Author: Caleb Newquist

Founding editor, Going Concern.

Eating Hours: Are You in Denial?

Do we need to say anything else? Ok, we’ll say a little.

Now that there’s less of you doing the same amount of work, it’s entirely possible this could be a hell of a problem, especially come winter.

So who’s doing this? You getting word directly? In writing? If so, for God’s sake, send us the email. If you’re getting less obvious pressure we want to hear about that too.

If you’re doing it, get some stones and quit doing it. Get yourself a support group if ness.
Don’t even try telling us it’s not going on, we heard about it in the Twitterverse. Gospel.

KPMG Didn’t Hear You Say ‘Uncle’

So we know why the final numbers in a few offices haven’t been reported for last week’s layoffs at KPMG: They’re still happening, circa now. According to somebody within earshot: “I passed someone in the hallway mumbling about getting the ax. I thought they were over; clearly not the case.”
We hear that the timing of these is partially due to the firm sending little auditors to training first and then bringing them back only to say, “Hope you enjoyed yourself, ’cause it was your last.”
This begs the obvious question of why the hell KPMG would go to this expense of sending them down there only to can their asses upon return.
We’d love to hear some wild speculation on the reasoning although based on yesterday’s mention, you’re all numb at this point.

Cynical Executives are Expecting More Bad Behavior Out of You

fraud.jpgLet’s talk about fraud, friends. We’re all sure that you’re number crunching sleuths and that no accounting hocus-pocus would ever get past you but apparently executives are still expecting more of it. This probably means one of two things: A) You’re not as smart as you think you are, or 2) You’re in on it.
Now, we should clarify that in Web CPA’s piece, these executives polled expect a rise in one of three areas: “financial reporting, asset misappropriation, or as another illegal or unethical act”. If you’re involved in the first kind, that’s boring. If you’re involved in the second kind, we suggest you retain counsel.
More, after the jump.


We’d like to focus on the “illegal and unethical act” part. Now, assuming you’ve passed the CPA, and also passed the grueling ethics exam that most states require, this shouldn’t be an issue for you.
For the rest of you, we’re assuming that your typical day is rife with unethical behavior. Some of you are probably unable to consume lunch and turn the entire work environment into a biohazard. So what we’re getting at here is that your clients and/or bosses don’t trust seem to trust you. We’re sure they’re right. We want to know why.
What kind of chicanery is going on that the bigwigs wouldn’t want to know about? Do you jimmy the vending machine on a regular basis for your lunch? Are you raiding the supply closet to build replicas of the [insert city here] skyline with staples? Let’s keep it to minor offenses though. Nothing that qualifies as misdemeanors and above will be allowed.

KPMG Arrives at the Paperless Audit Party

office-space-402a-061907.jpgWe’ve received several reports about Klynveldians attending “eAudit” training this summer which marks the firm’s attempt to get break into the “paperless” audit world. Reports have been mixed with some saying that it’s best technology KPMG has invested in but others claiming that it will only run on Vista which may be problematic when Windows 7 rolls out.
Forgetting the technology mumbo-jumbo, it’s been long rumored that KPMG was the last major firm to make the move to a paperless audit. This could have been due to a number of things:
More, after the jump


• Partners that have been around since WWII that can’t even use email put the kibosh on the whole idea
• M-O-N-E-Y
• Accountants, in general, resist the idea of trying a new restaurant so don’t even think about messing with their audit methods
What’s more surprising is that some Radio Station clients have said that they prefer the old school audit. Not exactly sure what is so appealing about young auditors schleping around boxes of binders that weigh a few metric asstons but whatevs.
Our point, dude, is that KPMG has finally caved on this whole “paperless” idea. Since audits aren’t truly paperless we’re not sure what all the fuss is about but KPMGers got an extra week in Florida in the dead of summer out of it. Discuss the firm breaking into the new century in the comments or let us know how terrible your lives will be because of it.

The SEC Awkwardly Reasserts its Authority

mschape.jpgThe SEC, having lost every shred of dignity it once had, is kindly reminding everyone that they are the authority on accounting rules. It sounds like the Commission is concerned that some of you might be a little confused by the new FASB Codification and just wanted to put it out there that M. Schape and crew are still the ones in charge.
Forget about any possibility of a bean counter coup that would upend the accounting rule universe. It’s not happening on Mary Schapiro’s watch.
Nevermind that it took the better part of a year to get a Chief Accountant officially appointed. The Commission was probably worried that, with all the hubbub, people may have lost some perspective, that’s all. The SEC, could torpedo this whole Codification nonsense back to the stone age, if it wanted to. Just wanted to remind everyone. Thanks.
SEC Clarifies Authority Over Accounting Rules [Compliance Week]

Preliminary Analytics | 08.26.09

dimon_250x375.jpg• How much money did JPMorgan make on Madoff? – According to one brainy prof, probably less than $500 mil. That doesn’t mean they did anything wrong though: ‘Few would say that the vendor who sold Mr. Madoff a hotdog on the street was doing anything wrong.’ Yeah, ’cause it’s the same thing. [FT Alphaville]
• Edward Kennedy, Senator and Democratic Icon, Dies [Bloomberg]
• Fight Brews as Proxy-Access Nears – “The largest U.S. businesses, law firms and business groups have stepped up their challenge to the ‘proxy access’ rule, which would let certain shareholders use a company’s board-election process to nominate directors opposed to management.” [WSJ]
• Colonial BancGroup files Chapter 11 – Shoe. Dropped. [Reuters]
• U.S. Postal Service seeks 30,000 job cuts via buyouts – As of now, no reports of gunfire at any post office locations. [Reuters]
• Swiss Bank to Leave U.S. Amid Tighter Restrictions – No, not UBS. Wagelin & Co., who’s obviously fed up with the newfound inability to dodge taxes. [DealBook]

Review Comments | 08.25.09

Phil_9 box_round 2.jpg• Unfounded Rumor Of The Afternoon: Dick Fuld Staging Dress Rehearsal For Comeback? – If Fill made his way over to 345 Park to get his 9 box review and you didn’t inform us, we don’t even want to begin to tell you about the wrath that will ensue. [DB]
• White House Raises Long-Term Deficit Forecast – “The Obama administration shaved $262 billion from its estimated 2009 federal budget deficit but said the U.S. will run a $9 trillion deficit over the next 10 years — $2 trillion more than it forecast earlier this year.” Can we all agree that the government needs to quit releasing stats? Great, thanks. [WSJ]
• Brewers Planning to Raise Beer Prices – If you didn’t have an excuse to revolt before, you’ve got one now. [WSJ]
• Bernie Madoff mistress Sheryl Weinstein to send copy of book to scammer in prison – The class on this gal continues to impress. [NYDN]

Possible Confirmation for Your Unfounded Rumors about Partner Expenses

magic money.jpgThere’s a large misconception that partners and directors can run anything through on their expense reports. Lapdances, red meat at Bobby Van’s, shoes at Bergdorf’s, you know, the usual rumored fare.
Alleged abuse notwithstanding, one KPMG director in London has managed to live up to the reputation of flagrantly assaulting the expense reimbursement policy:
More, after the jump

Andrew Wetherall, a director at the firm, fraudulently claimed expenses to pay for holidays, cars, computers and even his divorce from his first wife. The 49-year-old also used them over five and a half years to keep his second wife happy by funding her £15,000-a-month lifestyle. Southwark crown court heard today how he falsely claimed £545,620.89, making several claims for flights abroad and expenses relating to business trips he never went on. After a boss raised the alarm, Wetherall initially claimed it was a mistake. But he owned up to the fraud after an internal probe.

We’re all for bending the rules for some bagels here and there but seriously. What did this guy spend his salary on? Did he have a Stevie Nicks-type coke habit? Whatever happened, all’s forgiven because according to the piece, Wetherall was “suspended by KPMG and has repaid more than £337,000.” It’s only money, right?
Accountant paid for divorce and holidays with £545,000 fraud [London Evening Standard]

Chipotle is Here to Help Increase Your Chargeability

ChipotleBurrito.jpgChipotle must have got word that Deloitte was handing out iPhones because the bean slingers have developed an app that will allow you to order your 1,000+ calorie lunch directly from said gadget.
It wouldn’t be too far of a stretch to wonder if the accounting firms had something to do with this. The only thing we can’t figure out is how this fits in with some firms’ newfound trend of caring about your health. Regardless, now that ordering Chipotle is totally portable, accountants won’t have an excuse to leave the office, EVER.
No more excuses about “I’m going to get something to eat”. Nonsense. Order your brick of deliciousness from your iPhone and get your ass back to your cubicle. The intern will pick it up and return with your tin foil surprise, pronto. Nevermind that food coma that will ensue after consuming one of these beasts, you’ll be in front of your spreadsheets, looking chargeable. Besides, some of you have extra hours to come up with for next month anyway.
Chipotle launches iPhone ordering app [Denver Business Journal]