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Single Fat Accountant Also a Bit of a Hypocrite, Watches Royal Wedding

A couple of weeks ago, the Single Fat Accountant was suffering from a serious case of Kate and Willy envy. He had called for a blackout of all the Royal Wedding festivities but because he is A) fat; B) single and C) and accountant, the nuptials went on as planned.

Realizing the futility of the situation, SFA eventually succumbed to the pressure of being of loyal British subject (or maybe a party-pooper of a boss) and turned on the teevee to watch the historic event.

Realizing that he might catch some flak for this flip-flop, our hero felt the need to explain his actions:

I was feeling left out by not watching TV. I felt I was going againt the odds with the large proportion of people. It just felt wrong not to watch the wedding. Though my views in previous blog remain unchanged. I am thinking what this says about me:

• I like to belong rather than be the odd one out
• I am bit of a hypocrite!
• I am not strong enough to be an independent thinker.
• I just wanted to see how Kate looked! She looked great.

Kate did look lovely (and catching glimpses of Pippa was a nice bonus) but I can’t help but feel that SFA is buckling like a cheap belt here. On the other hand, it’s conceivable that our fat, lonely friend may have been thrown out of his country had he not complied. If anyone wants to weigh in – being supportive or sharing their own tale of Royal Wedding fever – feel free to do so now.

Accountant Seeking Sexual Favors Rebuffed; Pelted with Flip-flops

Everyone, at some point in their life, has suffered the humiliation of making a move only to be rejected with extreme prejudice. As humbling as an experience as this is, being “showered with chappals” may be the greatest humiliation to be suffered by a man in pursuit of a woman we’ve ever heard. And naturally, this dolt was an accountant.

The woman had applied for a grant under the government’s Ashraya plan and she needed a certificate of caste to be submitted to the tahsildar. Initially Shivananda (32), the village accountant of Kavoor, refused to issue it since she originally hailed from Birur in Chikmagalur district. In the meantime, he had obtained her mobile number on the pretext of keeping her informed about the progress of the file.

But soon after, he reportedly started sending her obscene messages and later on started calling her again and again. He promised to get her a 5-cent land in Falnir in the heart of the city, provided she made some ‘adjustment’ with him. Not understanding the purport of ‘adjustment’ she sought clarification. At that point, he is said to have explicitly sought sexual favours from her.

So we envision the scenario this way: Village accountant-cum-idiot goes with, “Hey, this is an easily solvable problem but an adjustment needs to be made with me.” The woman, being completely confused, asks him to elaborate to which replies with the BJ hand gesture, or the old pointer finger through the fist routine. Then:

Declining to make any adjustment, she went home and complained to her husband, who sought help from Dalit organizations, who gathered proof by getting the messages he sent and calls made recorded. They set a trap for him and got the woman to ‘invite’ him home. When he arrived at the appointed time, he was caught hold of by the Dalit activists and handed over to the police.

But before doing that, many of them, men and women, beat him up with chappals several times over. Shivananda told the media that he had only come to check the house to verify and he had been framed. But he had no answer when asked if he had visited any other houses to verify the caste and also as why he was not carrying the relevant file when he came to visit the woman’s home.

Reactions welcome.