Big day everyone. Oh, sure there’s that but there are far more important things on the agenda. Namely, Christmaskuh festivities/cafeteria chats at the Stamford, Long Island and two NYC offices. Perfect opportunity to discuss the nominees for most likely to catch an STD on the path to partner.
Elsewhere in the Deloitte stable, the Chicago office is amping up for its rager that is going on this Saturday in Wrigleyville:
So by “unofficial” and “informal” we’re sure that’s the “All Clear” for someone to lose their pants and/or shirt by the end of the evening. Plus, we interpret the last line as an open invitation to P. Dubs and KPMG professionals for temporary adoption into the Deloitte family.
That might be the best chance they’ll have at taking in a butchering of “O Come All Ye Faithful” and shameless ass grabbing under the mistletoe, so we suggest they consider it.
Category: Deloitte
And the Award for Deloitte Analyst Most Likely to Sleep His Way to the Top Goes To…
Gents, are you sick of being treated like eye candy? Are you tired of getting attention for your looks when all you want to do his serve your capital markets? Being judged for alleged promiscuity with superiors?
No? Cool with it? Good, because there are awards being handed out across the pond primarily based on your superficial qualities and your willingness to whore yourself out for personal success (click to enlarge).
We’re filling out our ballot now but as the message says, you’ve got until the 18th, so ponder these carefully. Barry Salzberg is a lock at #6, especially if he’s wearing a hard hat.
Btw, who is going to tabulate the votes? We sure as hell can’t trust anyone from Deloitte to do it. Consider this the official RFP.
Also discuss your thoughts on the categories included, what categories are omitted, nominate yourself by sending us photos (we’ll pass them along). Anything on your mind, really.
Jim Quigley, Still ‘a Proud Aggie,’ Fails to Go Out on a High Note
That’s right, he’s proud. Never mind that the football team just finished their season 4 – 8. Sports aren’t everything.
The Big Q, swindler of unsuspecting journalists, took time away from calling CEOs on private jets to give a speech at Utah State (his alma mater) to faculty and students on ethics.
We won’t give you all the gory details since CNN probably is working on that piece right now. We’d hate to steal their thunder.
We will mention that Quigs is swelling with pride that USU’s Jon M. Huntsman School of Business Scholars agree to “principles” which he quoted in the speech:
“I agree to conduct myself according to the highest ethical standards. I will accept personal responsibility for my conduct and any consequences for mistakes, accidental or intentional. I will be honest, truthful and fair in alof my actions and interactions with others. I will also demonstrate civil, respectful and courteous concern for and behavior toward others at all times both in and outside of the classroom.”
It seems like a fine group of sentences but I implore you: is it an oath/promise laminated on tiny cards? Hardly, dude.
Ethics and integrity aside, Quigs’ remarks seem like the standard boilerplate metaphors and clichés. Hell, he even quotes the Oracle in his conclusion, “Warren Buffett said: ‘It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.’ And, once lost, it can take years to rebuild.”
It works well enough but we would have rather heard Quigs wrap it up with “I’ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman but I’ve sure woke up with a few.” It would’ve brought the house down. High note, Quigs. Always look to go out on that high note.
Jim_Quigley_Utah_State_remarks.pdf
Deloitte’s Commitment to Client Service Will be Tested by Dubai World
Last week we touched on Deloitte and KPMG facing off in the whole Dubai World fiasco. Today we get the lowdown on the possible difficulties that Aidan Birkett — Deloitte’s MD of corporate finance and the Chief Restructuring Offficer of DW — could run into serving his finicky client.
Hard to believe that a group of über-wealthy sheiks (responsible for re-creating the Earth out of tiny man-made islands, no less) would resist outside advice but it sounds like Birkett will have his hands full.
Zawya Dow Jones:
Bankers say his biggest challenge will be getting Dubai’s government to listen. It’s unclear whether he’ll be given a free hand to remodel Dubai World without the interference of the emirate’s political elite.
“When a foreigner comes into the country, ultimately what happens is that the door closes, people speak Arabic, they come out and they say that’s the deal,” said a Dubai-based investment banker, who asked not to be named.
That doesn’t sound complicated. Go to meeting. Listen to your interpreter struggle to keep up. The sheiks nod in agreement at each other. Meeting adjourned.
Naturally, Deloitte is confident that their man will get what he wants:
People who have worked with Birkett in the past say he is a tough operator and will demand that his advice is heeded by Dubai’s powerful sheiks.
“He is robust and he’s absolutely straight, no nonsense,” said Deloitte’s Ward in Dubai. “He doesn’t have to upset everybody along the way but he gets his own way.”
Sounds like a perfect recipe for a boardroom blowup/storm out session to us. DW doesn’t sound like it has a lot of options since all their assets were purchased with debt, so it’ll be interesting to see how they rationalize their “we’ll do whatever the hell we want” attitude. Best of luck, Deloitte.
FOCUS: Deloitte’s Birkett Faces Struggle With Dubai Sheiks [Zawya Dow Jones via WSJ]
Deloitte Gets into the Ribbon-Cutting
More giant scissor danger today as Deloitte had its own ribbon-cutting in Arlington, VA to open their new Federal headquarters. According to the firm’s press release will serve as the “hub for Deloitte’s Federal Government Services.”
The firm’s press release explains how this year’s BearingPoint acquisition provided Big D with many plunders:
“The opening of our new Federal headquarters today is the final milestone in the integration of Deloitte and BearingPoint,” said Robin Lineberger, principal, Deloitte Consulting LLP, and leader of Deloitte Federal Government Services. “Deloitte was already a leader in the Federal marketplace, and the acquisition marked an aggressive expansion into the U.S. federal space, gave us increased market share, strengthened our global position and altered the entire competitive landscape. With the integration of the teams now complete, we’re thrilled to continue serving our clients in the important work they do.”
Still feels like Deloitte might be dancing on the BP grave a little bit but maybe that’s just us.
Anyhoo, now that Deloitte is well positioned to get some lobbying done better serve its Fed clients, all the blue collar efforts can focus on The U.
Deloitte Opens New Federal Headquarters In Arlington [Press Release]
Apparently Some Men at Deloitte Have Trouble Understanding Their Female Colleagues
If any Deloittians were even remotely concerned that Bloomberg would squash the BusinessWeek list franchise […]
Deloitte Is Saving Money by Offering Zach Morris Phones
We kid, we kid. Obviously you’re aware that you can shell out $13 a month and get an iPhone. Whether that’s worth it or not, we’ll let you decide but if you don’t want the iPhone, you’re taking your chances with another option, as one source describes, “crappy Windows Mobile devices that are getting shoved down our throats.”
Not only that but if you’re looking to get reimbursed for your PDA, don’t expect to get to choose whatever you want. Or to spend that much:
Deloitte also now limits the re-imbursement of PDAs to $199.99 + taxes. They used to cover the entire cost of devices that they chose to support (which mostly sucked to begin with). You’d figure that since they only pay $199.99 that we’d be able to pick the device now… but no; still limited to their “approved list” of crappy devices.
We’re not really up-to-date on the whole who-gets-what-phone-at-what-level question these days so if you’ve got some insight for your firm, discuss in the comments.
At the Deloitte Holiday Party You’ll Have to Mill Around While Trying to Avoid the Guy Mopping the Floor
We have confirmed the comment that mentions the Deloitte Holiday parties going down in the lunchroom. According to our source, this makes two years running that D has thrown it down in the caf which was a step down from the epic ’07 rager at the Waldorf. It’s not that nice of a hotel anyway.
Personally, we were hoping that Barry Salzberg was going to encourage everyone chip in and build the location of this year’s festivities with their bare hands but it might be too late to get that project started. Maybe next year.
Obviously this is less than ideal because 1) it’s definitely not a full bar and 2) instead of catering you’ll have to choose between what you think is salisbury steak and chicken a la king.
As far as atmosphere, we will admit that this is less touristy than TOTG but still. And what about the poor saps in Parsippany? Training rooms A – C? Jesus. Nothing better than crushing beers in the room where you were introduced to the FASB Codification.
In the Spirit of the Season, Deloitte Is Giving You a Bigger Inbox
First off, you’re welcome. And they already hear your bellyaching you ungrateful brats so CUT. IT. OUT.
Second, they had to do it because, as you may or may not be aware, the increasing number of emails being sent and received just might be a sign that this economy is turning around:
I’m not yet convinced that the increase we’re witnessing in the number of e-mails (and e-mail size) is an early indicator of economic growth…but just in case, we are increasing the size of your e-mail mailbox by 50 percent.
Effective immediately, you will now have 600MB to do with as you wish (of course, don’t forget our communications policies enshrined in APR 208, which will undoubtedly both constrain and guide your rush to fill that additional 200MB void). Also, the 600MB is in addition to the almost unlimited e-mail storage on your laptop using PST files.
OK…I can hear a few of you grumbling, “but Google gives me at least 1GB…for free.” Sure…but does Google provide a free laptop, a free PDA, a world-wide directory, e-mails you can search while on a plane, technical support where a live person answers the phone, and ITS walk-up support in your local office staffed with smiling IT professionals anxious to serve you? I rest my case.
One last note: Increasing your mailbox size should not be construed as an invitation to avoid reading, deleting or filing messages…or using your mailbox as your central music repository.
Enjoy the space…consider it an early holiday gift.
As always, click here to respond or provide comments. They are always welcome.
Larry Quinlan
Chief Information Officer
Deloitte LLP
Barry Salzberg Makes Bob Vila Look Like a Lego Master
Barry Salzberg took time from talking up his chief rival for the Global CEO spot the new Deloitte Consulting CEO to write a piece for the Washington Post about how corporate philanthropy is alive and well.
You’re probably aware that this isn’t Dr. Phil’s first foray into virtual print. Not only has Salz given imaginary advice to the POTUS but he also did a “freewheeling” piece for Fortune on volunteerism.
The latest WaPo piece rings the same charitable note (although it’s considerably less freewheeling) and reminds everyone that not only will Deloitte continue to cut checks, they will also provide “skilled volunteers.” This is clearly part of the ongoing effort to not be seen as a giant faceless, professional services firm but a giant professional services firm that has mustache that may have buried treasure in it and a clean scalp that you can barely resist rubbing for luck.
Now while these “skilled volunteers” could possibly include the best and brightest giving NPOs the lowdown on double-entry accounting, you’ll note that the piece is entitled “Getting our hands dirty”.
Since it’s probably been many moons since the big guy has looked at a spredsheet — and he doesn’t really strike us as the type of guy to speak in metaphors — we’ll assume that he’s literally getting his hands dirty. That being said, we definitely envision something with a tool belt and possibly coveralls with an expertise in drywall or indoor plumbing.
If you’ve got thoughts on Dr. Phil’s latest scribal effort or what kind other blue-collar skills he has, discuss in the comments.
Getting our hands dirty [Washington Post]
Deloitte Names New Partner in Charge of Southeast Region
Some leadership changes for Deloitte are being reported in the DC area, as Gary Tabach will be the new partner in the charge of the Southeast region:
Gary Tabach, Deloitte LLP’s Greater Washington managing partner, has been promoted to vice chairman and regional managing partner for the accounting and consulting firm’s Southeast region.
He is replacing Maritza Montiel, who has been named managing partner of leadership development and succession.
Tabach now oversees some 10,200 staffers in 20 offices from Baltimore to San Juan, Puerto Rico.
Mr. Tabach still has to do most of the heavy lifting for his old job as he will remain the DC managing partner.
Ms. Montiel’s new position, managing partner of leadership development and succession, strikes as mysterious. That particular title gives the impression that she is “partner in charge of telling other partners that they need to lock it up or they’re fired”. If we’re in the ballpark let us know and keep us informed about any leadership changes for your office or region.
Deloitte’s Gary Tabach lands bigger regional role [Washington Business Journal (subscription required)]
Earlier:
New Deloitte Consulting CEO Plugs Magazine Lists, Shuns Facebook Fans
New Deloitte Consulting CEO Plugs Magazine Lists, Shuns Facebook Fans
Deloitte Consulting has appointed a new Chairman and CEO, Punit Renjen, succeeding Douglas Lattner. This […]