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December 5, 2022

Brisket, Blueberries Some of the Best Fare at Deloitte University: Sources

Back in 2011, Deloitte swung open the doors on a 107-acre, $300 million spectacle in Westlake, Texas known as Deloitte University; its centerpiece being a 700,000 square-foot building that has thirty-five classrooms, thirty-six "team" rooms, a  ballroom, an amphitheater that seats 176 people, 800 guest rooms, three restaurants, and a state-of-the art fitness center. It's perks like "The DU"1 that make it easy for Joe Echevarria to go on Bloomberg to humblebrag about the legions of people that the firm will hire this year. 

But never mind that. We got a tip from someone  who wants to get down to the imporant stuff — food and sex, obviously.

Can we talk about "DU" (Deloitte University)? Is it an awesome haven of excellent food and debauchery? Or a cultish brainwashing compound? The brisket is legit tho.
Legit brisket is a good sign that you are in fact in a haven of excellent food. I checked in with trusted source at Deloitte that has been to DU2 on a number of occasions who confirmed that the food there is "amazing." This source doesn't eat meat but did go on about the "abundance of blueberries [that are] always available."
"I don't know where they get them," this person said.
Okay, so the food is better than manna from heaven. That much is confirmed. But what about this alleged debauchery?
Well, our source at Deloitte, who has guzzled plenty of the blue stuff, is skeptical — "You never know who is around the corner," this person said. "Leadership roams the halls," so people are likely to be a little bit better behaved than they would be at some random training in Orlando.  It's almost a certainty that there is some incestuous green dot love going on at DU, but it doesn't sound like we're dealing with Caligula's temple.
As for "cultish brainwashing compound," our source would not confirm,but Westlake is only two hours from Waco. And in Texas, that's just stone's throw.
But that's what you would expect isn't it? I mean, that food isn't just there for your health — they want you to want to go there. Hell, I want to go there! I'll even carry Barry Salzberg's backpack if that means I get all the free Honey Crisp apples and yoga I want.
We're eager to more about DU — especially about food, but if you have a different experience at DU? Maybe some poor sushi? Beer can pyramids in the hallways? Bad partner karaoke? Share them below or email us.
1 Come on, you know people are calling it that.
2 Sorry, Denver University; I'm going with it.

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