Accountants Are Unlikely to Get Some on the Side, Says This Divorce Attorney

Posted on by Adrienne Gonzalez
man opening up a hotel room door

According to Kate Simonds, a divorce lawyer in Arizona, accountants are a safe bet if you’re looking for a mate who won’t cheat.

@simondslaw

♬ original sound – AZ Divorce Attorney

“If you’re in a relationship with one of these type of men, you’re safe,” she said in a TikTok video filled with comments about why she’s wrong on two of the three professions in her list (hint: it’s not accountants).

She lists these three professions as least likely to cheat, backed by the ultra scientific ‘trust me bro’ method:

  • Accountants
  • Pharmacists
  • Farmers

“I think you’re pretty safe with an accountant,” she said. “I see a pretty common personality type, you should be good with no cheating with accountants.” What, workaholic? Risk averse? Devoid of rizz?

When popular adulterer website Ashley Madison was hacked in 2015, Deloitte allegedly went so far as to block the hack site from its network. We never figured out why exactly Deloitte didn’t want its people digging around in the 10 gigabytes of data that revealed intimate details about Ashley Madison’s 30 million users. It was theorized at the time that either people high up at Deloitte or in IT wanted to prevent colleagues from finding their names on the list OR, the more likely possibility, Deloitte didn’t want employees wasting time checking a data dump of cheaters instead of being chargeable.

A few years later, EY was engaged (heh) by Ashley Madison’s new owners to analyze traffic on the website. The firm found there were 5.7 million new accounts on the site in 2017 with a ratio of 1.13 active women to each active guy.

You probably won’t catch many accountants on a website like that, they stick to fidelity or banging colleagues. And occasionally clients.

Related:

Extra-Marital Affairs Site Claims Accountants Are Kings of Romance Because Their Jobs Are Boring

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Doing It Wrong Twitter Case Study: The Narcissist

Following our previous Doing It Wrong case studies featuring the over-hashtagging accounting firm, the excited newbie and the hyperconnected crack tweeter, we humbly present you a criticism of one of our least favorite Twitter users: the self-absorbed narcissist.


You can spot the narcissist from a mile away by looking for keywords such as “I”, “me” and “myself.” The narcissist doesn’t really try to make it appear as though they are interested in others nor do they tend to share useful information, only their own personal triumphs, opinions, activities and musings. To the self-absorbed narcissist, this is really all that matters.

The self-absorbed narcissist is pretty easy to seduce into doing your bidding by expressing even the smallest amount of interest in their indulgent self-congratulations. This can be accomplished by retweeting their latest announcement (retweeting an announcement with lots of “me” and “my” statements will earn you bonus points in the eyes of the narcissist) and doing so might even get you a retweet yourself.

The narcissist may collect followers like nerds collect World of Warcraft gold and, if excessively narcissistic, will likely follow only 1 or 2 people to prove just how awesome and appreciated they are. To the narcissist, this is a sign of their importance and status in the Twitter community, as who needs communication when you have awesome credentials and incredible talent?

How can you avoid becoming the narcissist? Interact! Congratulate others, encourage your cohorts and share useful links that aren’t just things you’ve written or appearances you’ve made in the media.

Doing It Wrong Twitter Case Study: The Hyper-Connected Crack Tweeter

Chances are you know the Hyper-Connected Crack Tweeter and worse, you could possibly be him or her. Tell-tale signs of hyper-connected crack tweeting include constant RTing, endless strings of @s (sometimes to no one in particular) and a nuclear follow cost. If you are unsure of your follow cost, feel free to check here and if you come up nuclear, it may be time to talk about your Twitter habits.


Remember, value is in the eye of the beholder. While it may seem reasonable to the hyper-connected crack tweeter to send out a constant stream of “Thanks for the RT!” notes and 75 #FollowFriday recommendations beginning on Thursday night, if many in your stream are following 100 people or less, you’re basically just cluttering up other folks’ streams and adding very little value while doing so. Because we’re specifically speaking about accounting here, it’s important to point out that many in the profession are new (or newer) to Twitter and therefore likely to be following just a small handful of people. Point being, if you aren’t adding value you’re pretty much just being obnoxious.

Our recommendation is always to look at what others in the profession are doing to get an idea of what is appropriate use of Twitter. We’ve already recommended checking out those on Michelle Golden’s Accounting Awesomeness list for starters but would also point out specific tweeters like MACPA’s Tom Hood, next gen CPA rockstar Jason Blumer and exuberant Scott Heintzelman. What do these people have in common? They all know the importance of interaction without overkill, sharing just enough of their personal views and goings on mixed in with updates on the profession that keep followers informed and engaged. Now that is doing it right.

The hyper-connected crack tweeter makes the mistake of thinking more is better so even more must be even better. Twitter is not a popularity contest and having the most followers does you little good unless you can somehow convert multi-level marketers and pornbots into clients. Since that’s unlikely, the best thing the hyper-connected crack tweeter can do is take a look at why they are tweeting so much and what value they are offering to the Twitter community as a whole.

True value comes from both the connections and the service provided between those connections. For some, hearing what you had for breakfast is an endearing way to feel closer to strangers thousands of miles away who share the same interests and so a bit of that is allowed (keeps people from thinking you’re a tax-obsessed robot without a soul, right?) but sending out 25 #FollowFriday tweets in rapid succession is really just a cry for help and a sign that you need a primer in how to pack the most punch into your tweets without cluttering others’ streams with your nonsense.

Remember people, moderation. I know it’s exciting and it’s tempting to overdo it but let’s all remember that we have a tradition to uphold for the sake of the whole industry and that’s one of calm, collected and not at all easily excited cool.

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