How We Averted the Fiscal Cliff: As a CPA, People Might Expect You To Know This Crap
I don’t care if you’re a Republican or a Democrat; you’re an accountant, and the avert-the-fiscal-cliff legislation that the federal government crapped out at the last minute hooks you up. Sure, you’re going to pay more in taxes, but Congress was actually able to bang out some long-term solutions to the expiring tax cuts which is going to make your life easier1.
Taxes Are the Reason Eric Cantor Walked Out on Joe Biden
The deficit talks led by Vice President Biden faced a dispute over whether to include the Pentagon in any spending caps or deficit triggers, but the office of House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) said Friday that taxes were the only reason the talks collapsed Thursday.
“There were some disagreements on defense, but the issue is being greatly overblown to distract from Democrats’ push to raise taxes,” spokesman Brad Dayspring said. “The tax issue was the sole reason the talks reached an impasse, but it’s important to recognize that the group made great progress in identifying trillions of dollars in spending cuts that can serve as a blueprint for a potential compromise,” he said. [The Hill]
Turns Out the Guy that Joe Biden Called a Smartass Is Just an Ass
Yesterday we learned about Joe Biden not taking too kindly to a custard shop manager’s suggestion that he can eat all the free custard he wants as long as JB & the rest of the crew “lower our taxes.”
The Veep retorted that maybe the dude in the funny paper hat should try saying nice for change instead of being a smartass. It was the typical Joe Biden charm that you would expect. Perhaps he should have suggested visiting the White House’s tax savings tool instead of name-calling but the past is the past and we’ll just chalk up another Joe Biden moment of hilarity/political liability.
But wait! What if the VP was right about this portly custard slinger? We read over a little mini memoir over at Daily Intel that indicates that the guy probably had it coming:
First of all, as anyone who has ever lived in Milwaukee knows: Kopp’s Frozen Custard is the most delicious dessert on the planet. It’s basically ice cream with twice the fat. So when Smilin’ Joe Biden showed up at Kopp’s in Glendale, Wisconsin, last week, you can only imagine his annoyance at being interrupted in the middle of his first taste — from the looks of things, Friday’s special flavor, chocolate chip cookie dough — by a store manager cracking that the cone was free, as long as the vice-president would agree to “lower our taxes.” Biden being Biden, he called the manager “a smartass.” And who was that smartass? None other than my nemesis of twenty years ago — the first boss I ever hated and feared.
Said smartass is Scott Borkin and the author of this piece, Dan Kois, proceeds to tell a tale of a lunatic boss from hell (thanks, Richard Lewis):
Once, very late on a long, hot night of customers piling in and the custard machines jamming and the store’s owner, Carl Kopp, walking around in his apron and hat terrifying everyone, Scott Borkin came over to collect a shake for order number 87. “What the hell is this?” he asked me.
Inside, I panicked. What had I done wrong this time? But I had the ticket right in my hand — malt with chocolate — and was positive that’s what I had made. “It’s a chocolate malt.”
“No, this,” he said, pointing at my Sharpied “7” on the lid. I’d written it with a line through the center because once someone had mistaken my non-lined 7 for a 2.
“Uh, it’s a seven,” I replied.
“This is a seven,” he said, taking the ticket from my hand and drawing a non-lined numeral. “Do it right or you’re outta here.” He plucked the malt off the counter and stalked away. “This isn’t Germany!” he called over his shoulder.
Christ. Threatening termination because of lined 7 and anti-Germany? PLUS he likes bitching about taxes? This guy could be the next Joe the Plumber. Oh wait, he’s already been on Fox & Friends. Mission accomplished.
Joe Biden Gaffe of the Day: Calls Custard Shop Manager ‘Smartass’ Who Asked for Lower Taxes
It was actually over the weekend but talk about ruining a perfectly good photo-op.
For starters, taxes – like healthcare reform – are a big fucking deal and need to be debated in an environment more suitable for policy debate. Secondly, if you listened to the Veep’s advice, maybe you wouldn’t be complaining in the first place.
Let’s Try Out the White House’s Tax Savings Tool
After yesterday’s words of wisdom from Joe Biden on your taxes, we stumbled across the “tax savings tool” that’s so easy
a caveman Joe Biden can do it.
We actually do believe the VPOTUS when he says it’s easy because he made the announcement yesterday with two men who aren’t exactly known to be tax mavens: IRS Commish Doug “I find the tax code complex” Shulman and Tim “I think I’ll try using TaxCut this year” Geithner.
Try your hand this thing and make up your own mind, after the jump.
Our feeling that it’s like tax planning a step or two above what Fisher-Price might put out. Which, for the majority of the American People, might still be tricky.
Who Wants to Hear Joe Biden’s Tax Advice?
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Everybody got it?
“It’s not hard. Not even hard for me.”
“I used to do my own taxes but now everybody thinks it’s too dangerous.”
“The American People pay me a really good salary. I don’t deserve a tax break.”
Then there’s the Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr. kitchen table talk; you know the drill.