And the Award for Deloitte Analyst Most Likely to Sleep His Way to the Top Goes To…

Gents, are you sick of being treated like eye candy? Are you tired of getting attention for your looks when all you want to do his serve your capital markets? Being judged for alleged promiscuity with superiors?

No? Cool with it? Good, because there are awards being handed out across the pond primarily based on your superficial qualities and your willingness to whore yourself out for personal success (click to enlarge).

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We’re filling out our ballot now but as the message says, you’ve got until the 18th, so ponder these carefully. Barry Salzberg is a lock at #6, especially if he’s wearing a hard hat.

Btw, who is going to tabulate the votes? We sure as hell can’t trust anyone from Deloitte to do it. Consider this the official RFP.
Also discuss your thoughts on the categories included, what categories are omitted, nominate yourself by sending us photos (we’ll pass them along). Anything on your mind, really.

Ernst & Young Wins Hedge Fund Award, Partners Give Boring Acceptance Speech

The accounting firm awards bonanza has begun stateside. After last week’s Accountancy Age awards, Ernst & Young has now been named “Best Accounting Firm to Hedge Fund Industry” at the inaugural Hedge Fund Manager Week US Service Provider Awards.

While this is certainly a less comprehensive ceremony than the Accountancy Age Awards, it should not be taken any less seriously. This is a sincere effort on the part of the hedge fund industry to recognize who has bent over backwards the farthest for them. Nice work, E&Y.


As for the speeches:

Arthur F. Tully, Partner, Financial Services and Global Hedge Fund Practice Co-leader, Ernst & Young LLP said, “It is an honor to receive this recognition. It reflects our ongoing efforts to provide relevant insights into our client’s most pressing issues, particularly in today’s challenging business market.”

“This award is a testament to our efforts to provide consistent, high-quality service to our asset management clients as we strive to anticipate, understand and offer insight into the biggest issues facing our clients,” added Michael J. Serota, Partner, Financial Services and Global Hedge Fund Practice Co-leader, Ernst & Young LLP.

We understand that there’s a an expectation for tactfulness but c’mon guys. This was your opportunity to get on a stage, drunk as Ken Lewis on a Tuesday morning and say something like:

“It feels damn good to win. You other firms, I wish I could say it’s an honor to be nominated with you but I can’t. In other words, suck it. I accept this award on behalf of all those staff and managers that continue to suffer from sleep deprivation, obesity, and overall misery because I know they’re working at this very second. And if I find out that you’re not, you’re uninvited to the party. Oh, and I just want to say, Jim Turley, you complete me. You really, really, really do. I love you.”

Or something to that effect.

Ernst & Young LLP Named Best Accounting Firm to Hedge Fund Industry [PR Newswire]