Global Reporting Standards are gaining popularity among investors and finance executives, according to a new report by ACCA. Around 170 senior executives and investors were questioned. More than 40% said international financial reporting standards improve access to capital, while around 25% believe the global standards have lowered capital costs. ACCA chief executive Helen Brand said: “Growing support amongst CFOs and investors for [IFRS] must be considered carefully” by US regulator the SEC as it debates converging US GAAP with international standards. “We believe a positive answer from the SEC would give a tremendous boost to the cause of financial reporting and more importantly the world economy.” [Accountancy Age, Earlier]
Tag: Brits
KPMG Is Going to Buy Itself Some Indentured Servants in the UK
There’s nothing like buying your loyalty. I’m not saying Big 87654 programs like this aren’t somewhat good for the morale and worth the firms’ dime(s) not just to buy loyal servants but also to help prepare future capital market servants in general but it’s sort of a scam. Sometimes, these education programs don’t work out and the slaves revolt, as happened with this young man in an undisclosed market somewhere in a state that ends in tts.
Anyway, KPMG wants to recruit a whole bunch of 18 year-olds into its work/school program (across the pond they call this a “scheme,” which makes it exponentially more funny) by next September. The House of Klynveld will pay these kids’ tuition fees and pay them a whopping starting salary of £20,000 ($31,460 in Fed Funny Money).
Here’s a brief and completely related link to an article on indentured servitude: “Servants typically worked four to seven years in exchange for passage, room, board, lodging and freedom dues. While the life of an indentured servant was harsh and restrictive, it wasn’t slavery. There were laws that protected some of their rights.”
Sound at all familiar?
According to The Telegraph, the course opens its doors to 90 students for the first time this month, with two-thirds of entrants coming from state schools or colleges, compared with around half from the traditional graduate entry route.
More than 1,000 would-be ex-KPMGers applied for the program, and that number is expected to rise year over year. They say that’s because tuition is up to £9000 a year (about $14,153 but there’s a Fed meeting fast approaching, that number is subject to change) but my guess is mediocre performers need jobs and accounting isn’t that bad of a gig for some of them. I’d also guess that a few of these program “graduates” actually go on to have successful careers.
If you remember, one former participant of a similar program once (allegedly but eloquently) wrote to his former colleagues “I’m pretty sure it would have been easier to escape from Auschwitz than a YMP contract. I knew from the second week I start here that this wasn’t going to work out.” Ernst & Young’s Your Master Plan nurtured one hell of a profanity-laced, poetic farewell email, a true testament to its power. One requirement for the program was advanced written and verbal communication skills… it’s a wonder Uncle Ernie didn’t call Craig immediately and ask him to come back with a fat raise.
Anyway, the head of audit at KPMG told the Telegraph “At a time when many young people, graduates included, are finding it difficult to gain employment, this programme represents a credible alternative to mainstream university education and provides an attractive route into employment for talented students.”
I highly – and I mean highly – recommended checking out the comments on the Telegraph article, as it finally identifies the link between public accounting and anal rape that we have been trying to pinpoint for years. It’s the one that starts off with “If you work at a large accounting firm, beware, it is perfectly acceptable for the large accounting firm to tell massive lies about you such that you will be butt raped repeatedly…” You can’t miss it.
Comp Watch ’11: PwC Partners Making Deloitte Counterparts Look Like Peasants
The FT reports that the average partner in the UK took home £763,000, up 1% from last year. Ian Powell, the Chairman of the UK firm, took home £3.7 million. The average take home at P. Dubs puts Deloitte partners to shame who only managed to scrape together an average of £758,000, down from £873,000. What does the mean for the partners in the States? Probably nothing but it could indicate that Deloitte’s reign as the biggest of the Big 4 could be a one year wonder. [FT]
Deductible or Not Deductible: Bartender Refuses to Serve Drunk; Drunk Slashes Bartender’s Tires (Allegedly)
As you know, we like to check in on our friends across the pond every once in awhile to remind them about Valley Forge and whatnot and to see if they have managed to straighten up. There are problems aplenty for accountants in the UK and some of the strangest ones are shared with the peanut gallery over at AccountingWEB UK. Today’s problem is kind of fun because it may be one that many of you have been privy to.
I think I know the answer to this but will put it out there anyway.
Publican [Ed. note: that’s the landlord of a pub for the Yankees out there.] refused to serve a “customer” drink on Saturday night. The publican found his 4 tyres slashed after closing time.
Tax deduction?
To me, this seems like one of those situations that qualify as “the cost of doing business” (i.e. that’s life) and thus, not deductible. Think about it. You’re a bartender. You deal with assholes. Often times, these assholes get drunk. It’s your job as a bartender to take note when one of these assholes is drunk and refuse said asshole any further service. Since assholes don’t like being cut off (been there myself a time or two) this is usually taken personally and bad decisions end up getting made (e.g. attempt to walk to another bar, awkward sexual advances, vandalism).
Now, our publican friend would gladly trade any potential tax deduction for the chance to catch the guy who slashed the tires but that ship has sailed. My thinking is that he’s just going to have to let this one go. Other opinions? Fire away.
Someone Obviously Needs More Billable Hours
Where do you draw the line between a hobby and hoarding? Probably right here, with the young UK accountant so obsessed with ice cream he bought the ice cream truck he used to patronize as a kid:
Chris Copner loves everything to do with ice creams, so much so that he has a house full of memorabilia, including bins, signs, and Matchbox vans.
Chris – who no doubt counts 99 among his favourite numbers – spent £1,400 on the 1976 Ford MKI Transit van after he saw that it was up for sale and recognised its number plate from photos of him as a child.
He has since restored it to its former beauty, complete with all the old-school favourites such as Rocket lollies and Mr Whippy ice cream, at his home in Abergavenny.
The 23-year-old said: “It all started off when I was about five and my friends and I used to wait for the ice cream van to come each day. I just remember being fascinated by it so I started buying little Matchbox cars and vans and my collection just grew and grew from there.
Copner admits to having quite the hoard, including a cabinet full of stuff at his home and boxes upon boxes in his house, as well as a bunch stashed away in the homes of his parents and grandparents. Man, why am I paying $50 a month for my storage unit?
Strangely, the young number-cruncher has no idea why he loves ice cream vans so much. “I don’t really know why I became so fascinated by ice cream vans,” he said. “I think it was the anticipation of waiting for it to come when I was a kid.” Actually reading that makes his love of waiting for something to happen all that much clearer.
Apparently Accountants are the Most Valued Professional Advisers (According to the Brits)
Keep in mind before we get into this that the Brits are a tad wonky; they use funny words (“fag,” for example, is a cigarette, not a name that’ll get you a beatdown in San Francisco’s Castro District), drive on the wrong side of the road and live in tiny little crackerbox houses. That said, small businesses over there feel their accountants have served their money best.
Well, kind of.
Professional advice website, unbiased.co.uk has today released new research which reveals accountants as the most valued professional adviser when it comes to financial advice. Of the small businesses surveyed, 21% believed that their accountant provides them with the most valuable business advice. 12% of small business owners name friends, while 10% state a member of their family has given them the best advice on their business. One in three (31%) believe their own advice is the most valuable with regards to running their company.
Of the 54% of small business owners who have sought professional advice on their accounting and book keeping needs, 48% say that their accountant has saved them money in the long-term, while 47% state that they had helped them make sense of the complex UK tax system. Over a quarter (28%) say using an accountant has meant they have more time to focus on important business decisions. One in ten (10%) say their accountant has helped them to free up time to spend with their family.
That’s very warm and cozy, isn’t it? Except that 18% more of them prefer “focusing on important business decisions” to hanging out with their family with the time an accountant saves them.
Granted, the company from which the press release comes is “sponsored” by companies like J.P. Morgan Asset Management (others include AEGON, Legal & General, Alliance Trust, Lockton, Aviva, MetLife, AXA Life, Opinium Research, Bright Grey, Prudential, Canada Life Ltd, Royal London 360°, Clerical Medical Investment, Schroders… so how unbiased can it really be?)
PwC’s New Swanky London Location Has Those Left at the Old Dump Mad with Jealousy
P. Dubs’ “More London” or “MoLo” location is reportedly quite the swinging joint but will only house half of the City’s 11,000 employees. Those left back at the frumpy office aren’t really pleased with this development and the FT reports has caused some to catch a case of “office envy”:
The aesthetic appeal [of the MoLo location] is burnished by eco-friendly credentials. PwC is also backing a nearby bistro and wine bar that will emulate Jamie Oliver by training the homeless. The firm’s staff will also be encouraged to use it. The zeitgeistiness of it all is too much for some of those stuck at PwC’s dowdier offices in Embankment Place, near Charing Cross. But relief could be at hand. [Chairman Ian] Powell revealed that the firm is in talks to redevelop the old site to give it a bit more pizzazz.
UK Whitepaper Seeks to Reconcile Mother Nature’s Books
When do you recognize maple syrup, when it is earned (sucked from the tree) or realized (when it goes down your big fat gap)? How much goodwill does a forest have?
The UK Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs has published its first white paper on the natural environment in 20 years hoping to answer some of these questions. The natural choice: securing the value of nature suggests the UK should set up an independent Natural Capital Committee (sort of like FASB for forests) to advise the government on when, where and how natural assets are being used unsustainably.
This would create “green accounts” which give an idea how the country’s natural assets are being used.
The authors of the paper suggest that economic growth and the natural environment are mutually compatible, implying that “nature’s bank balance” should not be ignored when looking at the country’s overall economic growth.
“Past action has often taken place on too small a scale. We want to promote an ambitious, integrated approach, creating a resilient ecological network across England. We will move from net biodiversity loss to net gain, by supporting healthy, well-functioning ecosystems and coherent ecological networks. We will publish a new Biodiversity Strategy for England, responding to our international commitments and setting a new direction for policy over the next decade,” the paper says, proving that someone obviously read their accounting textbooks before they tried to write a framework for valuing nature’s assets.
[Insert bad money doesn’t grow on trees joke here]
Accountant Reaches New Heights of Stupid Behavior After Drinking and Driving
Where I come from, some of my friends had a saying, “There’s only one way to drive drunk…FAST!” Obviously this is dumb. Forget the fact that drinking and driving is dumb but exceeding the speed limit while drinking and driving is exponentially dumber. Inevitably this type of behavior will get you pulled over, at which point the opportunity for more dumb behavior presents itself. On the one hand you could simply jump out of the car, flee the scene, losing your shirt in the process because it will probably slow you down, only to be tackled, cuffed and babbling the Branded theme song in the back of a police cruiser. Another option would be to literally manifest the phrase “cop-slugging drunk.” And yet another option is to do what Alison Brookes did and opt for a more affectionate approach:
A driver who kissed a cop in a bid to avoid a parking ticket ended up losing her licence – after he smelled booze on her breath. Chartered accountant Alison Brookes, 51, planted the smacker on the police officer’s cheek after he spotted her parked on double yellow lines in Didsbury. But the officer got a whiff of alcohol – and arrested her. Brookes, of Fenwick Drive, Heaton Mersey, admitted drink driving and was banned for 14 months at Manchester Magistrates’ Court. Court chairman Stephen Terry told her: “Perhaps kissing the officer was a bit of a giveaway, but that’s by the by.”
This Accountant Underwent Counseling for an Addiction to Sausages
Accountants are not without their vices. Whether it be booze, sex, or DVRing every single HBO TV series, we all know someone who can’t quite break the spell of certain pleasures in life after they become addictive. Today in double-entry junkies, we meet David Harding. David loves sausages. He loves them so much that he has eaten at least one a day since the age of five. He loves them so much that he has undergone hypnosis to try and conquer his craving of salty pork links. He loves them so much that he was willing to do a live audition for the “Gluttony” role in Se7en.
Okay, I made that last part up but this accountant LOVES SAUSAGES:
A father-of-three has become the first person in Britain to undergo counselling after developing an unusual addiction to sausages. David Harding, 47, has paid out almost £2,000 in an attempt to beat his bizarre habit, which sees him eat up to 13 bangers per day.
Now if you think this is merely a man who lacks self-control, you’d be wrong. This is obsession, my friends:
He said: ‘I genuinely cannot bear the thought of living without sausages. ‘Drug addicts crave their medicine of choice, and it’s the same for me – except that my drug is a banger.’ Accountant David has eaten at least one sausage per day – in sandwiches, fry-ups or main meals – since the age of five. He spends up to £700 per year on bangers and has even bought a deep chest freezer to store the vast quantities of his favourite McWhinneys Irish pork sausages. David realised he could be an ‘addict’ last year when wife Susan decided to do ‘something different’ for dinner and failed to serve-up his usual fare. He said: ‘I went a bit mad at the thought of it. It threw me completely off-track. It was then that I realised something wasn’t quite right and sought professional help.’
As for these McWhinneys folks, they’re taking this in stride, much like a Philip Morris exec might:
McWhinney’s Sausages MD, Kevin McWhinney, said: ‘We are pleased that this gentleman likes our sausages, but wish him well in his quest to control his habit.’
Help me battle my SAUSAGE ADDICTION! Accountant forced to have counselling to get him off the bangers [Daily Mail via AwebUK]
Should Accountants Still Provide Excellent Client Service When a Client Shows Up in Their Pajamas?
As we do from time to time around here, we pick up some chatter from our British sister site to see what’s going on in the Old Empire. Today we learn that some Brits have really taken to slobbing around in their pajamas in places not thought appropriate.
Let’s see what’s troubling our accounting brethren across the pond:
Where I live (and as I understand it, nationwide) there is currently a growing backlash against people wearing pajamas in unsuitable circumstances (mostly while picking their kids up from school or while doing their weekly shop), specifically people refusing to serve them or asking them to leave the premises.
Obviously(?) none of us would meet with clients in our pjs as even the most relaxed accountant would at least wear smart casual for a client meeting I’m sure, but what if a new client came to you for their initial meeting in their pjs, would you refuse to act for them?
For the sake of discussion, assume they are fully clothed in bottoms and tops, not in negligie or short nightdresses.
Here in the States, most of us ditch the sweats in public after getting out of college but their are obvious exceptions (like our friend to the right). But it’s not that unusual for your more affluent clients to get more comfortable being comfortable wherever they go. This means ignoring societal norms. Like pants. Or only being sober for a couple hours a day. But forget all that for now; we’re focusing on sleepwear. So, then – if a successful entrepreneur walks into a meeting rocking Winnie the Pooh jammies with the footsies, are you offended? Do you throw him/her out and demand they come back “and act like a professional!” or “after you pull yourself together!” or “when you rejoin society!”?
Or do you keep a seersucker robe or kimono handy in a desk compartment specifically for these scenarios? Discuss.