Retirement. Unfortunately for most of you, you’re nowhere near it. And for those of you that are thinking about it, you’ve probably discovered that your savings aren’t quite what you imagined they would be at this stage in life and you’re doomed to a few years of recommending power tools at the local Home Depot. Once you finally do get to retire, you’ll be confined to the shuffleboard court and the senior tee boxes at your local municipal golf course.

This is not the retirement of one Don Ohmes of O’Fallon, Missouri. While most of you think of traveling the world stuff your pieholes on cruise ships, Don is getting ripped. And not just for fun. For competition.

[Ohmes] decided at age 64 that he wanted to compete in body building. This summer he shared that dream with his personal trainer, mentioning his long-time admiration of Arnold Schwarzenegger. To Maida, his wife of 43 years, this was a revelation: Body building? Arnold Schwarzenegger? “Getting on a stage in front of people? This is not really who he is,” she says. “He is a modest person and shy. You have to get up on stage and have a brief on, or whatever it is.”

It’s a “posing outfit” Mrs. Ohmes. And her husband discovered some things about bodybuilding that he hadn’t previously considered. For example, your business casual outfits may fit nicely in a JCPenney shopping bag but that sort of storage isn’t necessary for outfits required by Don’s new hobby:

“It came in an envelope,” Don recalls, burying his face in his hands. “That’s all it was in. I thought, ‘Holy cow!'” Posing costumes are so itsy bitsy that competitors must shave their bodies.

Right. The manscaping. Don eventually got more at ease with the nuances of his new obsession but there was one thing he couldn’t quite get comfortable with:

Don had to pick a song for his one-minute posing routine. He chose “Hurts So Good,” by John Mellencamp. He practiced at home, with [his trainer] and at Gold’s gym. But there was one thing Don just couldn’t do for [her]. She wanted him to point at a woman in the audience — any woman — at the song lyric, “With a girl like you.”

“I can’t act like some 20-year-old kid, because I’m not,” Don says.

So, despite his washboard abs Don isn’t so comfortable enticing the ladies. But considering he finished second in 50 and over division, it probably cost him the title. Which is fine with Don because this isn’t about fun for him, he’s trying to inspire you aging cube-dwellers out there:

“I felt a deep sense of accomplishment,” he says. “And maybe people will think — ‘This guy is 64 and he can do it. So maybe I can do it, too.'”

This means you, Tim Flynn.

Retired accountant morphs into body builder at 64 [St. Louis Today]