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Accountant Who Stole From Chicago Cubs, Cancer Patient Well On His Way to Making Enemies Out of Just About Everyone

There's probably nothing more agonizing in the world of sports than being a Chicago Cubs fan. Despite more than a century of disappointment, abuse and losing in every way imaginable, Cub fans remain loyal.

I mean, what else are they gonna do? Right around the turn of the next century when they finally win another World Series, all those loyal fans will be screaming, "I NEVER GAVE UP ON THIS TEAM!" It'll be worth the wait. In any case, any affront to the Cubs is an affront on its massive fan base, so if you cross that line, expect the rains of hellfire to come down upon you, even if you are a Cubs fan. Steve Bartman, anyone?

Likewise, you best not fuck with victims of cancer and their loved ones. Cancer is the second leading caused of death, claiming hundreds of thousands of lives in the US every year. You'd be hard pressed to meet a person who hasn't been affected by cancer in some way and yet, you hear about scam artists preying on cancer patients all the time. I imagine there is a special corner of hell for those people where they reside for eternity surrounded by hordes of damned tourists wielding selfie sticks.

So it's with great amazement that I found this story of a man — an accountant, of course — who managed to rip off both the Cubs and a cancer patient.

A suburban accountant admitted Wednesday he helped bilk the Chicago Cubs out of hundreds of thousands of dollars while also embezzling another $358,000 from a cancer patient.

Joseph Gurdak, 73, pleaded guilty to one count of wire fraud and one count of filing a false tax return, charges that could land him in prison for as many as 23 years. However, he could see as little 30 months in prison if he cooperates with federal prosecutors during an upcoming trial revolving around a fraud scheme at a Wrigleyville rooftop business.

Gurdak helped the former co-owner of Skybox on Sheffield underreport its revenue by $1.5 million, costing the Cubs and local governments about $600k. But yes, as previously mentioned, he did one better:

He also admitted he filed a false tax return for 2012, failing to report $91,340 he embezzled from a client that year who was being treated for cancer.

In all, a federal prosecutor said Gurdak embezzled $358,208 from that client between 2011 and 2013 — shorting the IRS by $38,800. Gurdak’s attorney, Steven Fritzshall, said the client has been repaid.

I suppose if the cancer patient has been repaid that Gurdak could escape the full wrath of #fcancer crowd, but don't expect Cubs fans to be as forgiving.