…keep both of your careers in mind. Be honest with one another, and talk about things. A lot of factors can come into play – what practice lines you’re in, the possibility of working together, and long-term promotion paths are just a few. When marriage becomes a realistic possibility or you are unsure of how to proceed at any time, speak to someone in HR. They can help you better understand your firm’s HR policy and how it relates to your particular situation.

But for you horned up co-eds out there, listen up. Next time you’re out sipping the alcoholic Kool-aid at a partner sponsored “bonding event,” think twice before downing your drink remnants and hopping in a cab with the second year with the nice eyes. You’ll thank me the next morning when you don’t walk in wearing the same peach schnapps stained shirt you had on the night before.

Have a personal experience or bit of advice you want to share? Email me or comment below.

Four Ways to Explain Gaps in Your Resumé

Slow Monday, GC’ers? You’re damn right. Call up your buddies and make today Margarita Monday. What better way to prepare for Tequila Tuesday, amiright?

I received the following question in my inbox from a recently unemployed reader:

I was let go from my firm in the fall of 2009. I have since found a part-time job but am struggling to secure full-time work. I’m afraid that if I go too long without finding a new job that I’ll have a hard time explaining the gap in my resumé. What do you suggest?

My two Lincolns follow:


Part-time work is better than nothing – If you have ever been between jobs, you know that job searching is not a 9-5 ordeal. After the first few weeks of searching the Monster’s and CareerBuilder’s of the online world, one becomes very efficient in their respective search capabilities. Jobs are not filled in a first-come-first-served manner either, so it becomes a matter of searching new jobs (typically Monday and Friday are the most popular posting days) once a day to make sure you’re on top of the newest opportunities.

That said, you’ll find yourself with a lot of time during the days. Rather than catch up on your Netflix account, find yourself a part-time job or volunteer opportunity. It will keep your mind active, your spirits up, and even some extra change in your pocket. This also shows that maintaining a work ethic and staying professionally active is important to you

Update your resume on a regular basis – On the flip side of the online job market pool, employers know the last time you updated your resume. Revising your resume once a week will ensure that it remains near the top of searches. I’m not saying you should re-work your work experience every week; changing even the slightest detail is enough to register as an update in their system.

Be honest – Whatever you do, do not lie to your recruiter or the HR professional representing a potential job. In addition to background and credit checks, employment verification checks are becoming ever more popular. Don’t feel like you need to lie about when you lost your pervious job; you’re not the only person that has been affected by the recent recession. Which brings me to my last point.

You’re not alone – Sure, the recession has led to a saturated job market; employers understand this as they begin to re-hire individuals. Recent gaps in your resumé are not scarlet letters (like they would have been in 2007) for your chances of landing an interview.

Once that interview is secured, be honest and upfront about the missing time pieces in your work experience. And whatever you do, hit home the fact that you’re hoping a new role with ABC Inc. will lead to a successful future of stability and growth for both you and the company.

Four Ways Accountants Can Battle the Slow Summer Days

Good afternoon and Happy Thursday, people. For the sake of your sanity I decided not to write about LeBron James and his impending decision*. Today I wanted to focus on something that is plaguing all of us right now – the summer months.

What the devil are you talking about, Daniel?

You heard me, my accounting cohorts. The summer months are traditionally a down time for most public accounting professionals due to the accounting cycle combined with the influx of extra hands on deck (i.e. peppy interns). The lack of significant workloads during July and August can be enough to drive even the most motivated accountant to the breaking point of boredom.

Here are a few tips to get you through the days ahead once you reach the max weekly usage on Pandora:


Five before 5 – Things never feels slower than when there seems to be nothing to accomplish through the course of the day. Avoid the “I did nothing for 8 hours” by setting out a list of five things to accomplish during the day, trivial or not. List items can include everything from contacting your scheduler or manager about the fall client schedule or rolling forward workpapers in preparation for the 2010 year end. Creating the list the night before will also help set the tone for your morning routine.

Volunteer – The effects that volunteering has on one’s mind and well being are well documented. In short – it’s good for you. Check in with your local HR rep or watch out for the monthly emails about volunteer opportunities. Want to look outside of your firm? Volunteermatch.org is a wonderful resource.

Mentor an intern – See that bright-eyed and bushy-tailed intern in the cubicle passing time by reading through 10K’s on the SEC website? Do their internship experience a favor and walk them through one of your clients’ workpapers. Carving out time in your day to explain the steps and processes documented in your work will help them better understand what they can expect in the future. Anything you can do to expand their exposure beyond cas rec’s is an accomplishment; and trust me, they’ll remember and appreciate the fact that you took the time to explain the process.

Get out of the office – If nothing else cash in a chunk of your vacation days and take a week off. Even if you don’t travel, use the time to catch up your personal life. Read a book, sleep for 16 hours, I don’t care. Just get away from the office and turn off your Monday-Friday mindset.

*That said, I hope he comes to New York

Another Survey, Another Reason Parents Will Pressure Their Kids into Accounting

Welcome back, people. Stuffed with watermelon mint juleps, fireworks and Klynveldian meats, most of you probably returned to full stomachs and fuller inboxes. That said, I hope your day is as painstakingly slow as mine (HR is a beautiful thing).

My morning news feed (i.e. Caleb’s morning news round-up) contained a story that is all too familiar – graduating college with an accounting degree is a safe bet. Of course. This report could have been 10 days or 10 years old; the song and dance would be the same. Consistently one of the best (meaning safest) bets for an undergraduate degree, the report from National Association of Colleges and Employers that, “jobs in accounting paid an entry-level salary of $50,402.” (It should be noted that – rumor has it – NACE pays a circus monkey to regurgitate these statistics EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR.)

Not too shabby, 50 grand a year after college. This number obviously comes with a salt shaker, as those entering into a career in public need to factor in their location and the fact that the number is pulled upwards – at least to a degree – by private salaries. My beef is not with these numbers but with the parents, high school guidance counselors and university staff that use these numbers as a means to push their products on to naïve students. Alas, my list of Flakey Reasons You Should Be an Accounting Major:


“My (insert random acquaintance reference here) is an accountant, and he/she does just fine.” That’s wonderful for your barber’s cousin’s friend, but really the success of one accountant means nothing. Doctors are successful, as is the 15 year old kid bagging my groceries. This “Mr. Smith is successful” argument is generally used as a conservative reference to a job that is less popular. Quality of life is a relative term; so who’s happier, the produce bagger or the family tax accountant?

“You need to graduate with a degree that will earn you a job.” I understand this argument; however isn’t the point of college to study a subject which you actually like? Don’t get me wrong, I am all for being realistic about this, but the long-term consequences of studying a particular subject and focusing on an industry cannot be overlooked. This leads me to…

“You can work in any industry with an accounting degree.” I like Skittles. I am downright passionate about Skittles. Skittles are my life*. Is an accounting degree the only way to work for their producer, Mars Inc? Umm. No.

“You need a job to pay back your student loans.” No argument here, except for the one about overall crisis in higher education (you know, no big deal really). A recent CardRatings.com poll showed 36 percent of college graduates are carrying student loan debt on a credit card. Sleep soundly knowing the remaining 64 percent of the group is simply burdened by lower interest rates.

But I digress. The loans should be considered a necessary means to an end (i.e. – finding a job and career of interest). If you’re majoring in a subject so you can pay down the debt…that you took on…to earn…said degree…you’re vastly missing the point of going to college.

*Don’t judge.

Eight Things Accountants Can Do This 4th of July Weekend

Study for the CPA exam: July is a testing month, so study up on whatever exam is hanging over your head. Your firm is giving you time off – stay sober for six of those hours and cram some knowledge.

Spend The Man’s money: Are you done with the CPA exam and now have an incentive check for doing so burning a hole in your madras shorts? Cash it in, treat yourself to something nice, and begin the b*tching about fulfilling upcoming CPE requirements.

Eat some meat: If you’re a lucky KPMG Kamper that already received your Omaha Steaks package, light up the grill and cook up a feast. (I hear outdated Becker CPA review books make excellent fire starters.)


Jump Start things early: E&Y, PwC, and Deloitte are all closed tomorrow and Monday (at least that’s the case in New York City), leaving Uncle Peat as the lone office stuck with just a three day weekend. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that…sucks? Skip out early, Kampers.

Click on the ads all over Going Concern. Come on, Caleb deserves your ad revenue.

Network you patriotic pants off: Holiday barbeques bring together both friends and strangers. Also be open to the possibility of talking shop with the acquaintances you meet; you never know when a job or new client opportunity will present itself.

Work on your resumé: Your resumé should always be updated; simple as that.

Spend time with family and friends: No, really. You public accountants work too hard and spend too much time together (yes, I’m referring to the romantic couplings occurring at Thursday night happy hours). Branch out and reconnect with your friends – you know – “those people” with 40 hour work weeks. They miss you. Plus, the tan-less look you’ve been rocking since busy season is so February’s look.

Share your plans or off-the-cubicle-wall ideas below. See you all on Tuesday. Cheers!

How the Big 4 Are Helping Career Moms Have It All

The Harvard Business Review’s blog (Harvard blogs?) ran a piece earlier today about a recent Pew Research study that claims more women are not having children.

The HBR brushes over the whole birth control thing and serves its best interest by focusing on what they consider having it all (an advanced degree and at least one child), picking the following statistic out of the hay stack, “in 2008, 24% of women ages 40-44 with a master’s, doctoral or professional degree had not had children, a decline from 31% in 1994.”


This had me thinking about the benefits that the Big 4 provide to their employees going through early parenthood. What might surprise you (or might not) is how similar the firms’ services are.

From PwC.

From Deloitte.

From KPMG.

From E&Y.

Parental leave of absence: “Eligible primary care parents with three months of service can use six weeks of paid parental leave during the year following birth or adoption placement (three weeks for non-primary care parents). This is in addition to maternity disability benefits, if applicable, of 60% to 100% for approximately 8 weeks. Paid parental leave runs concurrently with any job-protected time under family and medical leave.”

Provided by every Big 4 firm:

Adoption assistance – Per EY’s site: “Pays expenses up to $5,000 per child (with an additional $1,000 for special needs children), with paid leave available for the caregivers, along with resource and referral services.”

Lactation program – PwC’s program, explained: “Access to educational materials, unlimited pre/post-birth counseling from nationally recognized lactation specialists and breast pump discounts are available through this program. Private mother’s rooms are also available in many of our offices.” Do conference frooms count as “mothers’ rooms?”

Parental paid leave of absence

Deloitte – 2 weeks (this is all I could find – can anyone prove differently?)

PwC – up to 6 weeks

KPMG – 8 weeks “Professionals who plan to return to work after the birth or adoption, are eligible for two weeks (10 days) of paid child care leave.”

E&Y – 6 weeks

Unique programs:

Family time off – The Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 promises 12 weeks of unpaid leave for those employees who need to take care of a sick family member. E&Y extends this service to 16 weeks.

Back up Child and Elder Care – many of the firms provide some kind of support for employees when family care emergencies occur. KPMG takes things one step further by allowing employees to share their unused resources with colleagues that have depleted their resources.

Note – I used external websites when reviewing the different options – these might outdated from what you have internally. Does your local office offer something unique that is not listed here? Share details in the comments.

More Women Manage to Have It All [HBR]

Compensation Watch ’10: PwC Starts Spreading the News in New York

It’s raining bonuses and raises over at PricewaterhouseCoopers these days. Unfortunately, all I’m seeing are news tips (monetary tips or buybacks at the bar are always appreciated). All of my sources are from the NYC office, so if you’re elsewhere in the country, please share your numbers in the comments below. Here’s what we know so far:


• Advisory/Consulting senior associate received a raise north of 18.5%. No, that is not a typo. So in the advisory practice it’s safe to assume the spread is 0% to 19% for raises this year, with the average being about 6% as reported by Caleb earlier.

• A recently promoted associate to senior associate in advisory received a 10.5% raise and a $3,000 bonus.

• Tax bonuses are being handed out now as well. Size matters in this instance, people. Cough up the details below.

This indicates that resources are being spent on what is being determined to be the right people in the right practices. Average performers should expect to receive 4-6% and take it to the bank.

Audit people, what are your numbers looking like? Email us or post your comments below. Practice/office/level are always appreciated

Thanks to everyone that is sharing information. Enjoy the weekend.

PwC Is Making “Recruit a Friend” Worth Your While (No, Seriously)

As if PricewaterhouseCoopers hasn’t been popular enough around the GC community, I received the following letter from an Advisory practice leader out of their New York City office yesterday:

You know what it takes to succeed here. Smarts. Flexibility. Teamwork. Excellence. Leadership.

Sounds more like a description of the US Soccer team, no? My emphasis and notes below.

That’s why we’re turning to you to help us find our next new hire, that future teammate, a qualified colleague. And, beyond the reward of perhaps having a friend work here and enhancing our level of talent, we’re making it more worthwhile to recommend a friend by temporarily increasing the referral bonus for client service psue our growth goals and win more work, our staffing needs are growing too.

In Advisory, our business continues to grow and we need the right talent to fill the dynamic and challenging positions we have open to support our continued growth for the remainder of the year and beyond. As we communicated to you, we recognize the need for additional resources in many areas of our practice. Referring qualified candidates has always been one of the best sources of candidates for us, and an important way you can help.

Refer someone you know for a client service position, and you can earn up to a $6,000 referral bonus if they accept the position, depending on the level of the position, from June 14 through September 30. Asking you to help is just part of our push to find new ways to bring talent in faster and through different channels.

So, take a minute and think about people you know from your professional and personal networks. Use LinkedIn or Facebook to connect with a former colleague, a friend, or someone you volunteer with who has the skill sets we need. We all know people who could achieve personally and contribute to the success of the firm, whether in our line of service, or in another. (And, we could all use a little spending money.)

Not sure you want to comb through all your contacts? You may want to think again. As additional incentive, for client service referrals, you’ll:

§ Receive a $100 American Express gift card for any client service referral who is submitted between June 14 and September 30 and interviewed for a position other than partner or principal in any line of service other than IFS [Internal Firm Services] by October 31, 2010. These will be awarded on a monthly basis after the interview takes place.

DWB: Tell your buddies at other firms to apply, interview, and take you for $100 worth of drinks.

§ Be entered automatically into announced prize drawings for each new client service referral who accepts a job offer (other than as partner or principal) for the position which you referred them in any line of service other than IFS. And these aren’t just any prizes: the first drawings will be for $15,000 or one of four iPads, per line of service of the referrer. There’s no limit on how many acceptances gain you entry, either — so if you refer three new people who accept the client service job offer for which you submit them, you’re entered into the drawing for your line of service three times (though you can only win one prize per drawing).

DWB: Uhhhh. So you can win either $15,000 or an iPad? Fifteen THOUSAND dollars or a personal computer? What pains me is to see the money they are throwing at this process – surely one would assume PwC has an internal recruiting team to fill these needs. Right?

Wrong. My source was kind enough to check their internal job directory, and there are multiple experienced recruiter positions for the Advisory line up for grabs. This makes sense, as these glorified internal “head hunters” are cut early on when times get tough (no sense having recruiters when there is no need for new personnel). These roles were probably canned in 2008 or ’09 when the Advisory sector was bleeding resources.

So get on the horn, PDubbers – call up your friends at the other public accounting shops and cash in on this opportunity.

How Accountants Can Get the Salary They Want

I’ve always been a nerd.

Not a dork, a nerd. The financial services industry and its incredible economic influence (from tax structuring to secondary industries like cab drivers and event planners) has always interested me. So it should come as no surprise that I am an avid reader of the Wall Street Journal (I have the dual paper/online subscription…obviously).

There was an article in today’s edition that has to do with getting “the salary you want.” If only it was as easy as these five points. For what it’s worth, here’s my summary of, and input on, how these rules suggested guidelines if you are looking to transition out of public accounting:


• Do your research – The article makes a point to research what current salary ranges at the potential place of employment could be. Salary.com, Payscale.com, and Glassdoor.com are all mentioned. My advice – remember to do your research with grains of salt in easy reach. The greater number of employees that contribute their statistics will lead to a more accurate number. (Glassdoor.com lists PwC’s “audit associate” salary average salary as $53,358. Is that accurate? You tell me.)

• Don’t give out the first number – When you get beyond the confusion of that statement, you realize the article is referring to the pay day you would love to receive if given the job. My advice – Don’t give a number. Here’s exactly what you need to say if asked “what is your ideal salary:” “For me the role and opportunity is what is most important.”

Yes, that is a vague statement. But it is your recruiter’s job to fight for your salary; remember their pay day is dependent on yours.

• Don’t lie – Listen to your mother. My advice – this is self-explanatory. Your current salary will be verified. Lying to your recruiter about anything – most notably salary and background check details – is a way to sever ties indefinitely.

• Don’t take the first offer – The article goes back and forth about negotiating salaries, something that you won’t do if you use a recruiter. However, if you are not using a recruiter, I recommend reading this bit. My advice – People typically have two magic numbers in their head: 1) the salary they’ve dreamt of and 2) the number they really need to receive in order to commit to leaving. Be honest with your recruiter. They will fight for you, or they will talk you off the ledge of asinine expectations.

• Once that’s locked in, go for other benefits – The article pretty much shoots itself in the kidney on this one. Read it. It’s 17 seconds you’ll never have back. My advice – consider the benefits part of your total compensation. More or less vacation days? Summer flex programs? Cheaper health benefits? Better 401k? List everything out and compare with your current situation. Due to fair employment practices, companies are usually hand-tied to offering equal employees different (or “better”) benefits.

That’s all I have. Oh and for the record, the difference between dorks and nerds is simple. Dorks read the Journal with coffee. Nerds read the Journal with scotch.