Stop me if you've heard this before. "I wish they weren't called the Bush tax cuts. If they were called someone else's tax cuts, they'd be less likely to be raised," the former President told some people who still listen to him speak about anything. Just save us the trouble and play it on a loop, wouldja? [CNN via Ritholtz]
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You’re Wasting Your Time if You Attempt to Bribe an IRS Agent with Starbucks
As we’ve recently learned, IRS Agents are a zealous bunch. If you’re out of compliance you can bet the life of your labrador that they will run you down for the overdue tax, regardless of the sum.
Now perhaps you’ve been thinking that a little bribery might take care of things if you find yourself in a bit tax trouble. IRS Agents are human(?) after all; they fall ill to the temptations of this world just like the rest of us. And because they most likely have some sort of accounting background, they are most certainly caffeine abusers and thus, Starbucks whores.
But an Agent’s first responsibility is to serve the American Taxpayer and your attempts to tempt these civil servants with sweet, venti-sized, mega-calorie caffeinated beverages WILL NOT WORK:
Kim Oahn Thi Tran, also known as Jennifer Kim Tran, faced a tax liability of more than $13,287 for the 2006 and 2007 tax years on unreported income of $30,334, authorities said.
In hopes of lowering her tax liability, Tran sent a package on Nov. 30 to IRS revenue agent Imad Hararah that contained promissory notes and a $100 gift card for Starbucks Coffee that read, “To Imad: Enjoy,” investigators said.
Agent Hararah did not fall for this ploy. Nor did he accept the $2,000 that Tran attempted to give him. Instead this presented itself as a perfect opportunity to add charges, “On Dec. 9, Tran gave the agent $1,500, authorities said. In exchange, Hararah gave her a phony document that made Tran believe that she had a zero balance for 2006 and 2007 tax years.”
Does this guy love his job or what? Not cold hard cash nor natural stimulant will distract this man from doing his job. We can only assume that his brethren are of the same cloth and soon we’ll hear about Agents turning down dates with Lane Kiffin.
Woman charged with trying to bribe IRS agent [SF Chronicle]
Grover Norquist Is Adequately Prepared for Anyone Who Might Try to Burn Washington, D.C. to the Ground
In case you haven’t been paying attention, GOP Taskmaster Grover Norquist takes his Taxpayer Protection Pledge very seriously. So serious in fact that not even a conservative stalwart like Tom Coburn has come under repeated attacks from Norquist and Americans for Tax Reform. So serious that not even our grandmothers’ lives will be spared were terrorists to demand that we raise taxes 1% on the highest earners.
Norquist’s steadfastness has managed to get under a lot of people’s skin including people who thinks he’s a little cuckoo, Democrats and even some guy at Deloitte.
This, understandably, has made Norquist a little paranoid. If someone were able to infiltrate ATR HQ with an army of ninjas, collect all the signed pledges and throw them into an incinerator, how could he continue holding the entire Republican party by their flag-wrapped testes? There would be no tangible proof that these sacred documents were, in fact, signed in front of two witnesses (as is required). Worry not, fiscally frugal readers, Grover is far too smart for that. As the Washington Post reports, GN has taken the necessary precautions to avoid such a catastrophe:
“I keep the originals in a [secret] vault, in case D.C. burns down,” said Norquist, referring to the pledge that his organization asks politicians to sign, vowing to “oppose any and all efforts” to raise taxes. “When someone takes the pledge, you don’t want it tampered with; you don’t want it destroyed.”
So bring your sissy Democrat political operatives, your ink bombs, your pledge-sniffing dogs. You’ll have to do nothing less than sic Jack Bauer on Grover if you want to get your mitts on those pledges. And even if you do, don’t think your grandmother won’t pay the price.
Grover Norquist, the anti-tax enforcer behind the scenes of the debt debate [WaPo]
Americans for Tax Reform Is Annoyed with the ‘Tax-loving American Lung Association’
Because it’s pretty clear that the American Lung Association’s mission is to ensure everyone is paying higher taxes:
Predictably, the tax-loving American Lung Association is pushing for a massive 75 percent increase in Maine’s cigarette tax. They just think it’s the cat’s meow, curing all diseases while raising a boatload of money for state government to spend on pro-utopia policies.
Of course, that’s not how these things tend to work themselves out. For starters, Maine desperately needs jobs. An excise tax increase of this magnitude certainly will not deliver. Convenience stores count on tobacco products for roughly one-third of their sales. Government driving up the cost of cigarettes won’t help maintain payroll.
That’s because higher taxes will only further fuel migration to New Hampshire, where consumers will be able to save over $12 per carton of cigarettes. New Hampshire also levies no sales or personal income taxes. To have any hope of competing with its neighbor, any talk of tax increases must be completely off the table.
So taxes on cigarettes are off the table while cancer, chemotherapy, pain, suffering and shortened life spans are back on. Got it.